Feelings of being worthless

BoCharles

Hi guys, sorry if what I say makes absolutely no sense.

For a long time I have been feeling very low in myself. Like I have lost all confidence.

I have been unable to hold down a job for much more than 6 months in the last 5 years, always finding an "out" for myself. I was never really lazy, I always bust a gut in work but I was always in fear. And I don't know what I am afraid of.

Fear of everything, new things, being told off, not being able to do something, not being good enough, not earning enough money (which is ironic because I always leave anyway), not being able to hack the personal relationships like any normal person can.

I am constantly anxious, to the point the simplest of tasks take monumental effort. Every day seems like a struggle, and the only comfort I get is when I visit my immediate family at weekends where I can trully relax and even hide from everything to a certain extent.

I can be quite odd in my behaviour, fluctuating between being very ambitious and confident and earth shattering lows of finding it hard to deal with set backs and the easiest of tasks. I know in my heart I am not operating at 100% and I know its because of certain flaws in my personality.

I am extremely shy to the core, and always have so much running through my head. But people would have no idea, don't get me wrong im not the life and soul of the party, but certain aspects of me don't click like any normal person does.

I am always looking for an "out".

I don't want to wallow in self pity, but I really wish that I could function in every day life like a normal person does, and that it wouldn't be such a struggle all the time. Life is to be enjoyed but moments of true happiness are very few and far between for me.

Even the comfort I get at home with family is wearing thin as I know this is pathetic behaviour for someone nearing 30 years of age.

the work thing really worries me as I know that I have to kick whatever the hell is wrong with me. I worry every waking minute I am at work, is today the day I quit and take this massive weight off my shoulders. And its not even the job, its been the same with numerous jobs. The problem is with whatever defects I have as a person. I just don't know what to do, I'm like a broken record at this stage but I just wish I was normal and could learn to relax and flourish.

I have a good education, an amazing family and girlfriend, and it makes it worse because I have every reason to be happy. And it makes me feel even worse as there is no reason to feel the way I do, think I was just born to be odd

Overheal

I would honestly suggest seeking the advice of a licensed counselor and also bringing this up with your GP who may wish to refer you to a specialist. If you can't identify and rationalize your fear or anxiety, it may be clinical.