disheartened dater

LegacyUser

Not sure what I'm doing wrong. Meet plenty of guys and swap numbers etc. and they always contact me most of the time. One guy I've been texting lately seems to just have lost interest all of a sudden for no apparent reason. Same guy told me he likes me and has made alot of effort to keep in contact and then radio silence. Am I just taking things up wrong that they like me? A guy that is interested in seeing you will keep in touch so that you don't go out and meet someone else? Finding the whole dating game very disheartening lately and don't know what I can do differently. I also make an effort with guys, I'm not saying that it's all up to them and I did text the guy I was seeing lately to keep up the contact and have received no reply at all. This is a common problem as I can see from other posters but I would like some advice on what I'm possibly doing wrong here. I have no problem meeting guys but it's hanging on to them that seems to be the problem.

Hardonraging

gettingfedup wrote: »

Not sure what I'm doing wrong. Meet plenty of guys and swap numbers etc. and they always contact me most of the time. One guy I've been texting lately seems to just have lost interest all of a sudden for no apparent reason. Same guy told me he likes me and has made alot of effort to keep in contact and then radio silence. Am I just taking things up wrong that they like me? A guy that is interested in seeing you will keep in touch so that you don't go out and meet someone else? Finding the whole dating game very disheartening lately and don't know what I can do differently. I also make an effort with guys, I'm not saying that it's all up to them and I did text the guy I was seeing lately to keep up the contact and have received no reply at all. This is a common problem as I can see from other posters but I would like some advice on what I'm possibly doing wrong here. I have no problem meeting guys but it's hanging on to them that seems to be the problem.

Unfortunately this is a difficult question to give an easy and direct answer to, we loose interest in women for a lot of reason's one being if the relationship goes nowhere, or if they find somebody else to chase, there's also a sex element that could be considered but given you havent mentioned sex i'm assuming it's not happening, but this also could be reason they loose interest !

Can you tell us the age bracket you're conversing with , that maybe a factor .. to a certain degree ..

LegacyUser

"Unfortunately this is a difficult question to give an easy and direct answer to, we loose interest in women for a lot of reason's one being if the relationship goes nowhere, or if they find somebody else to chase, there's also a sex element that could be considered but given you havent mentioned sex i'm assuming it's not happening, but this also could be reason they loose interest !

Can you tell us the age bracket you're conversing with , that maybe a factor .. to a certain degree .."

I'm 30 and he is 27, maybe that is a factor and one I hadn't thought about.

For example one guy a few months ago, met up, slept together, met up again, slept together again and a third time and then all of a sudden nothing. This went on over the space of a couple of months. Maybe it's that it's going nowhere fast.

John Mason

Its text message, they irratate and bored people to death.

be proactive, use your mobile to the purpose it was intended. Call make dates, arrange to see them.

this continoues texting turns people off. I am from a time in life where very few houses had telephones nevermind mobiles. This keeping in touch 24/7 with someone you bearly know is not good.

Ditch the phone

Merkin

It's quite obvious from the couple of examples you have given.

You say you've been texting a guy and then he's lost interest all of a sudden. People who text like that are not actually looking for anything if they haven't suggested meeting up for an actual date. File under time waster, you can't conduct a relationship through texting. Any guy who is genuinely interested will grab his balls and ask you out.

The second example you've given is that you went on a guy and had sex with him. Then met for a second and third time and had sex with him and then he went awol and then he has disappeared. He was obviously just looking for sex, got it, and has now moved on.

So in summary you are picking the wrong men. If you want something more than a fling or are fed up attracting time wasters stop getting into a trap of texting someone who makes no moves to meet up. Likewise, any guy who wants to indulge in sexting before having met you is normally a knob out for one thing (with zero manners might I add).

Maybe take some time out to figure out the kind of guy you would like and what behaviour you will and won't put up with and then use that as a basis rather than blindly looking for a relationship and consistently picking the wrong guys.

Hope it works out for you

Hardonraging

GettingFedUp wrote: »

Can you tell us the age bracket you're conversing with , that maybe a factor .. to a certain degree .."

