Slandered by word of mouth

malene

Not sure where to put this, so mod can move if they want.

I'm currently being bad mouthed behind my back and sometimes in front of me by a woman, who is spreading rumours, the content of which I still have no idea. People are avoiding me because of it, but obviously I don't have access to the woman's facebook , so I can't read what mails, if any are being sent.

I am not sure of the content either, but it could be over a misinformation she received from another woman and once one woman bad mouths you, you're finished. And yet, I have tonnes of women friends, but it's just a small circle and I'm afraid it will get bigger.

Is it possible to ring the guards to come and question her or warn her to stop? I only see the woman from time to time, and engaging with her is a waste of time, as she's probably scream for help. :eek:

I don't have or even want her address, but the only way to figure out what the hell is being said (and then sue for slander) is to have a guard, take her details and either question or caution her to desist from spreading lies.

This is really getting me down and I am now careful where I socialise, in case she is there and warns other women away from me. I've no conviction, not parking ticket, nothing. This is just a small piece of bull**** that is getting bigger and it needs to stop. It's definitely a form of bullying.

Eoin

Moved to personal issues, doesn't appear to be a work problem

Merkin

This all sounds terribly ambiguous. How can you be sure this woman is spreading rumours? And given that you have no idea what the content of these alleged rumours are, it all sounds very vague. In fact it sounds like you have very little to go on. I'm not sure a cop would take it that seriously and may just suspect you of being paranoid. What actual grounds have you got to make you want to pursue this matter further?

malene

I am being vague, but when you go to a place, where you talk to people and have a laugh, then she appears and whispers something in their ear and then the woman you were talking to keeps her distance for the night, then you know whatever came out of her mouth is definitely slanderous. This has happened on 2 occasions.

If I was a convicted rapist, then obviously I haven't a foot to stand on, but I've done nothing extraorginary to deserve this. All I want to know is what the hell she is telling people and then once I find that out, I can take it further. But this is a woman scorned for sure and it makes absolutely no sense. I do my damnest to get on with everyone.

I'm thinking the only way of sorting this out is if I go out, she's there, call a local garda station, have him question her on the spot and then go from there. I don't know where she lives, so I can't get a solicitor to send a letter.

Ickle Magoo

Can I ask where this is happening OP, because that would very much change how I would suggest you deal with it.

malene

I'll just say it's at functions where I would be hoping to engage with people, build up a network etc for future business partnerships. Now, she is friends with competitors, but still, the slander part has to stop

Ickle Magoo

The trouble with slander is you have to have some evidence that is what is happening - and in order to do that a third party would have to testify to the fact that this person has indeed been slandering you.

As it is not an employer/colleague that you can deal with via a manager/HR dept & you seem unwilling to share the whole picture/we are not permitted to offer legal advice - I think you are best explaining the situation in its entirety to a solicitor and getting proper legal advice from someone who has all the facts at hand.

malene

true, and no woman is going to testify against another woman in this case, even if they truly believe the bullsh1t they're being fed. I am trying to get a female colleague to befriend her and figure out what the hell she is saying and possibly with voice recorder in pocket too, but that then probably brings up a breach of privacy/illegal recording issue, jeez.

Ickle Magoo

malene wrote: »

true, and no woman is going to testify against another woman in this case, even if they truly believe the bullsh1t they're being fed.

I have no idea what this means...

malene wrote: »

I am trying to get a female colleague to befriend her and figure out what the hell she is saying and possibly with voice recorder in pocket too, but that then probably brings up a breach of privacy/illegal recording issue, jeez.

Again, why you'd be best getting legal advice to ensure you don't end up on the wrong side of things yourself. If you are wanting to take legal/civil action then I'd recommend you get legal advice before doing anything that might jeopardise your chances of a successful action.

All the best

malene

Thanks.

Katy89

why don't you do the most simple thing and take her to task?

you said she's doing it in front of you, whispering to other women.

why don't you approach her straight away and simply ask her what the hell is going on and what she's telling other people about you. also make clear to her if she continues doing so, there'll be severe consequences.

malene

I would LOVE to do that, but that could be interpreted as agression, so that might fuel her further. I'm just gonna bite my lip and either hope she gets bored doing it and if not, see if I can get proof another way.

daisybelle2008

malene wrote: »

I would LOVE to do that, but that could be interpreted as agression, so that might fuel her further. I'm just gonna bite my lip and either hope she gets bored doing it and if not, see if I can get proof another way.

OP , I think ignoring it and being the bigger person is a good way to go. What comes around goes around etc.

In the meantime this has been stressful for you, if that is added to by other stress or depression you should maybe talk to your GP about your situation. Not good to let your well being get affected. Mind yourself and don't waste your energy on that lady.

FrogMarch

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

OP , I think ignoring it and being the bigger person is a good way to go.

^ This

If she's being malevolent and spreading malicious rumours, she'll be found out eventually. Just be yourself, be nice to people as always and ignore her completely. People will make up their own mind about you by how you treat them. Eventually her gossip will seem excessive to others and they'll realise that she's the one with the problem.

Whatever you do, don't confront her. As you say, she will probably take a completely reasonable request for an explanation and turn it into you being aggressive or threatening. If you ignore her completely, eventually she'll move on to someone else.

ronjo

I would personally call her out in front of as many people as possible.
If you are certain that there is no truth in what she is saying and it cant damage you it will give you a chance to set her and everyone else straight .

Equality

This has happened to me.

In my case it was a large family, and they are quite dedicated, so much so that several people have warned me about it.

I know exactly what they are saying, I know why, but I have found that there is no way to stop them.

In the beginning it made me afraid to attend events they might be present at. That did not stop them, so I have now decided to take a different approach. I am now attending everything I can possibly attend in the local area. That actually works better. In your situation you will find that although they have damaged your business, your presence at local business events will damage their business. If you stop attending because of their presence, they will win.

In my case theirs has been a bitter victory, in the sense that I lost a job I loved because of their nastiness. That sounds like they succeeded, but in practice it means I now have lots of time to attend events locally, and they find that my presence reminds people of their attack on me, and of the consequences. They really don't like this, because the point of their nastiness was to get me to re-locate, and my decision to stay here is a constant reminder of they way they are treating me.

malene

I guess it happens a lot, doesn't make it right. Thanks for the advice.

malene

FrogMarch wrote: »

^ This

If she's being malevolent and spreading malicious rumours, she'll be found out eventually. Just be yourself, be nice to people as always and ignore her completely. People will make up their own mind about you by how you treat them. Eventually her gossip will seem excessive to others and they'll realise that she's the one with the problem.

Whatever you do, don't confront her. As you say, she will probably take a completely reasonable request for an explanation and turn it into you being aggressive or threatening. If you ignore her completely, eventually she'll move on to someone else.

Yep, I will. Rational advice. Thanks.

Equality

I would agree that you should not confront her.

I would also recommend that you should try to attend the local events that she wants to stop you attending. When there, be very polite if she approachs you, and make no accusations, as doing so could get you into trouble.