Young and depressed

LegacyUser

Hello, Im hoping that somebody mught give me advice on this problem.

Im male 23 and for the past year or 2 things have been slowly going downhill for me and its coming to a point where I cant take much more of it really. Although nothing really terrible has happened to me like losing a loved one, a bereavement or even a sickness, its just that little things over the past few years have gone against me that have left me alone and lonely in life with little or no friends to do things with such as go out at weekends, go to the cinema or just general things that might make life a little more fun.

I suppose it started when I finished college, and I found myself back home for a year. I didnt have many friends in college but I was happy with the few that I had and we got on ok. But after finishing college we all drifted. After many unsuccessful attempts to make contact and to meet up I gave up, left distraught. I thought we would at least meet up once in a while. I do get a phone call once in a while from them but Ive given up on them now and they dont seem to want to meet up at all.

At home wasnt easy, I was completely isolated as anybody I knew had moved on and I was left day in day out at nothing basically. Finally I got the big break I needed (well as I thought at the time) when I got a job after a year away from home. I thought this was the chance, Ill meet people here and get going again. What has happened tho was I met nobody, everyone seems to be very content in there own groups and are a lot older than me which does not help, with there own families. I find myself coming home every weekennd for what feels like torture and depression.

In the past few months things have taken a definite turn for the worse which has left me in an almost unbearable situation. Where I stay during the week although it wasnt great turned into an awful experience for me mainly as the worst thing that could happen happened when even though the other rooms were been rented out the rooms were not occupied as my (so called) housemates went about there lives and I was left alone in the house almost all the time.

In an act of desperation I turned to my brother for help, (who incidently I never really got on with as he tends to be domineering and controlling and to an extent bullish). We went out a few times, even tho he was quiet awkward with me tbh. and we were saying we should do this more often etc as he didnt get out much either. What happens is he gets friends and leaves me out completely. It felt like I got done again.

Now as I am writing this I am getting fearful of my own health. Depression is and has been setting in for some time and there just dosent seem to be anything I can do to stop it. Everyday I feel this fear about my own future where is it going. Sometimes it swings up and I have a good day but the majority of the time Im below what you might call a happiness or contented threshold. It makes me feel uneasy and I notice it in work in particular where I am distracted easily and I just have general feeling of malaise. Trying to get to know new people on your own is not an easy task which i have been trying to what so far has been a failure as well.

Does anybody have any advice on what I can do even if it is to stop this depression from taking over me and ruining my life. Another weekend is upon me and I hate the thoughts of it.

Ickle Magoo

Hey there.

Have you been to your GP? They should be your first port of call if you are feeling depressed.

As for meeting people/new friends there are plenty of ways to do that. If you do sports or have a particular interest there may be a group close to you - check the internet/shop notice-boards/local classifieds/etc to see what's on and just head along. There are many interest forums on Boards that have beers/meets which you can head along to as well.

Meeting friends is really just a case of getting yourself out and about enough until you find people you click with...that might be hard to do if you are feeling very depressed tho so I think a trip to the Doc's for medical advice re your moods is your first move.

All the very best.

LegacyUser

Whilst I agree it's important to keep open the lines of communication with your GP, I wouldn't necessarily agree there's an immediate need for medication.
You sound extremely isolated, OP. And when you spend too much time on your own with your own thoughts, it's easy to slide into a depressed mood.
Have you any interests or hobbies? Would you consider joining a club? Tag rugby is super-sociable& everyone there is there to meet people. There's also meetup.ie, where again, you can meet people in a similar situation, equally keen to make new friends.
I would consider "opening up" a bit to your brother too...he probably just thought your meetings were just you clocking in time with him, as opposed to a deep-seated lonliness. If he has a tendancy to be domineering and controlling, this could well be to your advantage- he'd probably be a great ally for you in taking charge of the situation. You need support right now.
You'd be surprised how many people are in the same situation- you're by no means a failure. I always view these Polyanna (super duper happy 24/7) times with suspicion!

Lorna123

It is so easy to find yourself in a place like you are at the moment. You got a job, so well done, that shows me that you have some get up and go and can handle things. Unfortunately, it is not easy to make friends and the more you try the harder is seems to be. Maybe take up a hobby that you are really interested in and the friends will follow after that. You are only starting out and we often have to endure a bad time before things get better. I think you have a lot going for you so don't give up. A lot of people drift apart after school and college so that is not something that just happened to you. My advice would be to join as many clubs as you can, that is the secret to meeting people and having a social life. Best of Luck.

yermandan

Going to your GP does not necessarily mean that you will be put on meds. It is absolutely the first port of call in this situation. He/she should be well versed in dealing with this situation and there are many solutions other than medication.

Also OP, have you considered a Boards Beers? They are absolutely class and a great way to meet and get to know people.

Best of luck

RossFixxxed

Just want to emphasise what the others said: Go to the GP. Let them rule out any hormone/thyroid/liver/kidney etc issues first. Then let them follow up with suggestions to help with how you are feeling. There are MANY treatments out there, not just pills. Discuss what you think would be a good way to start moving forward and let the GP have their input and offer solutions. Once you find one mutually agreeable follow it up and commit to it. You'll be amazed the difference it can make. Best of luck OP.

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your advice,

I have been making attempts to make new friends. I joined a group in the past month or so but I dont know if it is really working out either. Those that are already members have their own friends and tend to stick with them. Im finding it hard to break in to the group especially on my own. I do intend on persisting with it for now but how much time do I need to give it? I dont go to every meeting or function but its all I have for now.

