Should I leave him???

LegacyUser

Hi Everyone,
Need some advice. Not sure what to do. We have been in a relationship for the past 14 years. I love him very much but the past few years we havent been having sex. He told me it would get better but it hasnt. Last year I found out that he had been using chat lines. I was naive and believed him when he told me that he was lonely and only talking to these girls. He promised me that he wouldnt do it again. Then a few months ago I found out that he was using them again for sex chat. He says that he never met anybody but was just for phone sex. He says that he loves me very much and doesnt know why he rang the sex lines (I know why). He wont be honest with me and clams up when I ask him about it. He trys to avoid talking about it, says he's embarrassed

We have spoken about getting married and having kids. I am currently living with him.

Can I trust him and is he just using me for companionship? Could really do with some advice.
Many thanks

Merkin

I think chat lines are the least of your problems and him using them is merely symptomatic of the MUCH bigger problems at play.If you haven't had sex in years then why are you together as a couple? And by him promising it will get better I am presuming this is coming from him? Do you think there is another woman on the scene? Or could he have ED perhaps? Have you asked him why he won't have sex with you?

Idle Passerby

I agree with Merkin, the chat lines are only a symptom that things are not good in the relationship. It sounds like it has gone stagnant. When you say you've talked about having kids...thats a bit of a fantasy when your not in a sexual relationship anymore. I think the two of you need to sit down and have a proper chat about what has gone wrong between the two of you and whether you want to fix it.

About the sex chat, Im guessing he must still have a sex drive or he would have no reason to continue using them, so Id be wondering why he is no longer interested in having a sexual relationship with you and whether is even wants to stay in the relationship.

daisybelle2008

couldsomebodyhelp wrote: »

We have spoken about getting married and having kids. I am currently living with him.

Can I trust him and is he just using me for companionship

Is he using you for companionship?
Are you using him hoping for marriage and children?

Who knows why either of you are staying in the relationship. There might be a fear of hurting you on his part.
After a few years a sexless relationship is clearly not a deal breaker for either of ye. So maybe ye are both just using each other for companionship.

How realistic are the marriage and children, OP? Did ye once have a good sex life? Is everything else good? Is your self esteem affected? How do you manage without sex yourself?

tan11ie

He obviously misses sex,how do you expect the relationship to survive without sex? not meaning to pry, but is there a medical condition stopping you both?

Esoteric_

Not to pry too much, but is it you who doesn't want sex, or him?

If you, then you need to speak to a doctor to make sure that there is no underlying medical condition killing your sex drive, and do something to improve it.

If him, there is a massive problem in the relationship if he is 'getting off' through phone sex rather than turning to you for sex.

Ultimately, it's hardly much of a relationship if there's no sex.

If you want to fix things, you both need to talk about why there is no sex, why he is using sex lines (he probably knows exactly why he does, even if he won't admit it!), and what other problems may exist in your relationship.

Nothing will be solved by you two not having any sexual relationship, while he gets his kicks from chat lines. Sounds like you both need to do some serious talking and work out why the problems that exist, do.