I'm 30 and he is 27, maybe that is a factor and one I hadn't thought about.

For example one guy a few months ago, met up, slept together, met up again, slept together again and a third time and then all of a sudden nothing. This went on over the space of a couple of months. Maybe it's that it's going nowhere fast.

Perhaps it didnt move fast enough for there to be any real connection, or there simply wasnt one, and you had sex with a guy three times and he moved on ...

stargazer 68

gettingfedup wrote: »

One guy I've been texting lately seems to just have lost interest all of a sudden for no apparent reason. Same guy told me he likes me and has made alot of effort to keep in contact and then radio silence.

I'm not saying that it's all up to them and I did text the guy I was seeing lately to keep up the contact and have received no reply at all. .

Are you meeting up and going out on actual dates with these guys or is just texting (and sex from your other post)?

Shinaynay

GettingFedUp wrote: »

"

For example one guy a few months ago, met up, slept together, met up again, slept together again and a third time and then all of a sudden nothing. This went on over the space of a couple of months. Maybe it's that it's going nowhere fast .

maybe dont sleep with them so soon so they have something to chase

ash23

I don't think you need to beat yourself up over sleeping with them "too soon". I know of many relationships which started out as a ONS or a fling.
Dating is a numbers game and involves and element of luck. You need to meet someone who also wants a relationship and whom you have chemistry with. Easier said than done but wasting time with someone who isn't interested in a relationship is preventing you from meeting a guy who is.

In my own experience, someone who is just looking to text and doesn't initiate a meetup or a date quite quickly is a time waster. If you are of the opinion that sex = a relationship you are also mistaken. Have sex because you want to, not because you think it will keep someone interested. It won't.
What I mean by that is that, imo, if someone is interested in a relationship with you, then when you sleep with them or how long you wait, it won't matter. They will still be interested in you.
But if they aren't that interested, having sex with them might just happen once or twice and then it will fizzle out and off they go in search of someone they are genuinely interested in.

So if sex is a big deal to you and you are hurt more by being rejected after sleeping with someone, then you need to wait before having sex. If you can accept it as just a physical thing where both parties have a bit of fun and have no expectations, then sleeping with someone right away won't affect you really.
But just because someone has sex with you a few times, doesn't mean anything to be honest. It won't stop them from disappearing on you. Nor will waiting to sleep with them mean a long lasting relationship.
It's all luck, timing and chemistry.

Ellsbells

Merkin wrote: »

So in summary you are picking the wrong men.

Well thats ultimately obvious alright but dating is normally a numbers game op so while its ok to give guys a chance, if they are not actively trying to date you then dont waste time texting them.

I also wouldnt sleep with them unless you are happy being a ONS. As Ash said, sex does not mean a relationship and often exactly the opposite.

LegacyUser

They do arrange to meet up and I do go and meet up and then after a few times, nothing. I even feel that we have chemistry. I don't really even get the chance to see if they are the right ones or the wrong ones. It's not all texting either as I have met up with them and they have initiated alot of the contact.

jellygems

i apply these to 'mottos' to myself, in general

whats for you wont pass u by (he wont pass u by)... n you are were your meant to be in life (maybe some lesson to be learnt being single for awile?)

so when the right guy for you comes along, ull know he will stick around and all the others will have been worth it i hope

im not saying your doing this but dont let them, if they dont get back to you make u feel like your not worth getting to know because sometimes when you dont hear back its not about u

good luck approach it with with fun-ness and whatever else happens is a bonus

LegacyUser

Merkin wrote: »

It's quite obvious from the couple of examples you have given.

You say you've been texting a guy and then he's lost interest all of a sudden. People who text like that are not actually looking for anything if they haven't suggested meeting up for an actual date. File under time waster, you can't conduct a relationship through texting. Any guy who is genuinely interested will grab his balls and ask you out.

The second example you've given is that you went on a guy and had sex with him. Then met for a second and third time and had sex with him and then he went awol and then he has disappeared. He was obviously just looking for sex, got it, and has now moved on.