The group is also located at home but Im beginning to think that maybe it was a mistake to join at home and not where I work. I dont like the idea of staying weekends at where I work as the house will be empty and I just couldnt put up with being more isolated than I already am.

Some have mentioned seeing my GP about this problem which may not be a bad idea although I dont think that medication is an answer to my problem. I dont know much about anti depressants but it may improve my mood but not the main problem?? One thing I have noticed in the past while is that I hate being by myself at anytime now. I do feel this horrible sinking feeling inside, my head begins to go into a fuzz and I tend to get a bit scattered so that I find it hard to do things especially if i left in the house at work on my own. It goes when I know there is somebody going in the house and when I start to talk to people. For instance in work at break time things do improve for me but I cant really have a social life with them as they are all much older than me with families etc. were all at different stages of our life really. I dont know if there is medication to improve my sociability. Id also find it difficult to walk into a pub by myself which I thought of doing but still havent.

I was never really the sporty type either and I feel that I have a little crisis about hobbies and that. I dont really know what I am interested in or what to do about it. I dont think I would join a team or anything. It seems that if your not into sports there is very little for you to do but if I were to join I dont know what to expect from it really.

RossFixxxed

A GP will not necessarily give you medication and you can always say to the GP you don't want to start on that route. However, they are professionals and you should stay open minded on this issue. If something is wrong, and if a professional diagnoses you with an illness then you need to remedy it and follow their advice.

We can offer support and some guidance here, but nothing will compare to a qualified, decent doctor.

Lorna123

Join meet.ie on line and they have a variety of clubs you could join to meet new people. Just push yourself even if you have to join something you have never done before, just do it in order to meet people.

Humria

I'd suggest trying to keep yourself busy during the week. I think you should join groups and clubs but the aim shouldn't necessarily to make friends. You may or may not meet them but you'll be happier if you are out meeting people and engaging in an enjoyable activity. If you make friends that's fantastic, but venturing into various clubs, groups or societies shouldn't be deemed a failure if you don't. I know you don't like sport but how about a drama group, learning a new language or martial arts? There are options out there if you really want to find them

Exercise is also a great mood enhancer (some studies have found that regular moderate exercise is as effective as anti-depressants in combating low mood - this is not medical advice and I'm not advocating anything except the usefulness of exercise). I've never been a sporty person and I can't afford the gym but I did the couch to 5k and I found it fantastic. Not only was I getting exercise but there was a great sense of achievement in seeing yourself progressing. It's tough to get yourself outside after work on a winters night but it's worth it!

Sometimes when you are feeling down the behaviour has to come before your mooed changes. Set yourself small, achievable tasks e.g. I'll get my shopping for the week tonight or I'll tidy my room. Feeling like you achieved something will help.

Personally, I think the practice of mindfulness is great. Mindfulness originated in Buddhist practice was adapted for use in stress reduction by an American doctor in the 1970's. There is a heap of research supporting the use of mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) in a variety of mental health issues. So it might be worth seeing if there is a mindfulness course being conducted in you area? It may not be your thing but researching it a little may be worth the effort

Finally, just realise that you are going through a hard time but that doesn't mean it will last forever. Take it day by day and week by week. Organise activities and events for the upcoming week and try not worry about the next one until it approaches.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, I suppose you can say that Im back to square one again. After a tough week at work, the weekend is here and I have no way of getting out. Nobody to ring, text for a meet up to do anything or nobody to ring me even just to ask. I hate it. Its an absolutely horrible place to be in at the moment. Its on nights like tonight that it really hits home the situation that I find myself in and it just does not feel good. Im sitting in my room all evening and all I can hear is my brother getting ready to go out. It is almost torturous for me now. Just wishing that he will go.

The group I am a member of are having a meeting tomorrow and are organising a mini soccer tournament tomorrow. Of course me being not a avid soccer fan am not keen on attending. Its so frustrating. I HATE MY LIFE.

Big Bag of Chips

You don't need to be "an avid soccer fan" to go and have fun at a mini soccer tournament. I'm guessing quite a few of the group aren't big soccer fans, but they are going along for the laugh.

OP - I don't want to be harsh, but you need to put yourself out there. Nobody is going to come and take your hand and bring you along. Of course being the new person into a group is going to be a little bit awkward. You're new, they're not. They know each other already. But stick with it, and soon you won't be "the new guy" anymore.

But you have to make the effort. You may feel awkward or like an outsider, but the only way to stop yourself being an outsider is to stick with something long enough to make yourself part of the group.

Taltos

OP - you have been given some excellent advice here, not all of which I think you have taken on board.

1. Speak to your GP immediately. If you are depressed as you believe then you should prioritise this above all else.
2. Get out there - join other groups if this one is not working for you. There are some suggestions above about social groups as well. Just one group is unlikely to suddenly change your life.
3. Make the effort - this has to be continual, no-one knows you are waiting to go out - get out, mix, talk to some people see what happens. Yes you will get knockbacks, yes some nights you will feel crap but you have to keep trying.
4. Be patient - a life change takes time - time and hard work - it can be exhausting - ref GP visit...

Mod note: In light of the advice and your last post I am going to proceed to close this thread as I fear a few things. Firstly we are starting to retread old ground/advice here. Secondly the advice you are listening to is selective, please see your GP, they may/not issue meds but they are the professionals and are more qualified than you or anyone else here to know what is best for you. Final thought - please consider an online blog, if you find venting your emotions / feelings helpful then a blog is more applicable than this advice forum.