Absence not making the heart grow fonder!

LegacyUser

I've been going out with a fella for the past four months. He's a great guy and he's really sweet.
After 2 months of being together he decided to go back to college and so he moved about an hour and a half away from our home town. He is the during the week and back home at the weekends.
When he's home, between his weekend job/ hobby, general hobbies, friends and family, we might only see each other for an hour or two at a time and not necessarily every weekend.

He is not great to keep in contact either so we don't text every day.

I don't know if I am being clingy by thinking this but seeing him so little is starting to make me loose interest in the relationship, which is a pity because we do get along well and he is so nice.

I can't expect to see him anymore than I am at the moment because he is so busy and he seems happy with the amount of time we are spending together. He has a very social busy life so of course I am not no. 1 for him.

I feel that I am not getting to know him as much as I would like. When we get together it still takes me some time to loosen up and relax around him. I feel fairly distant from him most of the time and I know it would not be like this if we were to spend more time together.

Is it normal to only spend such a amall amount of time with a gf/ bf and am I being unreasonable to be expecting more. To be honest I feel a little pi**ed that he doesn't want the same. Does that make me clingy? Don't really know what to think. We are both early 20's by the way.

R.D. aka MR.D

Have you talked to him about it? Maybe he thinks that you are happy with the arrangement.

If you aren't getting what you want from the relationship then i would consider moving on.

For me personally only seeing some one for a few hours at the weekend would not be enough. I only see my OH at the weekends too but we spend at least a whole day and night together.

cloud_dancer

oaktree23 wrote: »

I've been going out with a fella for the past four months. He's a great guy and he's really sweet.
After 2 months of being together he decided to go back to college and so he moved about an hour and a half away from our home town. He is the during the week and back home at the weekends.
When he's home, between his weekend job/ hobby, general hobbies, friends and family, we might only see each other for an hour or two at a time and not necessarily every weekend.

He is not great to keep in contact either so we don't text every day.

I don't know if I am being clingy by thinking this but seeing him so little is starting to make me loose interest in the relationship, which is a pity because we do get along well and he is so nice.

I can't expect to see him anymore than I am at the moment because he is so busy and he seems happy with the amount of time we are spending together. He has a very social busy life so of course I am not no. 1 for him.

I feel that I am not getting to know him as much as I would like. When we get together it still takes me some time to loosen up and relax around him. I feel fairly distant from him most of the time and I know it would not be like this if we were to spend more time together.

Is it normal to only spend such a amall amount of time with a gf/ bf and am I being unreasonable to be expecting more. To be honest I feel a little pi**ed that he doesn't want the same. Does that make me clingy? Don't really know what to think. We are both early 20's by the way.

I don't think you are being clingy in any way shape or form. Seeing someone for a couple of hours a week is tough to deal with especially if he doesn't keep in touch that often by other means. How long will this go on for if he stays in college. You have to think about what you want from a relationship. If you are ready for a full time boyfriend in your life then maybe it's time to reconsider this arrangement.

LegacyUser

What would be the best way of bringing it up with him? What should I say?

I'm afraid I'll sound clingy if I ask for more time!

cloud_dancer

Ask him if he's happy with the way things are now with the level of contact you have. You can let him know that although you love him, you aren't feeling as close to him as you once were. I take it you can't be being intimate much if you've little time together and there are other people around when you meet. That's probably one of the best parts of a new relationship Say you'd like some more time to do coupley stuff on your own and maybe arrange some sleepovers so you have more time together.

If he can't give you any more then you need to make a decision. Is he really worth it or would you be happier with someone else who has the time to spend with you?

