Try to win her back or not?

LegacyUser

Was going out for a girl for about six months. We're both mid 20s

I've had serious relationships before that, but I felt this was something special. We always seemed to be on the same page. Just being with her made me happy. We shared loads of hobbies. Basically, we had a really good thing going.

She said on many occasions that I was the best boyfriend she ever had, that I made her happy, that she loved me.

But about a month ago, she broke up with me out of the blue. Saying she loved me, but that she couldn't see us together in the long term, and she'd rather end it before it got too serious.

I've no idea why she suddenly felt that way. We had such similar ambitions in life. We were both from similar backgrounds, both worked professional jobs. Both had really similar beliefs.

Anyway, I was really upset and I've spent the past month trying to get over her. I've gone out, met other women, got in touch with old friends, but all it's been doing is making me realise how much of a great thing we had.

I haven't spoken to her at all, bar a few texts to sort out sending her back some of her stuff. She refused to meet in person, and when I asked her in the text how things were, she said "Sorry if I'm not chatty. It's just too hard."

Now I'm wondering if it's worth trying to win her back. At least if I try and fail, I can move on.

On the other hand, I don't want to make things awkward for her, and upset her by opening old wounds. What does everyone think?

LegacyUser

Hi there , I recently put a post similar to that here (well similar ish)
Just to warn you people around here seem to be a little unforgiving and
Very quick to say move on and let them go.
Believe me I know how your feeling when you love someone and lost them.
Think some good advice is take some time away from the girl.
Give it really serious thought and if you still feel its worth salvaging after maybe a week or two of solid no contact . I suggest one last try.
If your like me maybe you need to know you gave it a last try and didn't just give up.
Everyone seems to think time apart will help u see things clearer and I kinda agree.
When your emotional and upset your not really thinking and could make things worse but you
Will know yourself
If you think she's worth it .. Fight for her ...
If you can move on without looking back that's a nice option too ..
Let us know what you decide ..

Distorted

I think for your own sake, you need an explanation as to why she ended things. Even if it may be hurtful. Good on you for not being shallow and just moving onto the next one. Treat it as a learning experience, and maybe ask her if she wants to meet up for coffee (with no pressure of getting back together) as you need closure over how things ended or something. To be honest, I'd be wanting to find out if she'd met someone else and thats why she ended it so suddenly.

Ellsbells

I dont agree. You have closure - she finished with you so thats all the closure you need. Why torture yourself any more?? I never know what people do with the informatioin they get from 'the closure'. If she says she doesnt want to be with you because you are too ambitious for example, are you going to change and work harder on that basis? Maybe the next girl you meet then would like someone who works less... Closure doesnt help, it just confuses. just be yourself and Ms Right for you will come along.

Move on and dont rush into a new relationship until you meet someone special. No point rebounding from one to the other.

Katy89

can only support what poster distorted said.

sounds dodgy she's not giving you real reasons. she just kind of disappeared.

think she owes you some more explanation, it's disrespectful leaving without.

from what you describe and how she behaves there might be another man in the background who's back on scene...


I would definately not chase her, for your own selfrespect.
she made her decision for now but good possibility she's the one who's crawling back soon..

Lorna123

All you need to know is that she doesn't want to have a future with you OP and the reasons for this don't need to be explained. Sure she enjoyed your company and she enjoyed the relationship for a while but now that it is time to deepen the relationship she doesn't feel that way inclined. I am sure she has thought this out before telling you so no point in persuing it. It is awful OP and the pain is terrible after a break up but you will get over it. Don't torture yourself anymore by wondering about the whys and the wherefores, just leave it and know that you haven't met the right one yet, the one who feels like you do. Best of Luck.

Beta Ray Bill

Hi OP

The fact that she dumped you out of the Blue is suspicious to me.
People don't just do that ya know?

Also she is refusing to meet. why?

Generally you can sense when someone is not happy with the way the relationship is going.

Something has provoked her to do this, and if it's not you then it's something else
My best guess would be that someone else is on the scene or something is her life has changed.

Think carefully, what has changed recently that could have prompted her do this.
If you can figure out what that is, then you will know whether to try and win her back or not

Hope this helps

KTRIC

Sounds identical to something I went through with an ex. Trust me on this one, she's got a better offer somewhere else