parents paying for weddings?

meisha

My cousin told me yesterday that her mam and dad are giving her 12.000 off her wedding and the grooms dad is giving them 4.000 leaving the couple to pay around 10.000..to be honest I was shocked as I did not think this happens anymore?or am I living in a bubble?

tayto lover

All that will pay for just over 25% of the wedding cake.

Sleepy

It still happens sometimes, I know couples who've had their entire weddings paid for. If the parents can afford it and they want to do so, why not?

It definitely the exception to the rule these days though!

Peregrinus

It does happen, depending obviously on family circumstances and attitudes.

Of course, sometimes there's a price to be paid. If Mam and Dad are paying for the grub and the grog, they might feel they get to decide the guest list. So Great Auntie Bloss, and her large and socially inept family, will be coming.

Gatica

I find this thread a little odd to be honest... Why are you concerned about why someone's parents are paying for their wedding?

However, in answer to your question, I would've thought it doesn't happen that often nowadays; but we know of one set of friends whose parents paid for most of the wedding (and as Peregrinus suggested this meant most of the parents' friends got to go too, it was a huge wedding) and a couple we met on honeymoon who said the bride's mum was gonna pay for the wedding so they had to pick a venue she liked and was close to home.

meisha

Gatica wrote: »

I find this thread a little odd to be honest... Why are you concerned about why someone's parents are paying for their wedding?

However, in answer to your question, I would've thought it doesn't happen that often nowadays; but we know of one set of friends whose parents paid for most of the wedding (and as Peregrinus suggested this meant most of the parents' friends got to go too, it was a huge wedding) and a couple we met on honeymoon who said the bride's mum was gonna pay for the wedding so they had to pick a venue she liked and was close to home.

I was just wondering if Ive been living in the stone ages

The Cool

I agree with the whole parents control thing - a major reason why my OH and I will be waiting a few years is so that we can say, we're paying for it, it's our rules! No cousins that I don't like and haven't spoken to in years; no friends of my dad's that I've never met; our own choice of food, friends, deco, etc etc.

It'd be lovely for my parents to say, hey, pick a band/photographer/DJ and we'll pay for that for you, as our gift. But it's my and my OH's day, and it's us throwing the party.

Gatica

yeah, I guess it's not that common nowadays. Mostly probably cos people are getting married older and have stable jobs and are able to save together themselves unlike in the days gone when they'd need the parents help to get started in life, etc...
We saved for our own wedding and had most things budgeted and deposits paid before the parents gave us a generous early gift to help with the wedding. We didn't really need it but it was a lovely bonus toward the honeymoon. The upside of organising everything yourself with your own cash is that, as you said, you decide who comes.

hoodwinked

we paid for ours ourselves and it meant we got to choose, which believe me came in so handy when parents and grand-parents started on the

"what do you mean my aunts cousin's nieces cousin isn't invited? but they are family!"
and believe me you'll hear it from at least one person!
we specified our guest list and drew strict lines to keep it small (otherwise we'd have needed two venues)
and we could do it because when queried we could say "it's our money we earned it, we saved it, we'll spend it our way"


i'd hate to think of what our wedding would have been if the parents were paying for it.


not to mention, i don't think its fair my parents should foot the bill for what is essentially our ceremony and our party!

you don't expect your parents to buy you a house, or to pay your wages, why would you expect them to pay for your wedding?

movingsucks

My parents gave us a sum of money to "pay for the meal" it ended up being twice the amount the bill came to!! They never interfered once and only gave advice or help when asked and when we asked them if they wanted to invite anyone extra they said no.

Digs

movingsucks wrote: »

My parents gave us a sum of money to "pay for the meal" it ended up being twice the amount the bill came to!! They never interfered once and only gave advice or help when asked and when we asked them if they wanted to invite anyone extra they said no.

+1 my parents did the exact same for us. It was certainly never "expected" on our part and was an amazing gift which was something they very much wanted to do. We also asked if they wanted anyone extra invited and they wouldn't even entertain the thought. They saw the money as a gift not as a way to wangle extra guests!

