Anyone survive rubbish twenties?

LegacyUser

Erm, I just want to see if anyone has had terrible 20's but found meaning and happiness later?

I've just turned 29 and to be perfectly honest my twenties have been ****, complete ****. My childhood was great and after bumpy early teens (broken home and all that nonsense) my late teens were fantastic I found friends easily and had an absolute blast.
Problem is since reaching the most people are having a proper great time and become financially stable, traveling, dating left right and center I've been having a rubbish time lol.

A few things happened before turning 20, broken heart (strange I never got over that), sick friend heading skyward affected me but mostly I think as I grew older I seen just how strange my family relations were and the immense pressure put on me by family, friends and myself to do well blew my head at 18/19 leading to whats probably best described as a complete and utter breakdown/shutdown I recovered from this pretty quickly but have never felt a love for life since or as confident or at peace with myself (that sounds worse than it is but it affected my attempts at college greatly)

I don't want to go into too much detail because it would run for pages. seriously. Pretty much my life since 19 is like a coming of age movie paused at the 10mins mark. I still have no idea what I want to be, do, go, who to do it with.
I have wrote and deleted a good 9 paragraphs already, there is just far too much crap that has passed under the bridge to even begin so instead I'll just ask again:

Has anyone had absolute headwrecking twenties, completely lost but then found happiness and meaning in their thirties?

dudara

I think that the twenties can be turbulent - it's a time when you are truly growing into adulthood, responsibility and all that lark. It's probably also the time when you will have your heart-broken for the first time. You are old enough for really adult bad things to happen to you.

But turning 30 is not a magical solution. The only way for things to get better is for you to take ownership of your life and put yourself on a more positive path. Learn from the experiences. Otherwise, you will be an annoyed 30-something.

RossFixxxed

Yeah I'm 31 now and my 20s were a bit of a rollercoaster. A bad one mostly. However, when I was 30 I finally went for help around a bunch of issues, and THAT is what made all the difference. Start to turn things around now. There are some really fantastic psychologists, GPs and councellors out there, it's a matter of getting on to them and actually making the move to change.

Don't let it flow on to your 30s, it will. You wake up at 30 and feel no different, just older. Going to make a change makes all the difference.

Equality

Here's a thought.

Decide what you want from life (within reason) and figure out how to achieve that. There is no point in deciding you want to be a millionaire, or to qualify as a doctor, as both aims are probably not reasonable.

But - do you want a job / kids and a partner / kids and no partner / a house of your own / a house and kids...?

You get the picture - these are all achievable, in one way or another. The past is over, look at the future and ask what you want and how you might get what you want.

A lot of people have a difficult time as they are teenagers/twenties and even thirties. By the time you are fourty, things are generally nicer, because you have made a lot of these choices, and have a better life.

LegacyUser

I felt I had to reply to this because I can relate. I'm in my 30s now and I can say hand on heart that it has been the best decade of my life. I don't have an awful lot to report back on from my 20s really because I drifted through most of that decade without a lot to show for it. Heck, I didn't even leave home properly til I was 25, didn't get a decent job til after that and didn't lose my virginity til 28. Nor did I go for holidays til that time either. Now I'm much more settled and have my own place, a reasonable job, more self-confidence etc. And looking back, I'm glad I "wasted" some of my twenties, was inept with my money and couldn't afford to buy an overpriced house!

You probably feel really ancient just now but don't be. You are still young and there is still LOADS you can do to make changes in your life. Stop comparing yourself to other people and decide for yourself what you'd like for yourself. You can still have the things you want if you want them. The first important step is that you have to learn to like yourself and truly believe that you're great.

LegacyUser

Not everyone has a great 20's.
I know some people that I would have looked at who were around my age when I was in my 20's and I wanted what they had - good job, husband, the car, the house ect.
Over the past few years I discovered that every thing was not as wonderful as it seemed to me then. One of my friends spent years and thousands of euros to have a baby.
I have another friend who worked and studied hard in her 20's. She now hates her job
and is always moaning about her life but it unwilling to make any changes to improve it.
Mean while I have another friend who is in her early 40's who has life has not gone always according to plan. She told me every thing happens for a reason and some time we don't see the reason why until later. A few month ago my friend got a rejection letter from a job interview and was unhappy with this. Since then she joined a slimming club, walks 3 to 4 miles a day and has lost 4 stone after years of being very overweight.

At this stage you need to decide what you want from your life and see what you need to do get there. A lot of people can and do make changes in there lives in there 30's.
You can travel, change jobs and widen your circle of friends if you put your mind to it.
At 30 your life won't suddenly change. If you wish to change things and put in the effort you can make your life better. Also you can look back on your 20's as a time you learned a lot about yourself which will stand to you in your 30's.

LegacyUser

minstrells wrote: »

Stop comparing yourself to other people and decide for yourself what you'd like for yourself. You can still have the things you want if you want them. The first important step is that you have to learn to like yourself and truly believe that you're great.

this is great advice for anything, really.

kob29

20s definitely overrated and very easy to glamourise. My biggest regret as someone in my mid 30s is that I didnt travel more in my 20s when there might have been people to go with. But I did devote those years to my career and education and am in a good position there now.

Things often happen for a reason. You're at the end of a decade and turning 30 does play with your mind, expect that. But keep it in perspective, you have no serious entrapments now like a lot of 20 and 30 somethings with mortgages and kids.

Think too, would you want to be 23 these days and trying to start a career or facing certain emigration? Pros and cons all the time. See your past as an opportunity to learn lessons to take forward.