What do do???

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this one and changing some names as well for obvious
enough reasons!

I'm not even sure what I want out of this but it'd be interesting to
get some people's viewpoints really.

I met a great couple a few years ago through a friend, Mark & Clare.
From the get go I thought Clare was attractive and really nice. For
various reasons after that I only ever got to meet up with them
intermittently when my friend was in town. Some of this was down to
us being acquiantances, and also Mark & Clare's locations relative to
each other. They only got to see each other at weekends.

Over the summer I got to spend a good few days with them and realised
I still had feelings and was quite a bit smitten but made a very
conscious decision to back off and not really keep in contact as what
I was feeling was my problem and something for me to deal with as they
were a long term couple.

Fast forward to yesterday when I got chatting to Clare over text and
she said that her and Mark had called it a day a month or two back.
I was quite surprised to say the least as I had really chalked Clare
down to one of those 'never gonna happen' scenarios.

Now, while we get along very well and chat away amongst ourselves on a
night out, I have no expectation of anything and it's actually
something I never thought about either. I have no indication there's
anything on her side really but things up til now were set in a
different context. We're due to meet up for a drink soon enough
though but I'm not reading anything into that really.

As I said, I don't really know what to ask on this. Are there any
do's and don'ts here people? What's the best thing to do in this
case? LOL, I don't know really. What's your opinion and are there
pitfalls I should be on the lookout for?

Penny Dreadful

Woodcombe wrote: »

Going unreg for this one and changing some names as well for obvious
enough reasons!

I'm not even sure what I want out of this but it'd be interesting to
get some people's viewpoints really.

I met a great couple a few years ago through a friend, Mark & Clare.
From the get go I thought Clare was attractive and really nice. For
various reasons after that I only ever got to meet up with them
intermittently when my friend was in town. Some of this was down to
us being acquiantances, and also Mark & Clare's locations relative to
each other. They only got to see each other at weekends.

Over the summer I got to spend a good few days with them and realised
I still had feelings and was quite a bit smitten but made a very
conscious decision to back off and not really keep in contact as what
I was feeling was my problem and something for me to deal with as they
were a long term couple.

Fast forward to yesterday when I got chatting to Clare over text and
she said that her and Mark had called it a day a month or two back.
I was quite surprised to say the least as I had really chalked Clare
down to one of those 'never gonna happen' scenarios.

Now, while we get along very well and chat away amongst ourselves on a
night out, I have no expectation of anything and it's actually
something I never thought about either. I have no indication there's
anything on her side really but things up til now were set in a
different context. We're due to meet up for a drink soon enough
though but I'm not reading anything into that really.

As I said, I don't really know what to ask on this. Are there any
do's and don'ts here people? What's the best thing to do in this
case? LOL, I don't know really. What's your opinion and are there
pitfalls I should be on the lookout for?

In my simple world I'd just say meet her for the drink, see if you have fun and enjoy her company. If you do and have shared interests such as running, sailing, going to the theatre, whatever, ask her if she'd like to go to X with you soon.
If she does then great and if not then you know where you stand.
She is single, you're single I don't see what pit falls there could possibly be

An Bhanríon

I agree totally with what Penny Dreadful has to say.

Just remember, though, that depending on how things finished this lady may not be ready to start a new full blown relationship yet. Don't be too full on. But don't let it stop you and her having a nice time together either! You may need to be patient, that's all.

P. Breathnach

I agree with An Bhanríon, and would add another caveat. Up to now, you have known Clare as half of a couple, and she has known you in the context of her being in a relationship with Mark. That you lead you down a path that takes you away from the possibility of developing a relationship with her.

If, without being unkind to her, you can steer all conversation away from her time with Mark and the breakup with him, it might help set your friendship in a new context.

Give her time, and for both of your sakes be aware of the possibility of a rebound.

kjl

Hmmm, be careful OP, this might be a meet me and let me tell you all my problems kind of date.

I think this girl is just out of this relationship and she may be looking for perspective from someone who knew both of the people in the relationships.

A girl doesn't break up with someone and then just jump into another relationship and the current relationship you have described with this girl is friendship. You haven't described here any indication that she in interested in you romantically.

By all means meet up, have your drink. But unless I am sure I am on a date with someone, I wouldn't be trying anything on.

I actually have been in a similar situation myself, girl was with he ex for years, they broke up and we got chatting. We met up and went out similar to yourself but it turned out that she needed a friend more than a hook up. I did end up scoring the girl, but it wasn't for another year.

I could be wrong about this and she really does like you, but my warning is she probably doesn't.

LegacyUser

Lots of good advice and thanks! Yeah, my initial thought of 'go along, see what happens' still seems good! Moving things on to a different context besides the ex is a good idea and I hadn't thought of that. I guess I'm quite happy to get to know her as single for now. The reason I got to second guessing was the rebound possibility. I'm fairly cautious. I don't want to take advantage of anybody or equally don't want to be a fool either. The perspective was great! Many thanks again!