don't know what to do.

LegacyUser

Will try to keep this short, but its all a big mess. I honestly don't know what to do. I started out 2012 fairly happy, good friends, enjoying college and just getting on grand with things.

I'd been living with two girls in an apartment, and our course was coming to an end in may. A few weeks after christmas, me and one of the girls had a stupid falling out. We'd had our fights before, and living together was not the laugh a minute we thought it would be. She told me she was moving out because she couldn't afford the apartment. I was gutted, I felt I was losing one of my closest friends and of course felt like it was my fault, and that was when our friendship became a bit strained.
Anyway, the other girl I lived with wasn't exactly as close to the girl who moved out, and she told me what she did was horrible. The girl who moved out because she 'couldn't afford it' ended up moving to a more expensive apartment complex and signing up to do a J1 summer. A week into our second semester, we had a massive row on campus. I tried to remain reasonable, and explain to her I understood she was moving out but I wished she'd just said etc, but it all sorta blew up in my face. To make a long story longer, the 'circle' of girl pals we were both in, sorta saw me as the evil witch following this fight. And obviously, because she had ended up moving out, I had no way of showing them I wasn't. As the weeks went on we spoke less and less, until they all just stopped all together, and I honestly had never felt so hurt in all my life. I knew I was being stupid, that they 'weren't real friends' etc, but I still couldn't help feeling so lonely and confused.

The summer came and went, and I perked up a bit being away from college and them, but facebook was a no-go area to see them all hanging out without you. I even began to neglect my actual home friends because I felt so out of place. In august, I signed up to do the additional 2 more years add on course, and booked an apartment with the other girl i'd been living with from the start. I thought, going back to college I'd meet new people and have a good time, it was an option as jobs were few and far between. Only a few days into the course, I wanted nothing more than to run away / go home / leave the country. This overwhelming sadness sorta came back to me and I felt ill. I was contemplating deferring, but the thought of just putting off the inevitable was even more depressing.

I know this is all so ridiculous, but I feel like I'm so lost and just want to go somewhere new and start over. I'm normally a fairly positive person, but the events of this year have really knocked me over.

I'm just asking what you would do if you were me?

thefeatheredcat

eejit101 wrote: »

In august, I signed up to do the additional 2 more years add on course, and booked an apartment with the other girl i'd been living with from the start. I thought, going back to college I'd meet new people and have a good time, it was an option as jobs were few and far between. Only a few days into the course, I wanted nothing more than to run away / go home / leave the country. This overwhelming sadness sorta came back to me and I felt ill. I was contemplating deferring, but the thought of just putting off the inevitable was even more depressing.

I know this is all so ridiculous, but I feel like I'm so lost and just want to go somewhere new and start over. I'm normally a fairly positive person, but the events of this year have really knocked me over.

I'm just asking what you would do if you were me?

In your position I would confront the situation of what you felt straight on, grab the bull by the horns, if you like. It's your life and your education and sadly in life it is possible to meet people and experience things that will deter you from living life and doing what you want to do. Sometimes confronting what you feel is the best answer, so you know that it's only temporary where the memories come back from a negative situation and put yourself at ease and get into it and allow yourself to get over it and that there's nothing, if you like, to fear.

I would only advise against it if it is detriment to your mental health or physical health.

Have you someone you can talk to? Like a counsellor in the college?

In saying that don't let events get the better of you... let them instead make you a better you.

Lorna123

Can you talk to the girl you have been living with all along and sort of ask her what you should do. She would have an insight into how best to sort this out. You are only back a few weeks so don't give up yet. Maybe join as many of the social gatherings as you can. I am sure things will improve so hang on in there.

sasha2012

First of all, it's horrible thing falling out with friends and even more horrible when a gang of girls treat you like a cast out, so how your feeling isn't abnormal, its very hurtful.

What I would say is that I think that it was fair enough that she moved out in the first place, even the best of friends sometimes cant live with each other, its just a shame that you ended up fighting over it.

What I would do is give her a call, forget about the other girls in the circle of friends and focus on your friend that moved out. At the end of the day life is too short to fall out with people unless something seriously bad happened between the two of you, but it didnt, it was just a petty situation that got out of hand. I bet that she too would be relieved to just confront the situation and move on.

If for some reason she reacted badly and didnt want to talk then I would say, cliched as it is, you are better off without her. Any decent person would be happy to talk and sort it out so if she's not willing to do that then I would argue she isn't worth or nice, and you don't need that type of person in your life.

If you feel this would help you get over it all then do it. However if you want a change anyway then go for it....don't let it effect your happiness too much. Its not what knocks you down in life its the getting up that counts and that really shows strength of character. We all face these challenges but soon it will become less of an issue and eventually you'll look back and roll your eyes at the whole thing and not care.

Hope you get it sorted either way.

Roisy7

OP my heart goes out to you, it really does. I went through something not too dissimilar a while back, and in the end what had been a great college year ended in recriminations and anger. It's a real shame when something like that happens Basically, I was the one in the middle while two girls I lived with fell out massively. I tried to stay friends with both but in the end one decided she didn't want to be friends with me, which was extremely hurtful as I had tried to stay neutral.

The thing is the girl you fell out with sounds very like the one my friend fell out with, very immature. The problem is with the type of girl gangs that this one seems to be is that it is unacceptable to be openly confrontational. That is why she told you that she couldn't afford the apt instead of being honest and saying living together wasn't working and that's why they paint you as the bad guy for trying to confront her about her lies.

You don't know what she's told them OP and people, when they get into groups, are sheep.

I know it's incredibly hurtful and you feel like **** right now. But it will improve.

Please don't neglect your home friends, in my experience the people you've known longest are in your life for a reason. You might be feeling just a little burnt out from the drama? I felt like that for a while and just felt I couldn't be bothered engaging with people but that passed after a while.

Throw yourself into college. Have you still a good relationship with the other girl? I would advise you to throw yourself into any activities or clubs you would like to explore, there'll be plenty of nice people in college to talk to. It's still early days yet so you don't know what will happen by May this year.

I'd delete them off Facebook as well tbh, I don't see why there should be additional drama, after all, you and the main girl are no longer friends and you owe them nothing.

Good luck OP xx