Afraid to go out with friends . . .

LegacyUser

Hey,
Im almost 19 and in my Second year at Maynooth. I really want to go out but I just cant. I'm afraid I'll end up looking stupid. I have some serious confidence issues (a lot about being so short at just 5'5'') and I cant handle embarrassment.

My friends at college are always saying (Since the first week of first year) that we should go out and I say yea but just keep making up excuses. Its so much easier for me to do that since Im living at home and not on campus. Im a guy and my only friends in college are girls.

I never really went out before college because I just drifted away from all my friends. They just went the wrong way, one of them is an alcoholic, some have been arrested a few times and their lives are just ruined. I wasn't staying with that so I just had no friends anymore.

Im afraid that I'll go out and end up looking stupid, not knowing what to do or how to dance. Ive never even had a girlfriend or properly kissed anyone! Iv had girls interested in the past but my lack of confidence stopped me from going anywhere with it.Im also afraid of the fact that I have a small penis. (4.5 inches and 5.5 girth) Some people even think Im gay because of how uninterested I sem in girls!

I dont really know what Im asking for or looking for anyone to say anything, I just felt the need to write this.

a fat guy

You'll have no idea how much better you'll feel once you're out there in the club with your friends, having a blast!

And don't worry about your size on either counts, as long as you're not looking for a lady to spend the night with, they won't matter. You wouldn't be interested in any women who judge you based on your height and length, so why give a damn about it in the first place?

Your lack of confidence will be quickly forgotten once you're out enjoying yourself and having fun! So enjoy the weekend before Monday comes around!

Corruptedmorals

Going out does not have to mean Mantra or anything. Try a drink or two in the SU bar or the Roost. Neither are majorly concerned with dancefloors, most people are just having a chat. You'll soon find out that nobody is concerned with insulting people who walk through the door, and both have very friendly atmospheres. Act like you don't have an issue with your height or confidence, act like it's the same thing as having a chat with someone before/after a lecture. That's all it is, just a different setting and more crowded.

Overheal

A somewhat lower than statistically average penis size does not make you inadequate. Ladies come in various shapes and sizes as well. And a lot is what you do with it. There's also a lot to be said for foreplay; plus its not unreasonable to say you'd have few problems getting a woman to climax during penetration. Size will really only play a key role in what kind of positions can be pulled off; it's not going to prevent you from enjoying sex or giving enjoyment.

Having said all that? You're young, and the average age for having sex among most young people has been on the rise for years. Sex should really be an afterthought for you, not a forethought. If you've never been kissed, you need to stop thinking so damn far ahead of yourself.

Try your best not do beat yourself up about things you simply can't control like your height. In my case it was always my looks, that I was in control with. A grungy haircut and being overweight and being self-admittedly too lazy or incompetent to do something about it. Yeah, those were the days. People also used to think the same things of me. It wasn't easy to deal with, but disappeared over time just as a consequence of me moving on and pulling myself together.

If you think you'll look stupid embrace stupid. One man's stupid is another's nerdy boyish charm. I know which one has worked for me in the past, and it grew into confidence until I simply wasn't shy anymore, and I'm not nearly as awkward socially as I once was. It's a process.

Keep in mind too, the real stupid-looking ones tend to be the alcoholics and ex-convicts.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,
Just so you know a lot of people have confidence issues at your age, it's a normal part of growing up. A lot of pressure is put on you about career sex/love and friendships.
It may seem scary but if you don't push yourself to socialise you'll regret it later. It's important to be out meeting new people, learning about what you like and dislike. Join a club in college and socialise that way. If you dont get out and do it you'll become more withdrawn. Some nights you might have a great time and otrhers if you're not just head home early. You are in cointrol of all your decisions.

Also your last comment, You should focus less on the size of your penis and more on your strengths. Girls aren't only intsrested whats in a mans pants. They like guys who are confident, mature and good humoured. Try and focus on yourself and building up your confidence.

Best of luck

woodchuck

I think you're over thinking this! Just take the plunge and go out and hopefully have a good time. Just show up where and when you've arranged with your friends. You'll probably just go for a few drinks and have some laughs. If you do end up somewhere that has a dance floor you don't actually have to dance if you don't to!! A lot of people don't. And you'll soon see that a lot who do look like right eejits anyway, so don't be worrying about how you measure up :P

Just take it one step at a time for now. Focus on heading out and worry about pulling girls at another stage. Just get comfortable with the 'going out' scene for the time being. And try to have fun

(couple of basic things; Don't leave your drink unattended. Keep an eye on your phone and your wallet. Wear clothes that you won't be devastated if you get beer spilled all over them. If you're going to a club check your jacket in)

blatantrereg

Most guys dont know how to dance. You'd only look stupid if you tried excessively hard and took yourself too seriously.

Most 18 year olds occaionally/frequently make tits of themselves on a night out. Nobody will care unless you are starting fights or harrassing girls or something. Again; just dont worry about it.

I wouldn't worry about your length. The girth is above average I think - and that's actually preferable than the other way around... But really that's not something to be thinking about. The biggest reason for guys being shy with girls is that they fixate on sex. Dont even think about sex unless/until you're kissing someone. Dont think about kissing them unless/until they're comfortable with you making physical contact. Dont think about making physical contact unless they're talking to you. Dont start talking to them unless they make eye contact.

See why you're worried? You are worrying about sex when all you should be thinking about is maybe smiling and saying hi if someone cute catches your eye.

DylanII

blatantrereg wrote: »

Most guys dont know how to dance. You'd only look stupid if you tried excessively hard and took yourself too seriously.

Most 18 year olds occaionally/frequently make tits of themselves on a night out. Nobody will care unless you are starting fights or harrassing girls or something. Again; just dont worry about it.

I wouldn't worry about your length. The girth is above average I think - and that's actually preferable than the other way around... But really that's not something to be thinking about. The biggest reason for guys being shy with girls is that they fixate on sex. Dont even think about sex unless/until you're kissing someone. Dont think about kissing them unless/until they're comfortable with you making physical contact. Dont think about making physical contact unless they're talking to you. Dont start talking to them unless they make eye contact.

See why you're worried? You are worrying about sex when all you should be thinking about is maybe smiling and saying hi if someone cute catches your eye.

Im not sure if thats what the OP was focusing on.
I thought that it was more confidence issues in general with a little bit about sex thrown in?

OP, you just need to take the plunge. Call your friends and ask them to go out next week. Dont back out. You might feel awkward for a while but you will soon get used to it and be wanting to go out all the time. Maybe the first time your going, go with people that you know wont just disappear and leave you on your own, especially if you dont know many in Maynooth.

LegacyUser

Hey OP,

the issues you mention are not usual for some people to worry about. you are not alone in that regard. you have 2 options.....you can either avoid these situations thus guaranteeing that you will always miss out on numerous enjoyable experiences or you can start stretching your comfort zones and see what happens. the rewards definitely outweigh the 'risks'. i would advise that maybe you should attend a counsellor. they can give you great support in helping you tackle these issues.