leopard and his spots!

LegacyUser

As they say a leopard never changes his spots...

Is this only in reference to when a man cheats/or physically abusive?

It gets me thinking about my ex. He showed little to no respect for me when we were together, he was bored with me, he needed all his friends around instead of being alone with me.

But because we share a son, he will always be in my life. He now and again asks 'can we try again'. Tells me he loves me on the odd occasion. But I worry and question will he be the same should we reunite.

When we're not in a relationship, he seems to be lovely, kind, considerate, we even seem compatible by getting along, it's living together where the bad changes occured. I worry of going back to that. I'm afraid of repeated failure.

Do you reckon from what I experienced I would endure same from him again? Which brings me back to the quote... Will this leopard ever change his spots?

Taltos

OP - your ex will more than likely never change.

Both of you have a responsibilty to your son and all of this on again off again is only going to mess his head up big time.
One of you (you) will have to be the adult here and call time on this charade.

Develop a co-parenting relationship - where you both put your child ahead of all else.
In terms of a potential relaionship - I'm sorry but how many times do you have to choose to allow him to mess you about before you say enough?
Don't get me wrong - I am not putting all the blame on your ex here - from your piece above I think you both share the blame for allowing this to repeat over and over. As tough as it is you have to just say "No" and mean it - even if it breaks your heart as this guy doesn't seem mature enough to be able to be there consistently as you need him.

Just wondering if his "can we try this again" happens to coincide with when you either show interest in another person or you begin to emotionally move on? Just thinking it might all be a ploy (even subconsciously) not to let you get on with things...

Apologies if this reads as being harsh - that is not my intent, I am just one of those blunt guys that calls it as I see it.

BoardsMember

You know the answer OP, you just wish it wasn't so. Looks like maybe he still controls you, i.e. when he is nice he knows you soften and has a feeling you are more inclined to think about getting back with him. Be strong. Be really nice to him, but take control and tell yourself that you will never entertain the thought of being with him again, but take the positives from the fact you know he's like you back.

To your basic question, about leopards and spots. I think people can change, yes. Someone can be thoughtless or hurtful or unfaithful in one relationship and learn from their mistakes, and be much better in another relationship. It's as much to do with what the individuals in the relationship are prepared to put up with that defines what way things end up going.

But within a specific instance of a relationship, I think it is very hard for the dynamics to change significantly. The "allowables" are very hard to reverse, the pain difficult to erase. How often do you see people who have lots of break ups in the post honeymoon period get married, and end up separated?

LegacyUser

OP here again.

Wow thank you so much for such great advice from you both. You are spot on.

Thank you for knocking some much needed sense into me. I am better than him and his crap. I am an attractive lady and I will meet someone that deserves me for me.



I feel energised!!! )

BoardsMember

Fantastic, good on you....good luck!