Depressed and messed up.

LegacyUser

I'm 19, female and suffering from mental health issues. I just don't know what to do anymore

I've suffered from anxiety/depression on and off since I was a kid. It seems odd but I was such an overly anxious child, unable to socialise and pretty much miserable for half of my childhood. I wasn't abused but was bullied. But the bullying probably only happened because I was an easy target due to this.

I've been suffering a bout of depression since around this time last year. I don't know if anything caused it. I attended counseling for a few months, went to the GP and psychiatrist on campus. Was on meds which I ended up coming off of because I couldn't afford to go back to my GP to get another prescription. I'm self harming frequently and I've attempted suicide a few times this year. Didn't end up in hospital as I've sorted it out myself.

I was in college, ended up dropping out of my dream course because I just couldn't handle anything. Wasn't able to study, was having multiple panic attacks a day. So now I'm sitting on my ass, unemployed, and barely able to look for work. I have three friends, one who knows everything, one knows a couple of bits and pieces and one who knows almost nothing. But two of them are moving on and I really don't blame them as I'm finding it so hard to talk to them.

I'm seeing another psychiatrist at the local health centre now. My biggest problem is that they + their supervisor claim I'm not depressed. They had me back on new meds which I stupidly came off of again (it wasn't working and I was getting way to anxious about picking it up from the pharmacy). I don't know why they think that but I feel like they're just saying that I'm fine. Fine and dandy and everything is a-okay. Which it isn't.

So now I don't know what to do. Which is why I'm online at 3am posting my entire life story in the hope that someone will have the faintest idea of what I can do.

RossFixxxed

Hi, that's a very tough situation. The first thing you need to do is keep an open mind to one fact: IT CAN GET BETTER, and it ultimately WILL GET BETTER. That slight shift in attitude is extremely difficult I know. Please don't take it as 'ah you'll be fine' it is far from that.

You clearly need help. If your doctor isn't helping find another. Do NOT come off any medication without close supervision of a professional. You absolutely NEED to keep at whatever a mental health professional recommends. They are the ones who do this for a living and they are the ones who can help.

Things are obviously seriously wrong and something needs to change. You need to get up today and make another appointment. Explain what is wrong. Do anything and everything you can do. I've lost people to suicide and it is absolutely life shattering after the event. You need to turn this around.

I'm rooting for you OP, if there is ANYTHING at all I can answer in here, or any contacts / links or anything I can provide please, please ask.

I've seen people in truely dire situations get out of that hole and back on their feet. Many dramatically, they are now some of the strongest, most compassionate people I've ever met.

Keep at it, go for professional help and even if you don't want to, STICK WITH IT!

RossFixxxed

I normally wouldn't repost like this, but something in that post has alarmed me. I don't like that the OP has disappeared like this. There's something very serious behind that post and it's other than the obvious stuff. It's the language etc.

OP if you are out there, keep in touch here (I KNOW that's not the usual), I really have been where you are and I KNOW FOR A FACT IT CAN GET BETTER. Let us know what you are doing, and if there is anything at all we can help with here. Life can be impossible seeming sometimes and there are many friendly voices on boards who would love to help you, myself included. Don't cut us out here, and don't take how quiet it is here to mean anything.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you, and can recommend some great docs etc if you need them.

I really have been in some very dark places over the years, and I have dragged myself out of it. I hate to see others go the same way and make all the mistakes I made. There are proven ways to help. Don't lose hope.

Ickle Magoo

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