Each to their own

The Cool

Have already heard the old "your dad's cousin and wife that you hate will HAVE to be invited" thing just in hypothetical talk about it - I'm nowhere even near being engaged yet but I'll be having none of that! I'd be more inclined just have a really cool party for my wedding than a posh stuffy reception that costs both of us a years wages each. I'd love to have my wedding in my hometown, in the church my parents got married in but for the sake of invitees alone I'd consider having it down the country.

I think as well that the major difference in the cost of a wedding in our parents' generation compared to ours means that they don't understand what it means financially to invite those extra few cousins etc. When my parents got married the reception cost them £9 punts a head. These days it's more like €50, isn't it? So an extra few cousins that your parents insist on inviting can add 500 quid to your reception costs.

John Mason

we paid for our wedding.

Both set of parents gave us a gift of money which would have paid for the wedding twice over.

the parents were given option to invite who they wanted to the afters but going to the whole was not even asked.

dahamsta

What kind of an asshat spends 26k on a wedding?

Vojera

I'm glad we're paying for our own, not because my mum would've wanted more people, but because if she had her way I'd be getting married out foreign with about two guests wearing a black sack and no one would ever know about it.

Since I'm from a small country village and I'm marrying/civil partnering a woman (shock horror!) it has taken my mum a loooooooooooong time to come around to the idea. When I told her we had set a date the first words out of her mouth were "I'm not paying for it". I never asked or hinted that she should! And since then it has been "Do you really need to invite all your cousins? Would you not just wear a nice suit rather than buying a wedding dress?" Etc etc. It was great that I could say "It's our money, we'll spend it how we see fit".

She has come around and is getting pretty excited now, but if she had been paying for it I just know she'd still have that penny pinching attitude.

barbiegirl

We paid for our own wedding, and in fairness neither family attempted to interfere. However both sets of parents gave us very generous monetary gifts which helped towards the honeymoon It wasn't expected but was gratefully received.
They did the same for each of us who are married and I would expect the same for the younger two.

meisha

dahamsta wrote: »

What kind of an asshat spends 26k on a wedding?

I know loads of couples who have..my sisters was 32.000 only a few months back..all paid for by herself and hubby..

Sunny Dayz

When we started making our wedding arrangements, our parents approached us and said they would fund the meal and the band, the rest was up to us. At least then we knew what to budget for. It did make us conscious about keeping costs down for them, there wasn't really many arguements regarding guests, we didn't want a wedding where we didn't actually know the guests!
A few weeks before our wedding, my mother rang to say they had booked car to bring us to church, we had arranged with a few of our friends to drive the bridal party, arguement ensued! They won out as they had booked for us, "your dad wanted to do something nice for you" melted my heart.
I think it's more of a rural thing and also because I'm the oldest girl in the family.

angeldelight

I think it totally depends on the parents circumstances - we booked the wedding we wanted and then my parents gave us a very substantial contribution to it, but we were never beholden to them to do things a certain way etc. It simply would not have been feasible for my husbands parents to give us similar - they paid for the mens suits instead. Both gestures were very much appreciated and in equal measure. I don't see any problem in parents contributing once it's not expected of them, and they're not "buying favours"

ronjo

meisha wrote: »

I know loads of couples who have..my sisters was 32.000 only a few months back..all paid for by herself and hubby..

Of course each to their own but what an amount of money for one day in your life..

tayto lover

In my opinion anyone getting married should have a meal with their immediate families after the church bit prior to fcuking off to the airport and enjoying a nice honeymoon abroad. This would cost 3/4 grand tops and that is quite enough to spend on a wedding.

blindside88

dahamsta wrote: »

What kind of an asshat spends 26k on a wedding?

The kind of asshat that can afford it? Do you say the same about people who spend big money on a house or a car or a holiday? Why does it bother you what other people spend their money on?

lazy girl

my dad paid for our wedding reception last year and the grooms parents also contributed 12k. as for most of my friends their parents pay for reception and wedding dress and generally grooms parents contribute also.

jamesjoyce1710

ronjo wrote: »

Of course each to their own but what an amount of money for one day in your life..

