not sure if my drinking is a problem?

LegacyUser

hi, im going unreg for this as its kind of embarrassing.
im looking for advice from people who may have felt or behaved like me.

im not a big drinker, i dont go out much. maybe once or twice a month with the girls, i have a few but never get too bad. i dont get hammered drunk and i go out and have a good time.
going out drinking doesnt seem to be the problem.

but, when i go home alone in the evening, i have started to open a bottle of wine. i do enjoy a glass or two in the evening, with dinner, maybe one after.
the problem is that i keep going. even after i have stopped enjoying it. its like i finish the bottle just for the sake of it.
its not effecting my life as such, i might feel a small bit seedy in the morning but nothing that stops me from living my life/working etc.

i guess i have just started to think maybe its too much, pretty much every evening i wil open a bottle, and i will always finish it.maybe even opening a second bottle. im not as far as finishing the second bottle but i know myself with the long dark evenings, im starting the wine earlier and earlier.

every morning i wake up i say, i wont buy any this evening but by the time home time comes i get a bottle on the way home, just cos i fancy one.

im a single womaan in her 30's, i suppose im probably lonely in the evenings and i feel like im becoming a cliche, one of those old winos.

i dont think im an alcoholic, i dunno exactly what im looking for here just maybe some advice from people who found themselves in the same boat. maybe its not really a problem but i guess if im starting to think it is, then it is.

MissFlitworth

If you're putting away at least 1 and moving towards 2 bottles of wine every night of the week you're a pretty big drinker. It sounds like you're telling yourself its not an issue because when you drink with other people you keep it under control but not being able to stop yourself drinking a bottle of wine every night you're alone is worrying. You may not be an alcoholic but you are on a slippery slope. It might help to talk to someone about the reasons why you can't stop yourself buying that bottle every night. It could even be something as simple as changing your life around a bit so you're more active in the evenings, boredom & loneliness are a bad combination. Good for you for stepping back and taking stock of your booze intake, don't let yourself slide towards that point where you're on 2 bottles a night, it really is a *big* deal to frequently drink that much on your own

LegacyUser

yea, i do think its loneliness and boredom that sees me in this situation. i know if i have something else to do then i dont bother with the wine.
i am trying to do other things, but to be honest with the dark evenings and winter closing in, i dont feel there is anything else that i can do. i go to cinema now and again. i walk my dog every evening. its just sitting there alone after these things i do fancy a glass of red!

i dont know what i should do, AA is a bit much i think, as im not an alcoholic, but i really dont wnat to go down that road either. it runs in the family and i believe its kind of a hereditery thing as well, im far more likely to be one rather than someone that doesnt have it in their family.

is there anywhere else i can go? anyone i can talk to without going to AA?

Big Bag of Chips

There's loads to do if you just look for it.
You say if you're doing somethig else then you're not bothered.. so find something else to do!

Look at your local paper. Have a look at the notice boards in your shop/library. Find an evening class, or group that meets up. Join a drama group. Take up dancing/a musical instrument/knitting!

I live near a small dreary Irish town, and only the other day we were commenting, that small and all as it is - if you're looking for something.. it has it!

Especially coming in to the winter now, lots of clubs and groups start up again who might have taken a break for the summer. Lots of clubs/classes/groups specifically run over the winter to give people something to do for the long evenings.

okiss

It is a good thing that you have realised the amount you have begun to drink over the last period of time and also that you starting to drink earlier in the evenings.
I looked up the nhs.co.uk site. From this I found out a woman should drink 3 units of alcohol each day which is a 175 ml glass of wine with a ABV of 13%.
A 750 ml bottle of Red, White or Rose Wine with a ABV of 13.5% has 10 units.
At the moment you are drinking 20 units a night which is 100 units a week if you drinking every night after work. Your limit should be 21 units a week max.
At this stage you need to stop buying a bottle of wine each night. I would look at doing some thing a few nights a week - what about an evening class or getting involved with some charity or doing some voluntary work.
I know someone who does voluntary work with there local hospital. They visit sick people who would not have visitors.

aidan24326

I would say you're not an 'alcoholic' in the true sense of that word, but the fact that you're posting on boards about this at all should be an alarm bell that maybe you need to cut down and stop using drink as a crutch.

Lorna123

You are not an alcoholic but if you continue to drink a bottle of wine a night you will not do your body any favours, you will get more wrinkles and look older than your years in time, not to mention what you will do to your liver. It would be better to stop this habit before it becomes unstoppable. Decide that you can drink wine on Fri, Sat. and Sun. nights but not on weekdays. Have a cup of tea instead.

