Painfully shy and awkward with new guy, can't relax

LegacyUser

Hi All,
I am seeing someone for the first time since my ex broke up with me. He is absolutely amazing in every way, very gentle. But I feel uneasy! I am sooooo shy and awkward, there is so much stuff going on in my head but I find myself being (unusually for me!) quiet around him. It's driving me insane because I can't properly connect with him unless I can be myself, and equally he can't get to know the real me until I can act like myself!
I'm intimidated by him because he seriously is amazing, and I'm also terrified that he will lose interest in me when he finds out what I'm really like.
Has anyone any advice on how to get over this? I really don't want to mess this up, I keep over-thinking everything when I'm with him, I can't even hold myself in a relaxed position I am all uptight!

Merkin

How long is it off between you and your ex? If this is early days with this new boy then you need to simply take it date by date to see how you get on as opposed to thinking that he's amazing and willing it to be a roaring success without having properly get to know the guy. I know saying to relax is easier said than done but this guy is not the divine incarnate and is possibly nervous too so just take the dates at face value for now rather than stressing about what he thinks/how you come across. Also, if this goes on for a long and sustained period then maybe you simply don't click with this chap, regardless how good he is on paper....

beks101

Stop putting him on a pedestal. He's just a guy, maybe a good one, but there are plenty of them out there!

Maybe time to be honest with yourself and determine if you have unresolved issues with your ex that are causing this anxiety. What are you so afraid of? So what if it goes belly up? That's just dating, no one knows which way it's going to go.

cantdecide

Who says you're pulling the wool over his eyes and he can't figure out for himself that you're not ms. Perfect. Personally, I love learning about people's idiosyncrasies. It makes me feel closer to people because they're letting you into their crazy. I reckon you should let it all hang out.

daisybelle2008

OP, you have only started seeing this guy and can't know him well enough too know he is so amazing.
You seem a bit naive in that respect. Don't over romanticise and put on a pedestal someone you don't know, it means you will second guess your own inner guidance and ultimatel overlook bad behaviour.
Sometimes we have a second sense that means we are uncomfortable around people who are not good for us.

dellas1979

Well something similar happened me once-was briefly seeing a guy and thought he was an amazing person! Everything 'bout him :-). But when I was with him, it just didnt translate very well.

I love having fun/craic/joking, and I would be pretty loud too when I get going, but I found when I was with him, Id clam up. He was so quiet. I wasnt even sure sometimes if I'd offended him. There was nothing to "bounce" off. I was actually scared to show him my real self! And it took me a while to realise that while I found him sooooo amazing, I just didnt know who I was around him. And I didnt like questioning myself like that. I am who I am. He is who he is. I thought it was me! But I realised that no matter how amazing I thought he was, I'd prefer someone who wasnt so quiet and introverted.

Maybe its just a matter of getting used to eachother, but really you should get a buzz off someone fairly immediately if they are good for you. It shouldnt make you question yourself.

MrMojoRising

Have you had sex yet? If not, then that might be a way to get over it. You won't be shy with him afterwards

Why don't you just tell him how nervous you feel? If he's in any way as great as you say, he'll make an effort to help you feel comfortable. Remember, he's probably nervous too.

LegacyUser

OP here- thanks for all the great advice, you guys are wonderful. I took it all on board and sat down and spoke to him a little about how nervous and awkward I was feeling. At first MrMojoRising's advice seemed a teeny bit vulgar, but having followed it (!!) it seems to be exactly what I needed to get over the awkwardness! I am feeling way more confident and can be more like myself around him!

The comments about putting him on a pedestal and about having some unresolved issues over my ex really hit a chord with me, I am trying really hard to follow your advice and not to be so nervous about things not working out. So thank you!