Getting over depression in a relationship

LegacyUser

My boyfriend is recovering after having a bout of depression mostly because of work stress. He's back to normal in most ways but it still really affects our relationship. He has lost a lot of confidence, especially after relying on me a lot for support while he was down. I also feel a bit like I'm always looking after him this past while, not so much like he's my partner if you know what I mean.

I'm sure lots of couples have gone through this - how do you get the attraction and the spark back?

Pessimist

Do you sort of feel like you're having to 'mother' him a little bit? If so, that does change the roles in the relationship and can definitely lead to loss of spark.

If he is starting to feel better, I would try to plan fun activities for you two to do. Simple things like going to the movies, a comedy show, going for a nice walk & then lunch, even going bowling or playing a game of squash together. Exercise will help his endorphines & you'll both feel better after a fun, no stress activity. Avoid alcohol.

You sound like you're being so supportive of him and not putting extra pressure on him which is great. Depression is an awful illness that effects so many & any stress just makes it worse. So if you just concentrate on light hearted fun activities to make you both feel better that should help you connect. Try not to dwell on any loss of attraction & dating or anything that might stress either of you out.

Once the depression cloud lifts, things will be rosier for you both and you can try different romantic/sex things :-)

By the way, is he seeing a good counselor? This will help in preventing depression coming back and learning stress coping techniques.

cloud_dancer

I wish I knew. My last relationship broke up because of depression You seem to be doing all you can to be supportive and understanding so you are on the right track. I know how it can change the relationship, you can feel like more of a counsellor than a girlfirend sometimes and intimacy can go out the window. The good thing is that he is coming out of it now and you manged to weather the storm. Maybe try and do some of the things you used to do together when you first started dating. That might bring some of the spark back.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I suffered from depression at the start of this year and my girlfriend was super amazing to me. It is great that you are helping him, make sure he is getting treatment (a trip to the doctor) and as time passes he will get better and the relationship will get back to how it used to be. I refused to go to a doctor for ages over it as I was in denial. Eventually my girlfriend told me I had to go to a doctor or she was leaving me. I went as she meant the world to me, she even came with me as I was too scared to go on my own. I was put on medication and within 6 weeks I was nearly back to normal.

I don't know what would have happened if it wasn't for my loving girlfriend. She always says that the months when I had depression sort of matured both of us. We aren't as innocent as we used to be.

One very important thing is to look after yourself and stay happy. You might think you can cure him fully but only a doctor will be able to do that. This caused my girlfriend alot of hurt and stress as no matter what she did and how hard she tried she couldn't get me to stay happy again.

I can't stress enough how important it is that you look after yourself too.

The relationship will get back to normal sooner than you think. While you are waiting just try and be there for him if you can. Make sure that he still knows you love him and care for him. He will probably have felt like a failure at some point and will be doubting these things.

I hope this will be of some use to you, if you have any more questions, just ask.