Living together at a very early stage of a relationship

LegacyUser

I've been seeing a girl for around a week or two and I'm in a bit of a predicament. Basically, she came over here from Europe with her boyfriend of a year and a half and they were living together somewhere on the Northside until their relationship dissolved a few weeks ago. Since then, she has been staying with some friends from home (who are friends of mine from college hence how we met in the first place!) that also happen to live in Dublin. She says that she feels as though her stay there is somewhat imposing as the gents who live there insist that she sleeps in one of their beds while they slum it on a couch/beanbag. Being friends with the guys themselves, I know them to be really accommodating and genuine but I presume that even the patience of a saint can expire. I don't know how they feel about the current living situation but she feels somewhat guilty and as though she is imposing upon their household.

Anyway, she has been hanging around with me quite a bit lately and we've been getting on really well. She has commented on the fact that we have a vacant front room in our college accommodation and she has suggested (suggested might be too light of a word actually, she has pretty much stated) that she could move into that front room, live with us and pay myself and my four housemates a small bit of rent. When she raised this idea with me, I was eager to lead her away from the idea of 'moving in' and towards the idea of just staying for extended periods (2-3 days) of time as a guest in my room. She suggested this idea to my other housemates who are of course, too polite and too prudent to meet the suggestion with an outright 'no' even though when I brought it up to them last night they agreed with me that it wouldn't be an ideal situation to find ourselves in and that I should pretty much nip it in the bud. Myself and my four housemates are quite a closed gang and we deliberately decided to leave that spare room vacant so as to preserve that unity, reserving it solely for when friends decide to crash and whatnot.

I'm really against the idea of her moving in indefinitely considering we've only been seeing each other a week so this feels waaaay too premature and downright scary (I've never been in a relationship before never mind sharing a house with a girlfriend). How should I approach this? She mighn't have considering her proposal from my side, she may have just seen an opportunity to live guilt-free in a room in town (which is reasonable) and neglected to think of how it would affect our embryonic relationship.

(As an aside, she says that she is going to start renting once she finds a job but her efforts at doing so have proved fruitless since arriving here five weeks ago. My concerns here are a) she might not find a job for quite a while and b) even if she does find a job, she might have settled into our house by that time and wouldn't consider looking for somewhere else.)

Thanks in advance!

Ellsbells

Absolutely no way!!!! She has a nerve alright. Tell her that you have discussed it with your flatmates and they are not interested in having anyone else living there. There are plenty of places she can share. Dont entertain this.

daisybelle2008

Early stage of your ,'relationship' :eek::eek:. What relationship? You meet her a week ago? You barely know this girl.
Cool the jets for Gods sake. She is on the rebound and clearly her priority is securing a roof over her head by latching onto you. She doesn't give a damn about your feelings and needs a meal ticket fast due to her circumstances. Needs must and she is in survival mode. Hard to blame her really. But she will be very hard to budge once she gets her feet under the table.

Just tell her you are only one fifth of the decision in the house and it is not acceptable to the housemates.

ElleEm

OP, I agree with the other posters. You need to be VERY clear with her and tell her it's just not happening. Use the excuse of the other guys in the house if you need to. It sounds like you'd be a handy rebound for her if you went along with it!

ManOfMystery

This is not a relationship yet. This is still very much in the early dating stage. And having someone live with you (whether in another room or not, it's still under your roof) in the early dating stage is nothing short of madness.

If you continue dating, you'll eventually end up sleeping together and then she'll see no need to have a room of her own at all. Why would she sleep alone with her boyfriend in the same house? At which stage you will then basically have gone from a few dates to living together, which I really would not recommend doing that soon without having some semblance of a relationship first to see just how compatible you are.

To be honest, I'm surprised she's even suggested it. It implies to me that she's manipulating the situation somewhat.

ash23

No way, no how.

And I speak as someone who is staying with my boyfriend of a few months as a short term stop gap.

When I came to stay with him we had an agreed time frame in which I would move out by and we are sticking to it.

Just say no, it's too soon and you and your housemates don't want another tenant. if she kicks off well, she's not a reasonable person.
I know of people who moved in together quite quickly and it can and does work, but only if both are 100% sure about it.

Just be careful she isn't using you to sub her. She needs to be actively looking for work and trying to sort out her own living situation.

Katgurl

Ugh.

I hate the sound of this.

Why can't she look after herself? Find a room, pay rent, not be relying in strangers beds or brand new boyfriends spare rooms. She finds herself homeless after she breaks up with her boyfriend. She is immediately in some other blokes bed but when that welcome wears thin she gets involved with new boyfriend and states (seriously she STATED) she will move in for token rent.

Get rid. She is a parasite and not your problem.

Merkin

What a cheeky mare! You haven't known her a wet week. She's a freeloader and my guess would be that this "rent" she speaks of wouldn't be forthcoming either. You're not running a St. Vincent de Paul hostel, tell her to sort herself out like every other human being has to. The very CHEEK of her!

Pippy1976

She is not your responsibility although you sound like a nice person and you probably don't want to see her stuck but seriously definitely no... you don't know her.

WAY too soon. As someone else said, nip this in the bud - she needs to sort herself out.

cloud_dancer

This screams REBOUND! :eek: And a very convenient rebound at that with a spare room at his place. :rolleyes: I would say she's only out for herself at the moment and you don’t come into it at all. Who's to say that if she moves in she won't tell you it's not working out in a week or two. Then you have her there in the house, on cheap rent and won’t be able to get rid of her. Either that or like a poster above says, she’ll try and worm her way into your room so she won’t have to pay any rent.

No reasonable person would try to do what she is suggesting. There is help available from social welfare from people who find themselves in this situation. She won't be dumped out onto the street. I suggest you point her in the right direction and run!!!

Meauldsegosha

She only broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago and now she is seeing you. After a week she suggests moving into your spare room. Take a step back and look at the situation, if one of your mates told you this story what would you think??

She is playing you. Don't get sucked in, she has no job, nowhere to live you're an easy option for her.

Kwal

Oh god dont let her move in!! Cheek of her to suggest it in the first place!! It def sounds like your a rebound thingy for her...sorry to say that though! She isnt your responsibilty...yer only together a week like!! No no no!
On a different note...for yourself now, she is more than likely...no shes def not over her ex so should you really be getting involved so soon after her break up??

ted1

Sounds like a sponger. Tell her the landlord won't allow it.

Pippy1976

Kwal wrote: »

Oh god dont let her move in!! Cheek of her to suggest it in the first place!! It def sounds like your a rebound thingy for her...

I don't even think this a rebound situation - I think she's a sponger, simple as. Again, she needs to sort herself out.. surely those friends of hers can steer her in the right direction.

Bail! Now!

LegacyUser

This girl broke up with her boyfriend and needs a place to live.
You have any known her a wet week and she thinks /// has a spare room and I can move in there for small rent.
I would tell her that your and your flat mates don't want another person renting in the house.
You don't want to fall out with your friends over her and also it is nice to be in a position with the spare room to have it for friends or family that need to crash.
She wants to pay you very little rent, she will be in the house all day so your esb, heating bills ect will rise.
I am sure that she know that they want her out of where she is staying and this is why she is asking can I move into the spare room. If you tell her no I am sure that she won't want to be with you any longer and if this happens you have had a lucky escape.

Idle Passerby

Whats happened here is she's getting the bums rush in her current free/cheap accomodation so she's moving onto the next meal ticket.

If moving in with 'boyfriends' shes only met a few days ago is how she normally rolls, its not surprising she's found herself in her current situation.