Where from here...

LegacyUser

Right, think I’m going kinda crazy at this point.

I broke up girl last year, August 2011, after about 8/9 months. The first two months were fantastic, thought I had found what I had been looking for, the next six\seven were uneasy.

A major thing happened between us about two months in, that hurt me very badly, and she got hurt too, though its something that looking back at now, that I should not have mentioned to her, something I heard. She never believed what I told her, though this information was very sensitive to her personally.

This kicked off petty arguments, her not trusting me, I became terribly numb to the relationship, and downward spiral ensued, to the end.

When it finished, the last meeting was not a pretty one. Through e-mail afterwards we agreed it was right to break up and move on. I had de-friended her on FB, blocked on Twitter, got rid of everything, shortly after took myself off facebook. Cut of all possible links where I could follow her, for my own sanity.

Had one case of drunk dialing, and a few texts and attempted calls. One or two e-mails. Her indicating that I had treated her badly, and that she had moved on.

I got myself fit, very fit, stayed busy, and enough to move myself on. Put myself on dating sites, trying to meet new people.

Met a few in the real world, and nothing came of it.

Here I am now, after 15 months, I still cannot get her out of my head, I wake up in the mornings, even during the night, yes after 15 months, still thinking about this girl, always wondering.

If I hear her name or even something even resembling it, I become somewhat nervous and shaky, heart racing etc. If out at weekends, I am wondering if she is okay, did she get home safe. Literally every single thing comes back to me.

I’ve worn myself out at times thinking of her, trying not to think of her, sometimes its just automatic that she arrives in my head from absolutely nothing.

After our breakup, and even the last few weeks of the relationship, I was very numb, blaming myself for what had happened. I spoke to a therapist, and quickly realised that I was not fully at fault here, though did carry blame nonetheless. It has hit me hard, much harder than I could believe.

I noticed a few weeks back that she was on the same dating site as myself, and felt sad at the situation we are in now. I loved her laugh, her smile, lots, family thought she was great, just she may have gotten in her own way in the relationship, and aided by me all unknown at the time.

I think I may have fallen very hard for this girl in the first few weeks, after meeting her, it was as if we had always know each other.

I’m still hurting and as stated still think of her a lot. I’m terrified of meeting anyone associated with her, not out of guilt, but or fear that I may not deal with the memories\feelings too well. I wear my heart on my sleeve at times.

I know I had genuine feelings for this girl, though not sure where in life’s plan I currently stand. As if I’m still on pause waiting for something to happen.

Boardsies a helping hand ?

ibrahimovic

This helped me get perspective after a 3 and a half year relationship

1. Make a list of all the positive things about the relationship.
Note that you’re not listing the positive things about your ex
(that comes later), but the positive things about that particular
relationship (e.g., you liked having a boy/girlfriend, you
liked going to your ex’s parents’ house for Sunday dinner,
you liked your ex’s friends, you liked going somewhere your
ex took you regularly where you had never been before).
2. Make a list of all the positive qualities of your ex. Write
down all the traits that you liked and that were important
to you.
3. Write down five special things your ex did for you or five
special times during the relationship.
4. Make a list of things that your friends and family liked
about your ex. Were they the same things you liked about
your ex?
5. Make a list of the things you liked about your ex that your
friends or family did not like. What kinds of things put you
at odds with friends or family? Do you feel your ex was misunderstood,
or did you suspect that your family and friends
were right? Did you explain or excuse the behavior that others
did not like in your ex?
6. Make a list of all the negative things about the relationship.
Again, this is not the negative things about your ex, but the
negative things unique to that particular relationship (e.g.,
you couldn’t go out with your friends when you wanted to,
you had to let your ex know when you were home).
7. Make a list of all of your ex’s negative qualities. Focus on aspects
of your ex that you really disliked and wanted to change.
8. Make a list of all the positive qualities that turned into negative
qualities for you over time. For example, maybe you
were initially impressed that this person was very neat and
clean, but later he or she berated you for your lack of neatness.
Perhaps you were drawn to this person because of financial
stability and later realized it was actually unreasonable
frugality. Perhaps you initially thought this person to be
confident and assertive but eventually recognized him or
her as controlling and inflexible. Think about things that
drew you in, but that you wound up disliking or seeing differently
by the end.
9. Think back to the beginning of the relationship and make
a list of all the early warning signs. Did you have an argument
early on, or was there some behavior that gave you a
clue that this was not going to work out—maybe something
that gave you a hint that this person was capable of
hurting you deeply? What warning signs were flashing loud
and clear? What did you do about it? What did you not do
about it? How did you manage to rationalize it to yourself,
or did you just ignore it completely? What could you have
done about it way back when? Why didn’t you? What compromises
or bargains did you make with yourself? What
price did you pay for those compromises?
10. Write down the five most hurtful incidents to you in the relationship.
What was done? What was said? Was there an
apology or a reassurance that it would never happen again?
Did it happen again? Were there apologies and promises
made and not kept?
11. Write down the things you feel you did wrong (not what
your ex said you did wrong but what you truly feel you did
wrong). Include both things you did and things you didn’t
do. Write about everything you can think of—not speaking
to your ex, being controlling, being in a bad mood, picking
a fight, or bringing up issues that weren’t important.
12. Write down any major incidents or issues in the relationship
that stemmed from your own issues or your own behavior.
Was there something you did that led to a major blowup?
Write down anything that you would take back if you could.
13. Write down any significant statements you would have liked
to say. What has gone unsaid? If you had your ex in a room
for five minutes and he or she could not respond, what
would you say? This is your opportunity to say whatever
needs to be said that does not fall into numbers 1 to 12.