So in summary you are picking the wrong men. If you want something more than a fling or are fed up attracting time wasters stop getting into a trap of texting someone who makes no moves to meet up. Likewise, any guy who wants to indulge in sexting before having met you is normally a knob out for one thing (with zero manners might I add).

Maybe take some time out to figure out the kind of guy you would like and what behaviour you will and won't put up with and then use that as a basis rather than blindly looking for a relationship and consistently picking the wrong guys.

Hope it works out for you

It's not just texting as we have met up but the majority of it is texting because I live an hour away from where he lives.

I agree, probably looking for sex and on to the next one now.

I agree that its easy to get into a texting trap. I need to avoid that in the future.

Thanks for your reply.

LegacyUser

ash23 wrote: »

I don't think you need to beat yourself up over sleeping with them "too soon". I know of many relationships which started out as a ONS or a fling.
Dating is a numbers game and involves and element of luck. You need to meet someone who also wants a relationship and whom you have chemistry with. Easier said than done but wasting time with someone who isn't interested in a relationship is preventing you from meeting a guy who is.

In my own experience, someone who is just looking to text and doesn't initiate a meetup or a date quite quickly is a time waster. If you are of the opinion that sex = a relationship you are also mistaken. Have sex because you want to, not because you think it will keep someone interested. It won't.
What I mean by that is that, imo, if someone is interested in a relationship with you, then when you sleep with them or how long you wait, it won't matter. They will still be interested in you.
But if they aren't that interested, having sex with them might just happen once or twice and then it will fizzle out and off they go in search of someone they are genuinely interested in.

So if sex is a big deal to you and you are hurt more by being rejected after sleeping with someone, then you need to wait before having sex. If you can accept it as just a physical thing where both parties have a bit of fun and have no expectations, then sleeping with someone right away won't affect you really.
But just because someone has sex with you a few times, doesn't mean anything to be honest. It won't stop them from disappearing on you. Nor will waiting to sleep with them mean a long lasting relationship.
It's all luck, timing and chemistry.

I agree that ONS can on occasion turn into relationships.

They do ask to meet up which is part of my problem, I can't seem to weed out the messers.Too much texting is a time waster after a while and just head wrecking.

I totally agree with all the responses re sex, it's just physical and not an indication that someone wants anything more.

LegacyUser

Ellsbells wrote: »

Well thats ultimately obvious alright but dating is normally a numbers game op so while its ok to give guys a chance, if they are not actively trying to date you then dont waste time texting them.

I also wouldnt sleep with them unless you are happy being a ONS. As Ash said, sex does not mean a relationship and often exactly the opposite.

Texting is a complete waste of time I agree unless it's going somewhere.

Always good advice from Ellsbells and advice that I would give my own friends.

Thanks for your reply also.

LegacyUser

jellygems wrote: »

i apply these to 'mottos' to myself, in general

whats for you wont pass u by (he wont pass u by)... n you are were your meant to be in life (maybe some lesson to be learnt being single for awile?)

so when the right guy for you comes along, ull know he will stick around and all the others will have been worth it i hope

im not saying your doing this but dont let them, if they dont get back to you make u feel like your not worth getting to know because sometimes when you dont hear back its not about u

good luck approach it with with fun-ness and whatever else happens is a bonus

It's a nice thought jellygems and hopefully true. stuff happens for a reason. maybe it is not about me.

jellygems

gettingfedup wrote: »

It's a nice thought jellygems and hopefully true. stuff happens for a reason. maybe it is not about me.

everything happens for a reason, sometimes we find out the reason sometimes we dont

have faith in yourself that your worth it

fits

Sometimes it just doesnt work out for many reasons the key is not to get too hung up about it. It happens.

When they get in contact, dont be afraid to let them make an effort. And dont be afraid to wait a while until you are comfortable about getting physical. If its right they wont mind, and if its not then they wouldnt have hung around anyway.

Hardonraging

jellygems wrote: »

everything happens for a reason, sometimes we find out the reason sometimes we dont

have faith in yourself that your worth it

I'd be more of a realist,but i do see where JG's coming from, i've a specific saying i use with a lot of female friend's

" if he's really interested you'll know it, he'll make an effort, a real effort at that ! "