When the cousins come home

Jellybaby1

A couple of friends were doing their family trees. One has managed to find cousins in other countries and invited them to come and stay over the summer and seemingly it all went well and they exchanged information and all were very happy. The other story was a bit different as a couple of complete strangers arrived out of the blue looking for accommodation with their 'long lost cousins'. :eek:

I am presently trying to contact distant relatives in another country but to date they are not replying, obviously think its a scam. My family suggested I give it another go. However, with the Gathering (rude word, I know!) next year, I'm afraid I might end up with visitors I don't particularly want. Americans have a habit of turning up on doorsteps. Has anyone else had unexpected guests?

I feel safer with dead people!

Alicat

I unfortunately had two newly discovered cousins from America announce that they were coming to Ireland for a week and couldn't wait to see me! It was about two years ago, in December and I was too busy to meet up with them (I work in retail and Christmas run up is just too busy). Sent them a message apologising that I didn't have time and since then they won't even message me! Thought it was a bit cheeky. Lovely for them to have the time and money to make a trip like that, but it was not good timing for me! No need to get in a snot!

pinkypinky

I have met with distant cousins (3rd cousin once removed, his wife and their kid - my 4th cousin). I did not offer accommodation but met up with them at their hotel and had dinner. Was very successful and just the right level of contact. Having only a small apartment is a great excuse!

Jellybaby1

They obviously think we have nothing else to do but entertain them at the drop of a hat. I did have a slight problem with a lady from a European country some years ago. Every year she'd ring and give us the good news that she was coming for three weeks holiday. I made sure she wasn't invited by asking her where she was staying and she never booked any accommodation so I felt she was looking for an invitation. Can't cope with this every year so I dropped all communication as I felt it was quite an imposition. She then would ring my other friends, and usually got accommodation by ousting one of their (adult) family members onto a couch or a mattress on the floor. Really bad manners!

RGM

I did meet up with a third cousin when I was over to Ireland this summer, but he invited me. I had my own accommodation and he just had me around for an afternoon, it was a lovely time.

I tend to be a fairly private person and expect my space and privacy to be respected, so I'm always looking to avoid imposing on people. Even with close friends or family, I will never just show up. I know the same can't be said for many though.

I've actually come to expect no response when I contact distant cousins out of the blue. I try to do it on Facebook if possible, so that they can see I am a real person, but of all the people I've contacted (outside genealogy web sites), only one got back to me and she happened to be involved with the family tree on her own. Most people seem to have no interest or dismiss it as a scam.

Then again, I live in Delaware. Not exactly a hot tourist spot. Maybe I should start telling people I contact that I'm in Ireland.

pedroeibar1

I have had some great experiences but I’ve always been wary / distant concerning relatives. Just because people have a shared ancestor does not mean they will relate well or have much in common. With foreigners inevitably one side doesn’t understand that cultures differ, despite a common language. Ground rule - I don’t do accommodation, I’m not a hotel. If the ‘cousins’ are interested in meeting to discuss family history they will propose a meeting in a neutral place – that is just manners – and it is then my choice to say ‘come for coffee/whatever’ at a time that suits.

The 8xGGrandson of my 10xGGrandfather* and I had exchanged a few emails and eventually had dinner together in a neutral place, my invite, I paid. It was enjoyable and ‘genealogically profitable’ for both of us. A year later with some free time in England, on his introduction I met another family member, a nonagenarian, a lovely lady and a marvellous character, treated me to sherry and some great family scandal stories. Others from that branch have been in contact and we keep up a desultory correspondence.
One individual has stopped emailing me since I told him I would not be available to welcome him to my home on the date he came to Ireland.

*We agreed that a generational gap in the 18thC would never be proven, but family lore on both sides, together with a decent body of evidence, is sufficient for us to accept the link.

Jellybaby1

Thanks all for taking the time to answer my question. I hope our foreign cousins don't get too upset with me but really it is good manners to wait for an invitation. If it does not come, make your own arrangements. For my part, one bitten, twice shy!

Elizabetha

When I was little I remember relatives we didnt know trying to invite themselves over from Sweeden, my dad was having none of it lol!