Feel Like I'm Cracking Up

Motley Crue

I've recently come out of a long term relationship, engaged to be married, I'd been with her for 7 years and known her for 10. She was my whole life, my best friend, we lived together and shared our life with each other. Within a few weeks years of work had been eradicated and the relationship broke down to the point that I had moved out and began living in a new place.

My life has changed massively since I met her and I moved country three times as a result of my relationship. I live abroad now because I still had a good job and wanted to salvage something when the relationship broke down, so I continued to live in the same area, and I'm trying to continue with my life.

The thing is that weekends are so quiet without her, life is desperately quiet without her, making me find it hard to move on in this immediate aftermath. I have some friends but feel as if I'm a burden on their time, they have their own lives, it's not as if I'm a teenager anymore - this was more or less my marriage and my life planned out.

I don't know about meeting new people, new women, going new places or doing stuff like that....I've not got a lot of money and it's going to take time to save and build up something I can go out on. The house I've moved into is a student accommodation, they're not 1st or 2nd year students, but come the weekend it's pretty much deserted...they have grants and bursaries which mean they're never here. I don't know if I even want them all here, with me bringing people down anyway it can't be nice, but it would be nice to have some life...as opposed to an empty drafty house without a sound.

I wonder whether I need tablets, to help cope with the loneliness I feel, whether it's worth speaking to a professional. I understand that I need to move on with my life, reconciliation (mainly due to the way she treated me towards the end, the cheating and the lies hurt me so much....) is impossible. I need to move on alone, but at the moment, I'm not sure I have the strength.

I guess I'm writing here because I'm wondering if I should go looking on Internet dating sites, should I try and meet new people...is it too soon...I think I'm just lonely...I know I'm lonely...I just miss my other half, it's like a death...

inexperienced

Hiya, I understand your feelings but you are not the one who feels lonely and empty. I hope things will go right with you. It's not easy but time will really heal. Get the support from people. I am living on my own and recently going through a breakup as well. Sometimes I try not to go home too early as I know I would just lie in bed and cry. I understand the loneliness. All the best.

Merkin

You poor sausage, you sound bereft I'd forget about dating sites and women for the time being as you need to concentrate on improving your own life, your confidence and social network as well.Do you play or have you played any team sports? Joining a tag rugby team for example would get you exercising (great for the mental health), will cost feck all and would be a wonderful way of meeting new people and spreading your wings a little.Getting over a break up is hard but it's also a great opportunity to reinvent yourself and start afresh.

Lorna123

Breaking up with someone has to be the worst pain out there. You are suffering withdrawal symptoms from this relationsion, but this feeling will not last forever, nor will it go away over night. It is very hard to have to start a new social life but the best way is to join as many social activities as you can. It is the only way. I would join the dating agencies too right now because it will give you something to focus on, other than missing your ex. It all helps. Don't worry you will come out of this but you have to get your social life rolling first. It takes time so don't feel alone, post here any time you feel the need to discuss anything. Best of Luck.

daisybelle2008

Motley Crue wrote: »

She was my whole life

I wonder whether I need tablets, to help cope with the loneliness I feel, whether it's worth speaking to a professional

Hi, OP, making someone else 'your whole life' is never a good idea. It makes you highly dependent and needy and also puts a burden on the other person that can suffocate a relationship and make them earn freedom.

You ask whether you should join dating agencies. I would be careful of that, you are very vulnerable and raw, you might not be in the best position to judge what is healthy or not while you are desperately trying to fill the gap left by your relationship.
It is a bit of a cliche but you could do well to avoid relationships as a means to feel better about yourself. Maybe some counselling would help. But do try to find activities and outlets to keep busy and feel better. Use some time to get to know yourself outside of what sounds like a very dependent and ultimately one-sided relationship. You don't want to end up in the same position or doing what your ex did because you move to fast and for the wrong reasons.

Have a little space for yourself of and learn to like your own company, be happy regardless of your relationship status. Don't look for some one to patch up your self esteem. Do that for yourself. When you stop looking for a relationship is when a decent one will happen.

spankysue

OP, I really feel for you but you have to remember that you had a life before her and you'll have a life after her. It doesn't sound like she treated you so well anyway (Lies, cheating etc), enjoy your own company for a while, then in time you will move on and find someone who treats you right and she'll be a distant memory to you. Chin up, you will survive this

Colonel Panic

I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago and I know the feeling. My relationship didn't go on for as long as yours but we lived together for a few years and going to living alone was a massive change.

I agree with advice about not not rushing into dating. I got together with someone shortly afterwards and just wasn't ready and I ended up messing myself up and hurting the girl.

The friend thing is worse. Like you, I have friends but they're all off doing their own thing. There's only so many times you can call them to do something and get told no.

It does get easier though. I don't think you need to go right to getting on medication, but you might benefit from talking to someone be it a friend/family member or someone in a professional capacity.

Revand

You need to give yourself time to feel the pain etc and work through it. Tablets are not a realistic approach.. if that was the case everyone would be taking tablets to avoid pain.. patience is what you need.. its sounds quite recent.

Enjoy your new freedom, discover who you are what you want.. would you really like to be back with someone who has no respect for you?

ask yourself some home truths was this person good for you? what are you really missing?

get out and get busy a hobby, meet new people, read more visit family

theres a whole lot of things to do.. just dont wallow.. get out and live

Flutterby80

Hi, sorry to hear your feeling so bad, I know a bit of what your going through as I split up with someone I loved and still love very much recently and it really is like a death only worse because they are still there, they just don't want to be with you anymore (in my case I don't even know the reason why which is the hardest thing for me) I avoid going home for as long as possible every day too, the house is too full of memories and I get upset thinking about all the happy times. You just have to believe that you are going to feel better again, go for counselling talk to the doctor if you think you really need to but don't attempt to fill the void with anyone else just yet, it wouldn't be fair on you or them. I really hope that you start to feel better soon I wont lie and say it will be this week or next week but I'm still alive...just!, take care.

ariescutie30

Flutterby80 wrote: »

Hi, sorry to hear your feeling so bad, I know a bit of what your going through as I split up with someone I loved and still love very much recently and it really is like a death only worse because they are still there, they just don't want to be with you anymore (in my case I don't even know the reason why which is the hardest thing for me) I avoid going home for as long as possible every day too, the house is too full of memories and I get upset thinking about all the happy times. You just have to believe that you are going to feel better again, go for counselling talk to the doctor if you think you really need to but don't attempt to fill the void with anyone else just yet, it wouldn't be fair on you or them. I really hope that you start to feel better soon I wont lie and say it will be this week or next week but I'm still alive...just!, take care.

Been there and it's worse than death...nothing helps until it starts feeling better..im sorry this happened to you..i hope you feel better soon