Its their money they can do what they want with it,

for our wedding we paid for it all ourselves but did get generous presents from our parents which went a long way to building back up the bank balance afterwards,
We both love out extended family so most were invited and we gave our parents a table each for their mates.

jamesjoyce1710

tayto lover wrote: »

In my opinion anyone getting married should have a meal with their immediate families after the church bit prior to fcuking off to the airport and enjoying a nice honeymoon abroad. This would cost 3/4 grand tops and that is quite enough to spend on a wedding.

each to thier own, one man 3k is anothers 30k,

loveisdivine

Our wedding (not including honeymoon) is budgeted at around 9500 and so far we are within budget and on track to stay within.
His mum gave us 2k and my dad gave us 2k. My dad wont try and and take any control, he just isnt that kind of person. His mum has already tried to tell us who we have to invite etc but I dont think she will pull the "I paid blah blah" card on us. They have both given the money as a gift and neither really expect it to mean they can make decisions about the day.

McCloskey_A

We paid for our own wedding, still got the crap of u have to invite such and such off the lane!! But managed to limit it!
But asking people to price things as a favour we found they then went and booked it and the gifted to us! Which was v generous but a bit irritating as that wasn't our intention

paulbok

Although we paid for our own wedding, we did get substantial cash gifts from our parents.
They did ask for a small number (5/6 each side) of relations and neighbours that weren't origionally on the list, but at the same time suggested we remove a lot more than that from the list so overall they reduced the numbers for us.:)

Tombo2001

I dont get the whole "We paid for our wedding, but both sets of parents gave us very substantial financial gifts" thing.....

To me that means that the parents paid for it...or at least a good chunk of it.....just because they didnt physically pay for the reception.....its their bank accounts that are down at the end of it, not yours......you cant have your cake and eat it.

Gatica

That's not entirely true, unless you're counting on that money to pay for something.
We got what we thought was a lot of money from parents (not as much as some people on this thread by any stretch though). We saved and budgeted for the wedding. Got the money as a gift in the couple of weeks before the wedding. That money didn't get touched til we went on honeymoon, some of it only got lodged in couple of days before the wedding. Some of it still left over after the honeymoon, as we managed to save more than we needed and had got cash gifts from many other friends and family. I wouldn't consider their gifts as payment for our wedding.

lowly26

dahamsta wrote: »

What kind of an asshat spends 26k on a wedding?

my thoughts excatly!!!

lowly26

blindside88 wrote: »

The kind of asshat that can afford it? Do you say the same about people who spend big money on a house or a car or a holiday? Why does it bother you what other people spend their money on?

but they arent really spending their own money are they ? they are spending their parents!

eviltwin

My family weren't involved in my wedding and my husbands family wouldn't have had the money to give us a contribution. We paid for it all ourselves and our budget was 1000 euros.

Tbh even if we had been given a hand out I think we would have kept the budget as it was and put the money into our home or the kids college fund.

Senna

Our parents didn't pay for our wedding but we asked both sides was there people they would like to be there that weren't on our list. Each side asked about 3/4 people and we were happy to accommodate them, these were friends of our parents but we did know them all.

Sligo1

dahamsta wrote: »

What kind of an asshat spends 26k on a wedding?

lowly26 wrote: »

but they arent really spending their own money are they ? they are spending their parents!

How do you know it's their parents money???? Did they inform you of this personally?? Plenty of people I know have paid over this amount and not taken a penny from their parents. They earn enough money between them to pay over and above that amount themselves.... IMO it really is up to the individual couple what they want to spend their money on... And no couple necessarily deserve to be called any derogatory names because they work hard for a living and decide on a day and pay for a day that is to their liking. Completely up to the couple what they spend and what they decide on THEIR day. But hey, that's just my opinion.

Gatica

We paid for our wedding. It wasn't cheap but I have no regrets. I'd spend it all over again and more. We had a brilliant day and so did most of our friends and family. Money is such a temporary thing, if this economy goes under, so will all those savings (unlikely I know). It's there to be spent. Whether a house, a car or a wedding. What's the point of keeping it somewhere if you're not gonna use it....? You can always earn more in the future.

Peregrinus

Sligo1 wrote: »

How do you know it's their parents money???? Did they inform you of this personally??

