Can a man whore change?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I've been meeting a guy for about 2 months now, started off as just a little fun, both of us didn't want anything more but we get on really really well, have such a laugh together and has developed into more recently, e.g meeting nearly every night/day if not talking to eachother on the phone for AGES. We are not love struck teens either im in my late 20's, he's early 30's.

My problem is that in the begining he told me hes a real man whore, cheated on everyone he ever went out with in the past. Thing is I know that what we seem to have at the moment is different to anything either of us have ever experienced before, he's said so himself that he has never felt/done this before. I wont let myself get too attached to him because im afraid of getting hurt, I'm not a jealous person at all but should I be worried?

Can people change if they find someone who makes them happy or is it more likely that he'll get bored as usual and go looking for something else?

cafecolour

In my experience, generally, no. A part of it is the allure of newness, the adrenaline and feeling of 'youth' it brings. So they can certainly calm down a good bit as they get older or more serious, but sometimes an urge surfaces or an opportunity arises and they run with it.

Having said that, I've known a few that afaik have successfully changed their stripes. They all seemed to be more a general personality change/maturation than anything done by the specific girl they were dating. I.E. one friend and his girlfriend had a near-fatal accident and he changed his ways (including in this way) after that.

FrogMarch

unexperienced wrote: »

My problem is that in the begining he told me hes a real man whore, cheated on everyone he ever went out with in the past.

Well then there's a good chance he'll cheat on you too if you pursue a relationship with him. He's even warned you.

If I started seeing a woman who admitted to me that she had cheated on every man she'd ever been with, she wouldn't see me for dust.

beks101

I think he can, but in this case, he's already given you a heads up on his behaviour, which says a lot. It's like a warning not to expect too much from him because he can't deliver.

Have you had a conversation about your status? Your concerns?

Lorna123

I would take it easy, you are only 2 months into this relationship and that is the phase where everyting is electric. This phase does not last and after about 6 months will be the evidence of whether he gets bored or not, if you are prepared to wait that long. My advice to you now would be to not expect an awful lot from this guy, but just enjoy it while it lasts, if you can.

Hardonraging

Personally i think it's impossible for any body here to answer this question for you, as none of us know this guy, nor do we know you.

My reasoning for this answer is, I'm single, and some would address me as a man whore, however not in the sense of cheating on a gf ( i'll come back this later on) just from the perspective that i'm single, and I enjoy meeting women.

What i can tell you is that if this guy has a history of cheating, it's not a great foundation to start off on, I'm sure he will inevitable settle down, but will he settle with you, or will you for ever be worried about what he's doing and where he's gone to ..

I would play this one really close and slow, see where it goes, keep your eyes open, and listen to what he has to say, if you have any doubt in your mind that he's playing away you need to address it, and read his answer based on his body language.

I personally hope it works out for the both of you of course..

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone,

Your replys are what i expected and thanks for the honesty.

He told me about his cheating very early on and I told him stuff I regret doing, he knows I couldn't trust him but I do think its different with whatever we have (know that sounds so stupid). In the past he was with younger immature girls who he never actually talked to. He's told me that its more my personality that he likes and I believe him, he has no reason to lie as I told him from the start that I didn't want anything from him except a laugh but he seems to be the one who wants to move things forward.

Thats where Im confused, why would he act this way if he's only interested in sex, he is the one who calls me all the time, asks to meet up, most nights he will call over to watch a film and we will just spend the night cuddling and having a laugh. Won't even try to do anything else.

Is it only because I'm not falling all over him declaring my love and all that crap that he thinks its his mission to make me fall for him? Argh I don't think thats what it is because we have shared alot with eathother and know that he wouldn't want to hurt me but I could be wrong.

curlzy

Hey OP,

I know you really like this guy but think about it. If he thought he really really liked you and wouldn't cheat on you would he have told you about his past? No, he wouldn't. I think he told you so he could say "but sure I told you what I'm like" when he inevitabley cheats on you and can make himself feel no guilt because "sure you knew". If you haven't slept with him I'd say that's why he's still around, some guys are weird like that. Honestly OP, I wouldn't risk it, I'd be walking away now. You can met a proper man who doesn't have these horrible leanings.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

curlzy wrote: »

Hey OP,

I know you really like this guy but think about it. If he thought he really really liked you and wouldn't cheat on you would he have told you about his past? No, he wouldn't. I think he told you so he could say "but sure I told you what I'm like" when he inevitabley cheats on you and can make himself feel no guilt because "sure you knew". If you haven't slept with him I'd say that's why he's still around, some guys are weird like that. Honestly OP, I wouldn't risk it, I'd be walking away now. You can met a proper man who doesn't have these horrible leanings.

Best of luck.

Know what your saying and if someone asked me I would say the exact same thing but I cant understand why he's still around and pushing things forward so much, he told me that im the best thing that has happened to him in a very long time and he tells me things that are happening in his life that i know he wouldn't tell anyone else. Im not gushy with him in the slightest but do care about him.

Oh god im turning into one of those stupid girls who cant see whats in front of them aren't I.

P. Breathnach

unexperienced wrote: »

...
Oh god im turning into one of those stupid girls who cant see whats in front of them aren't I.

Possibly. But at least you are thinking about the matter, which is good.

He is now in his thirties. It seems improbable that every woman with whom he has been in a relationship has been emotionally and intellectually inadequate. Further, even if they were, that is not a justification for cheating on them: it's a basis for finishing the relationship.

So why did he cheat? Frankly, the only explanation I can think of is that he could, and did not see that being in a relationship was a reason not to. I envisage a man with no sense of loyalty to a partner.

Yes, it is possible that a person with a long history of cheating can change. But it's far from certain that he will.

Lorna123

I have had guys gushing over me and telling me all sorts and buying me presents to the extent that I thought they were crazy about me, but in the end they weren't. Just wanted to "catch" me as it were and when they achieved this the novelty wore off and I didn't see them for dust. So just be careful and don't believe everything a guy tells you. Take it all with a grain of salt until he proves what he is saying. Now of course there is no guarantee that this guy is not genuine about you OP but just don't get carried away based on his past.

movingsucks

OK I'm gonna try and not sound mean here.
He is of course going to tell you that you are the best ever, that he only cheated on the others because they were immature bimbos he was tired of screwing (or whatever reason) and you're so much better and what you have is different.

Now, there's every chance what he says is true but you were not in his other relationships so you only know what you've been told - by him.
So stop comparing yourself to the past and take your relationship for what it is today.
Can a person change? Yes they can. I know someone who sounds similar to your friend, cheated throughout teens and 20s and has now been with "the one" for about six years.
On the other hand I have girlfriends who dated known "bad boys" and were shocked when they got cheated on too.
So for you it could go either way, he could have matured, be serious and never hurt you or he could be giving out the same old lines he gives all the girls. You have to decide if the risk is worth taking and to be fair that's true of any relationship - the guy who never cheated before could start with you.
Good luck whatever you decide.

misterdarkness

no not really.

i mean there is someone out there for everyone right and if he gets that person then maybe he could change but if he is being this open about it then being honest its probably not you and he still has alot of growing up to do