LegacyUser

I'll try that so. The thing is, I'm not sure if he actually has anymore time to give me unless he were to give up one of his hobbies. I would never ask him to do that.
I think he already knows that I'm unhappy with the way things are. When he was moving away I said to him that I was'nt sure it was going to work out when he left. He assured me that he would be off every Friday and it would be a day for us every week. So far I've spent 0 Fridays with him as he always has other stuff going on.
He has promised to get his car back on he road so that he could visit me midweek. Thi hasn't happened.He said it's lack of money but he does go out drinking and spends money on that.
He will text me every so often telling me he misses me but we never have an actual conversation by text. I kinda think he's saying all of this to keep me sweet.
He only gives me as much time as he would give any other friend but this is his first relationship so maybe he doesn't know any better.
So far in the month of October I've seen him a grand total of 2 hours. While he's away he never even ensures he has phone credit so that we can keep in contact.
Saying all of that, I know he does really like me and got me a lovely thoughtful present for my birthday a few weeks ago. I do genuinely think he cares.

cloud_dancer

He's not making you a priority in his life. Maybe he's not mature enough for this kind of relationship. For long distance to work the two people have to be very committed to keeping up contact.

If you don't see how he can fit more time with you in then maybe it's best to move on and find someone who has the time to spend with you.

ariescutie30

oaktree23 wrote: »

I've been going out with a fella for the past four months. He's a great guy and he's really sweet.
After 2 months of being together he decided to go back to college and so he moved about an hour and a half away from vuour home town. He is the during the week and back home at the weekends.
When he's home, between his weekend job/ hobby, general hobbies, friends and family, we might only see each other for an hour or two at a time and not necessarily every weekend.

He is not great to keep in contact either so we don't text every day.

I don't know if I am being clingy by thinking this but seeing him so little is starting to make me loose interest in the relationship, which is a pity because we do get along well and he is so nice.

I can't expect to see him anymore than I am at the moment because he is so busy and he seems happy with the amount of time we are spending together. He has a very social busy life so of course I am not no. 1 for him.

I feel that I am not getting to know him Has much as I would like. When we get together it still takes me some time to loosen up and relax around him. I feel fairly distant from him most of the time and I know it would not be like this if we were to spend more time together.

Is it normal to only spend such a amall amount of time with a gf/ bf and am I being unreasonable to be expecting more. To be honest I feel a little pi**ed that he doesn't want the same. Does that make me clingy? Don't really know what to think. We are both early 20's by the way.

He's seeing other women so this is why this is enough time spent for him

Taltos

ariescutie30 - welcome to PI/RI.
Please keep your posts on topic. Off topic posting or flaming is not acceptable in this forum. Nothing the OP has written has indicated her BF is seeing someone else so to make that assertion is clearly what we consider a flaming post seeking a response. As such posts can and do pull threads off topic we are quick to action them.

If you persist in posting in breach of our charter you will shortly earn a suspension of your posting rights. Before posting again please take five minutes now to read what is / not acceptable here. Any further problems on this thread will result in an immediate holiday from PI.

Taltos

Ellsbells

I dint think its the distance but saying that long distance isn't for everyone. I would never have a long distance relationship again. The main issue here is he is not making you a priority. What did ye do when you met him for those two hours? If it was straight to bed then that clears something up.

IMHO he isn't willing to put the appropriate amount of effort in. You might want to have a chat with him but I suspect little will change long term. There are a lot of nice guys out there who won't mess you round like this.

LegacyUser

Ellsbells wrote: »

I dint think its the distance but saying that long distance isn't for everyone. I would never have a long distance relationship again. The main issue here is he is not making you a priority. What did ye do when you met him for those two hours? If it was straight to bed then that clears something up.

IMHO he isn't willing to put the appropriate amount of effort in. You might want to have a chat with him but I suspect little will change long term. There are a lot of nice guys out there who won't mess you round like this.

We went to the cinema for the 2 hours. He isn't the kind of guy to use a girl for sex, in fact, we havn't slept together in over a month!

It is a pity if there is no way of fixing things because he is a lovely guy and we get on so well when we do see each other.
I text him yesterday and asked him if he fancied a visit to his college house during the week. He said he would love me to visit and he seemed to be looking forward to it.
I'm just annoyed because he didn't ask me to meet up at all this weekend and if I hadn't suggested going to see him during the coming week, it would be a least another week before I saw him again!
I don't want to be the one putting in all the effort.