We are told back in post #1 that more than half of the 26k is coming from parents; the couple themselves are only providing 10k.

Sligo1

Peregrinus wrote: »

We are told back in post #1 that more than half of the 26k is coming from parents; the couple themselves are only providing 10k.

Yes we are told by the OP that this PARTICULAR couple's parents are helping out. However, it was lowly 26's post which I was referring to which appeared to be generalizing couples and not specifically referring to the OPs post and the OPs friends whose parents are helping them out. In fact, Lowlys was actually referring to Blindside 88's post if you care to have a look ;-).... which was referring to houses, cars and holidays....

If I am wrong and this is not a generalization then apologies... However, then perhaps the poster (Lowly) should have made this a little clearer and quoted the OPs post in his/her comment rather than making a remark after 3 pages of numerous other posters which this comment could have also been attributed to.

And i am still of the opinion that there is no need for derogatory remarks about people and what they spend on their day or anything else they chose to spend their money on. Also, even if it is their parents that CHOSE to give gifts of money or whatever have you for their childs wedding day then I think thats great and the children very very lucky and fortunate to have parents willing to do that. Also to have parents with the means to do that for them. I dont really think its anyone elses business TBH. As my fiance has said before... "Jealousy is a trait well versed in the Irish".

lowly26

Sligo1 wrote: »

How do you know it's their parents money???? Did they inform you of this personally?? Plenty of people I know have paid over this amount and not taken a penny from their parents. They earn enough money between them to pay over and above that amount themselves.... IMO it really is up to the individual couple what they want to spend their money on... And no couple necessarily deserve to be called any derogatory names because they work hard for a living and decide on a day and pay for a day that is to their liking. Completely up to the couple what they spend and what they decide on THEIR day. But hey, that's just my opinion.

the op said the were getting 12,000 from one side and 4.000 from the other sides parents , that what im refering to! i never said anything about holidays or anything like that, the poster did, it was the last question in that post that i was saying it was the parents money to. thats all.

if a couple pays for it them selves and they want to spend all that money , thats grand for them my point was that most of the wedding was paid for by the parents in this instance, nothing more and nothing less

Sligo1

lowly26 wrote: »

the op said the were getting 12,000 from one side and 4.000 from the other sides parents , that what im refering to!

Lol... Perhaps you should have quoted that then to avoid confusion. And as said previously... What the heck does it matter! And who's business is it anyway....

lowly26

Sligo1 wrote: »

Lol... Perhaps you should have quoted that then to avoid confusion. And as said previously... What the heck does it matter! And who's business is it anyway....

i dont know how to shorten quotes on this , thats the reason why all comment go in to my comment when i quote it

lowly26

Sligo1 wrote: »

Lol... Perhaps you should have quoted that then to avoid confusion. And as said previously... What the heck does it matter! And who's business is it anyway....

also i was just pointing something out , it is not my thread it was the op who was looking for opinions. i never said it was my business or any one elses

Sligo1

lowly26 wrote: »

i dont know how to shorten quotes on this , thats the reason why all comment go in to my comment when i quote it

Lol. Fair enough if you we're referring specifically to the op. but you never quoted him/her once so it would be inevitable that others may mistake comments for generalisations. Either way, as previously mentioned... I really don't see why it's even an issue to others what price some people or their parents decide to spend on their wedding. Absolutely ridiculous IMO.

lowly26

i didnt quote the op because i was pointing something out to someone else. it doesnt bother me it bothers the op so maybe you should think about asking op why this matters.

Sligo1

lowly26 wrote: »

i didnt quote the op because i was pointing something out to someone else. it doesnt bother me it bothers the op so maybe you should think about asking op why this matters.

I don't think it really bothers the OP... He/she was simply asking if this still happens with some couples....

dahamsta wrote: »

What kind of an asshat spends 26k on a wedding?

lowly26 wrote: »

my thoughts excatly!!!

....But it obviously does bother you... And a lot of others so it seems.....

Jewow

We are currently planning our wedding and I would have thought 26k was alot of money but I was so surprised how quick it adds up, our budget came to around 26k and that was not doing anything extravagant but did include honeymoon and a very decent hotel.