Personalising a civil ceremony

Vojera

My partner and I are having our civil partnership in 5 months and are meeting the registrar next week.

I've never been to a wedding that wasn't in a Church before so I was wondering, to what extent can you personalise the ceremony? I know you're not allowed anything religious, but can you have music? Or get someone to read a poem or whatever? Feeling pretty clueless! And does it depend on the registrar themselves? Thanks!

tatli_lokma

Vojera wrote: »

but can you have music? Or get someone to read a poem or whatever? !

Yes and Yes to both.

We had musicical intervals, a candle lighting ceremony and three readings (poems). Once you have the legally required bits in the correct order you can then add in as you wish. However, if you are having your ceremony in the registry office they will be more strict on the length of time the ceremony takes. Ours was in an outside venue and our ceremony was about 45 mins. Our ceremony was at 3.30. So if you have an earlier slot again time might be a factor if the registrar needs to get to a later ceremony.

The staff at the Registrars offices are all lovely and really helpful. Ask them to send you an outline of the required service and then discuss how long you can extend it to. They will want to review your planned service to ensure it is ok timewise and also has no religious references. But it is all pretty straight forward.

Vojera

Thanks for that! It'll be in a hotel, but I see what you mean about them maybe having to get back to the office as well. We don't want much, don't want the ceremony going on too long, but want a little beyond the bare essentials.

tatli_lokma

Vojera wrote: »

Thanks for that! It'll be in a hotel, but I see what you mean about them maybe having to get back to the office as well. We don't want much, don't want the ceremony going on too long, but want a little beyond the bare essentials.

no they don't get back to the office, but at certain times of year they will do a ceremony in the early afternoon (around 12.30 I think) and then another one at 3.30. So if it takes an hour to get from one place to the other and your ceremony runs for an hour it makes things very tight for them so they will tell you to shorten it (they need to be at the venue 30 mins before the ceremony AFAIK).

As I say, actually ask the name of your registrar and then communicate with him/her directly. That is what we did and she was absolutely lovely and even made some suggestions which were much appreciated. Once you don't mess with the running order of the legal stuff, you can add in poems and music no bother.

deelite

I've been to quite a few registry office weddings and I must say they are very personal and intimate affairs. All have been beautiful and you feel part of the ceromony. The last one I was at the bride got her sister to read a poem, the best man read a funny story and their children gave the rings to the bride / groom it was lovely.

Gatica

we had a non-religious ceremony, though it wasn't a HSE one. We had all non-religious songs that meant something to us, and readings that we both loved. We had 3 poems (one by Seamus Heaney, and one written by my grandmother to her husband when they first met) and a reading about love. The songs were all contemporary, we had "Black is the Colour", "into my arms" by nick Cave, "La Vie en Rose" and "All I ask of you" from Phantom of the Opera.
Talk to your solemniser about the ceremony structure and just add the personal touches you want into it. If you want to say your own vows, that's also a nice way to personalise it.