Lost it

LegacyUser

hi all, this is more than a whinge about ageing... I can deal with the ageing process fine myself, its the stares from other people i cant handle.. im 31, female. In my early 20s i was very pretty etc. but for whatever reason, maybe not too healthy lifestyle coupled with having a baby and very little sleep lately.. my looks have gone to the other extreme where i feel others are repulsed by me... I constantly look tired, bags under eyes, blotchy paper-like skin .. i actually look like someone who is stoned 24/7, even tho i dont touch any of that stuff at all!
i dont think about it so much when im at home with my partner or with any friends that ive known for years but put me in the presence of someone i havent seen in ages and i will run the other direction to avoid meeting them.. its gone to the point where i will not make eye contact with people, have stopped going out in my local as im afraid that people will be making comments about how horrible i look and how much iv changed.
Iv just got a new job starting this week and tomorrow im being moved to the main office to meet people and im literally completely terrified by the thoughts of it.
Even while on break in the canteen today i sat with my back to everyone and kept my head down as 2 girls i was talking to on different occasions literally stared me up and down while talking, one of them even made a face.
Anyway, I hate feeling like this, i was happy-go-lucky, easygoing up to about 5 years ago but im slowly turning into a nervous wreck... anyone else been through this and how do i go about changing???
also i apologise if my post seems petty i know there are some on here with greater problems but any advice appreciated ... i am miserable

Lorna123

You are thinking way too much about your appearance to the extent that you are giving out the wrong signals, e.g. alienating yourself in the canteen makes it look like you don't want to be friendly to anyone, so in turn nobody wants to be friendly to you. None of us are oil paintings but all that is required is that we make the most of ourselves. We are stuck with the face we were born with but we can wear the right make up and a nice hairstyle and suitable clothes for the environment we are in and thats all we can do. Of course if we eat healthily we will also give ourselves a better chance too. You are only 31, way too young to think you are not ageing well. You have up to at least 50 to look terrific and that's not saying that people over 50 don't look great either. We all put on a few lbs as we age but that is all part of ageing and nobody is immune to this. Nobody remains young looking all their lives. Look around you, who looks the same at 31 as they did at 21? I know a few people who would not be considered good looking who make the most of themselves and it is lovely to see. It's not about looks but how you present yourself and you seem to be going in on yourself and so not presenting yourself as well as you could. Work on that and you will notice a huge difference. Also, a check up to your GP might be in order just in case you are suffereing from post natal depression. Best of Luck.

kjl

OP, you are 31, not 81. The way you describe yourself you sound like you have given up hope on ever being pretty again.

Start eating healthy, eat loads of fruit and veg and eliminate sugar, refined carbs and saturated fat from your diet. Drink plenty of water.

You can't have coffee any more and I would only stick to green tea. I would also strongly recommend you give up alcohol and smoking.

Lastly you need to exercise, do some light muscle training of all the key muscle groups and do at least 30 min of cardio exercise everyday.

I won't lie, it is a little tricky at first, but it's a lifestyle change that is required. It would also be very good for your children to eat healthy and having them in the habit of doing that now.

Give it 6 months and you won't know yourself

She Devil

You haven't lost your looks, you've lost your confidence.

I only think I look good, if I feel like I look good. If you can make a little bit of an effort each morning by putting on mascara and your favourite clothes for work I bet it will boost your confidence more.
I was where you are now, believe me, and I have days like that but only when I am drained because I ate badly or am wearing clothes that make me feel frumpy.

pragmatic1

The opinions of others doesn't actually matter. Concentrate on yourself and those you love.

LegacyUser

Like the poster above said you can do small things to change like improve diet and exercise. You could also change your skin care regime, get products for sensitive skin, maybe some nice new work clothes. I was feeling down about how I was looking a few months back and started exercising, lifting some light weights, got some new makeup. My posture has improved, I feel stronger, have more energy, my skin is better and I feel naturally more confident regardless of what anyone around me thinks. If you don't like something change it. At the same time we have to accept the ageing process, there are some things that are immutable.