Ickle Magoo

You obviously think it's an issue OP, or you wouldn't be posting here - so for that reason alone I think you need to see if it's something you can knock on the head yourself or if you need help to do so...if it's the latter there are some useful contacts HERE.

From a health perspective it's widely agreed that women shouldn't really be drinking more than around 14 units a week - and there is around 9 units in a 12% bottle of wine so you can do the maths there re it being a problem for your long term health if you are having a bottle/bottle and a half/getting to two bottles a night...

Perhaps look at stopping buying the wine and finding something else to do in the evenings so you aren't drinking just out of boredom?

All the best

cherrypie

It is a problem and if you don't quit now it will get progress into something much worse.

I remember when my father used to always go for a few pints after work. Just 2-3 pints, nothing really excessive, nothing we thought was a problem or could turn to alcoholism. There were others in the same group actually that drank double what he did and they never became alcoholics. But he did. Now I've had a lot of time to think about things and I've come to realise that an alcohol problem is not measured by how much you drink or how often but why and the measure of reliance on it. My father used alcohol as a social crutch because even though everyone thought he was so outgoing and fun, he was really pretty shy and awkward. You are using it because you feel lonely.

I really wish he would have stopped back then or he wouldn't have died 3 years ago at 47 years of age from alcoholic liver disease and I wouldn't have had to hold his hand and watch it. It's not nice. If I were you, I'd quit now while you still can.

You might find me overly harsh or think I'm being dramatic or scaremongering you, which I suppose I am but I really can't get this message home to you enough. Drinking a bottle of wine everyday at home is definitely a problem, partly because it's just too much but mostly because you're doing it to fill a void of loneliness.

Pippy1976

Yes, it is a problem.

Just because you're not falling around the street with a bottle of whiskey in a brown paper bag, or waking up hungover or limiting (!) it to under two bottles of red does not mean you haven't got a problem.

Alcoholism comes in all guises - even the one you describe.

Merkin

I don't think you need to necessarily quit it permenantly but I do think you need to knock it on the head asap so you can look at your drinking habits in the cold sober light of day and use that time to reassess your situation and the amount you've been putting away. So many friends of mine in their 30s have found themselves single and drinking more than they should, it's a common enough phenomenon I think, but there does come a time when you have to face up to the harm it may be doing or if you find yourself wanting more and more.

My advice would be that we're in mid October now - it would be a good opportunity to quit it until 1st of December. I think only telling yourself you will drink on Friday and Saturday is admirable but I'm not sure it will work as you might then be inclined to sink two bottles each night as a "reward". What you actually need to do for now is break the habit. Buying this bottle of wine a night on the way home is a habit for you and it takes 28 days to break a habit. This has been an evolving cycle starting with a glass here and a glass there so you literally need to retrain yourself and you can only do that by cutting it out for a while.

Then when you start drinking again you can slowly reintroduce it. Tell yourself you will only drink when out with the girls. (This in turn will be a good chance to get you out and about rather than sitting at home). Or alternatively tell yourself that you will only have wine on a Friday and Saturday night and try and have a friend round one of the nights so there is a social aspect to it rather than hitting the bottle by yourself.

I think you show great self-awareness. You're at a crucial stage now and the decision is in your hands. You continue on as you are, with your problem getting progressively worse and you end up in AA. Or you cut it out for now and retrain yourself to think differently about it. It is easily done if you put your mind to it.

DaisyD2

drinking alone wrote: »

yea, i do think its loneliness and boredom that sees me in this situation.

- Blaming lonliness/boredom is a cop out.

its just sitting there alone after these things i do fancy a glass of red!

- If this is your "reasoning" than yes its a problem

i dont know what i should do, AA is a bit much i think, as im not an alcoholic, but i really dont wnat to go down that road either.

it runs in the family - really wish I could bold this but can't from phone. - HUGE RED FLAG

OP Congrats, you've recognised there is a problem. If you "can't stop" yourself from stopping off & buying a bottle on way home (& as others have said won't be long in these long dark nights before your well finished 2nd & start going for 3rd), then I'm afraid you are a Functioning Alcoholic.

Just because you can get up & get to work everyday doesn't mean there isn't a problem. The fact you can't control not buying & drinking those 1/2/3 bottles a night means there is most definitely is a problem.

Another red flag is fact you don't feel this need when out in company - are you ashamed to let friends/family know how often & how much you drink when alone?

Good news is your starting to see a problem before your body starts making one for you (wouldn't be long drinking 5 times the recommended number of units per week).

Wouldn't be into AA philosophy myself & I don't think cramming activities is going to sort out why your doing it either but if you can't make a concious decision that on way home your not going to buy that bottle then I would seek the professional help of your doctor or counsellor. You can break this habit because at the moment thats all it is, best of luck