I think my Mother may have a drinking problem.

Brendog

Just wanted to post this to seek others advice on this situation.

Over the last 2 years I've noticed my mother has been drink more frequently. She used to drink on occasion or perhaps 2 glasses of wine at night at the weekend, but this has steadily increased to the level that its now every night of the week.

She is a real lightweight. 2 glasses and she's very chatty, 5 glasses and she's unsteady on her feet.

For the last 10 months its been really bothering me because when she drinks she becomes very condescending, ignorant and abusive. I used to just deal with it thinking, "Oh its just this one time". My two younger brothers have even talked to me about how annoying it is when she drinks. " She'll come in asking us what game we're playing and if we like it. After a few glasses she'll say we should do something more constructive. After a few more she starts giving out to us because we're wasting electricity and being useless arseholes".

Its not just them. My dad has even talked about how it affects him. He works long hours so he'll get home about 2 am. Hes told me how upset he gets when he has to come in from a hard days work and get into arguments with her because she is locked.

There have even been occasions where she has passed out on the stairs and once came home from a work night out with a bloodied face because she collapsed on the street.

I'm 21 and its just so difficult hearing from people that "This is the time of your life!". I'm never happy about anything. I can't bat an eyelid without being criticised for it.

I've even brought it up with her, having my brothers tell her what shes like and how upsetting and demoralising her insults are, how they go to bed early to avoid her transition.
It worked (for a while). She drank less and not on week days. Over the summer though she has steadily started again.


Any alcoholics information page says the person should be missing days of work, hiding drink, have a high tolerance etc. whereas my mother is the total opposite. She always goes to work, is very open about her drinking and has a low tolerance. I've seen her drink with others and she is very friendly and nice. Behind closed doors though she is abusive, condescending and arrogant.


Even as I'm typing this I can hear her stumbling downstairs.

I can't take it anymore.

girl2

Your mother is what is known as a functioning alcoholic - she is able to maintain her job etc. But she clearly has a problem. It might be an idea for you to seek some advice from Al-Anon in relation to a way forward for yourself and even find a way to have a discussion with her about her drinking and the impact it's having on your family.

Ickle Magoo

Hey Brendog,

It might be worth getting your Dad and brothers together and having some sort of crises meeting/discussion about how you feel, the damage it's doing/how bad things have got and what you can do about it - especially as your parents still have three children at home suffering the effects of having an alcoholic/abusive parent.

I'd also second getting in touch with al-anon/alateen for advice on alcoholism and amen is an advice/support group for male victims of domestic abuse. I think to make strides towards getting your mother the help she clearly needs, you need to sit your dad and spell out just how bad things are and then he needs to approach his wife to discuss the relevant issues and protect his children.

All the very best OP.

username123

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

Hey Brendog,

It might be worth getting your Dad and brothers together and having some sort of crises meeting/discussion about how you feel, the damage it's doing/how bad things have got and what you can do about it - especially as your parents still have three children at home suffering the effects of having an alcoholic/abusive parent.

I'd also second getting in touch with al-anon/alateen for advice on alcoholism and amen is an advice/support group for male victims of domestic abuse. I think to make strides towards getting your mother the help she clearly needs, you need to sit your dad and spell out just how bad things are and then he needs to approach his wife to discuss the relevant issues and protect his children.

All the very best OP.

I agree with all of the above. On the father approaching his wife - maybe phone up the Rutland Centre or AA or somewhere for advice on an intervention. Im not sure which is the best approach, an individual (your Dad) approaching your Mam, or the whole family approaching together. The problem with the first is that the person being approached often just engineers a row to get out of the situation but in the second approach can feel like they are being ganged up on.

We staged a number of interventions with my father (none ever have the impact of the first one) and he had a variety of coping mechanisms, his most successful was to become totally emphatic that we were right and he was so sorry and he really wanted to stop and please to help him. We'd all sigh in relief and then as we left the room he would be pulling a bottle out from behind the couch and swigging from it. So be aware it can be a total failure, but usually the positive thing to take from it is that you are outing the problem into the open and not pretending its not happening.

But get to Alanon/Alateen - most important for all of you.

Abi

Agree with Ickle, a family meeting is required.

Not to excuse her drinking, but are there any problems or stresses there? It's possible she got into the habit of using drink as a de-stressor. The transitition from a glass or two to relax to a few bottles a week can be so gradual that she mightn't have realised she was slipping into the habit. Drink is a monster if you're not very careful with how you use it.

Act sooner rather than later, and with the backing of your family.