Any advice on how to chat to a friend who is down

LegacyUser

Just looking for some tips on how to not be a total idiot when a good friend opens up to you about their problems. They say what's getting them down and the problems are certainly not something I can solve with a few sentences, but I'd like to just be able to be of some use.

At the moment I just don't really know what to say and usually regret what I say after, that it might come across as me trivialising the problems. I listen to them and try offer what advice I can but I know myself I'm not handling it as well as I could.

Said friend has had periods of ups and downs over the last while and has sought professional help before so they're good at dealing with things and being open with people which is something I don't want to change. I can say I'm there for them all I want, but if I'm not being much use when I am there I'm afraid they won't keep opening up to me.

Any simple and short tips?

Thanks

Colonel Panic

You sound like a great friend. Listening is usually enough. Tell them that.

angeline

Well, as above poster said, just by listening to them and being there is very helpful. You don't need to be an expert, just a friend who cares as you obviously do, stay in touch with the person, meet up with them, etc.

Roisy7

Listening is more than enough. Trust me, I imagine that this person knows you're there for them if they need to talk and that is all any of us want, to know that there is someone on the other end of the phone.

Don't constantly badger them to talk, just let them know you're there.

I know that sometimes you don't know what to say, and that's ok too. Listening is the most important thing.

looksee

Agree with the above, but also remember that them not opening up to you might simply be them trying to rise above the issues and just have a 'normal' conversation.

pragmatic1

Big ups OP you sound like a good friend. Just listen and be there for them.

Big Bag of Chips

If your friend is confiding in you that means that they know you very well.

You don't have to have all the answers. You don't even have to have any of the answers. You just need to be available. They know you and are not expecting anything from you other than friendship.

el10

Like the others said, sounds like you are doing a good job, or else the person wouldn't continue to confide.

Similarly I think listening is the key, not judging, not telling them what to do.

But being honest too, and giving your opinion is ok too, but let them get the main stuff off their chest first...as they won't be able to take on board solutions/opinions without feeling you have really listened and understood the problem first.

I think it is ok to ask a few questions, as it shows the other person that you are really trying to understand the situation.

I think if they are looking for expert help, they can seek that out...so don't expect yourself to be an expert, and ask yourself what type of response would you like if you were confiding in a friend...

Also if you are too busy caught up on how you 'should' respond, it may stop you from being fully present for the person, so let go of that, and trust yourself...

Good job!