Can a dad give up access and guardianship

R2potat2

Hi guys
After 6 years of hell from my ex I've just hit breaking point and I just can't have her in my life anymore. She uses our son as a weapon against me and is always fighting with me in front of him. I have him every weekend but I can't manage the hours I'm giving and my son. My hours change every week but if I'm working and can't drop him home she refuses to take him from a family member or sometimes just isn't there
Once when I went to drop him home I was informed she had left for Spain the previous day.

I have already lost two jobs because of her and I am doing really well in my current job but they have warned me that I can't be late again or won't let me leave early every weekend anymore. I would love a job that suited my hours but no jobs out there that can give the salary I need my bills are to heigh and I pay a lot in child support

My ex makes my life hell always bad mouthing me to our son and spreading rumours about me on Facebook. I just can't take it any more.

I am legal guardian and have access but its not possible for me to keep my job and be there the hours I should. I want to be in my sons life I would take him when I could but if I give up access she won't let me see him but I need her out of my life I have done favours for her every week over the 6 years and she won't even let a family member drop him home for me or mind him

I will still pay child support but I just can't manage the access and I really can't deal with her anymore so is it possible to give up the access please help me ASAP thanks

ResearchWill

Not legal advice more life advice, giving up time with your son is a drastic step at this stage. Any issue of access if not agreed between the parties can be decided by a court.

As a personal view it seems reasonable to have a family member on occasion pick up or drop off your child if your ex does not agree then get a solicitor and ask the court to decide.

R2potat2

I have been through the courts many times and and still she keep hounding and hassling me all the time

She never keeps to the court orders

I am not giving up on my son I would still be willing to take him days that I'm off but I can't stick to the access order because of work and I can't quit work.

I know it sounds selfish but I am willing to take him when it suits around work I want to be part of his life and I wouldn't try stop the child support I want to support him. And when he is older he will see for him self and if he wanted to come live with me I would love that but right now he doesn't have that choice.

Thanks for the reply

January

Go back to court and seek to change the access. If she defies the court order call the Garda. She's breaking the law. Keep records of everything.

Do not give up access to your son. Imagine how he would feel about that and imagine what your ex will tell him if you do that.

R2potat2

January wrote: »

Go back to court and seek to change the access. If she defies the court order call the Garda. She's breaking the law. Keep records of everything.

Do not give up access to your son. Imagine how he would feel about that and imagine what your ex will tell him if you do that.

As I said I've been to the courts many times its no use she wins every time and she has our son as a weapon and il make it clear to him that I will always be there when he needs me
Garda and courts don't care about the fathers I have lots of incidents recorded in a book judges aren't interested in what she does because every time she pulls a stunt I take our son and he is looked after and that's all they care about. They don't care that to look after him when is takes off or refuses to take him back that I'm calling in to work saying I can't come in. I'm gonna lose my job if things don't change and change soon

R2potat2

I would just like to thank everyone for their comments but my question hasn't been answered

Is it possible to give up my access and guardianship

charlietheminxx

Not a legal answer, but you can't just parent on days off. The child is yours, and having children isn't convenient. I understand you can't lose your job but there are ways around everything.

Go back to court and get a court order. Then if she breaks it, you can pursue that.

If you give up access, you're pretty much giving up seeing your son.

R2potat2

She won't let me take him on my days off because they change every week an she is never gonna agree to give up her weekends
I went back to court about 4 months ago and the judge gave me 1 weekend off a month but my job is in retail ad weekends are the busiest time so getting the other 3 off is impossible
And is I give up my access I'd still try take him when I was off and or at least pick him up form school when I could I wouldn't just abandon him.
Sure I have a holiday book for next year I'm bringing him to Spain I would stil take him I still want to be in his life but I need to be away from my ex and not be hassled cause of my hours in work
She constantly tells me how much of a bad father I am and that he is gonna hate me when he grows up sure most weekends I only use family to collect him from school at half 1 and I finish at 3 and have family drop him home at half 1 when I start at 12 so it's not like I don't see him with work bu that's not good enough for her and won't allow anyone but me to collect and drop him home

Peregrinus

You can give up (or not exercise) your rights of access. You cannot give up your guardianship, or indeed lose it unless a court rules that you are an unfit parent, which is not likely to happen on the basis of what you say.

R2potat2

I thought access and guardianship would e hand in hand I would like to keep te guardianship but thought it would be taking anyway but thanks for the reply I am extremely grateful to all who replied

Peregrinus

R2potat2 wrote: »

I thought access and guardianship would e hand in hand I would like to keep te guardianship but thought it would be taking anyway but thanks for the reply I am extremely grateful to all who replied

Being a guardian gives you a claim to access, and abandoning your claim to access altogether is certainly something that would be mentioned against you if somebody did seek to have you stripped of your guardianship. But the two are not the same thing.

Plus, I should say, that if you do cease to exercise all your access rights there's a sporting chance that this could be brought up in the context of seeking an increase in your maintenance obligation (since your ex now has to feed, clothe and house the boy seven days a week).

I'm saying the obvious here, but you need to focus on what's best for your son, and you having no contact with him is very unlikely to be what's best. You can go back to court and ask for things like directions to your wife that she cannot object to the boy being picked up or dropped off by members of his paternal family.

You could also considering asking your ex to agree to family mediation as a way of settling an access arrangement that works for both of you, and for the boy. The court route plainly hasn't been very effective at doing that, so what have you got to lose?

R2potat2

When we went to court the last time me and my solicitor had every like people dropping him home or collecting him not to use the child as a weapon and the judge didnt listen and didnt put it in the order

Pat Mustard

The way I see it, regarding access, you could consider the following options:

1. Keep exercising your rights, as is.

2. Exercise your existing rights, but if your wife deviates from the access order, ask your solicitor about an application to court to ask the judge to intervene.

3. Ask your solicitor about applying to vary existing access arrangements to suit your work arrangements. Subsequently, if your wife deviates from this new access order, ask your solicitor about an application to ask the judge to intervene.

4. Don't exercise your access rights at all.

The decision is yours to make.

I don't see the advantage to you in giving up any rights.

planetX

my ex doesn't take all of his court ordered access - about 50% actually, and I've been told repeatedly by solicitors that it must be there for him to take, but he can't be forced to take it. Annoying for me, but it's helpful to always think of access in terms of the child not the parents. Your son has a right to see you - rather than take such a hurtful step to him of giving up access, why not take it when you can.

R2potat2

I would take him when I could but if I didn't turn up once she would lose the plot and
It hard to explain the type of person she is. She actually make me depressed and hate myself she has threatened my girlfriend and family I want to give up the access cause then she wouldn't have the control over me anymore I feel like her puppet as well as struggling to cope with work and access I really struggle to cope with her. An I wouldn't mind but we broke up cause she cheated 2 months after he was born and since has set out to make my life hell. Sometimes like last week there was a kids party on one of my days an I wasn't allowed have him she uses babysitters when she is her course mon to fri but I'm not allowed use one or she goes mad texting me ringin me to give out I just can't take any more

Pat Mustard

R2potat2 wrote: »

I would take him when I could but if I didn't turn up once she would lose the plot and
It hard to explain the type of person she is. She actually make me depressed and hate myself she has threatened my girlfriend and family I want to give up the access cause then she wouldn't have the control over me anymore I feel like her puppet as well as struggling to cope with work and access I really struggle to cope with her. An I wouldn't mind but we broke up cause she cheated 2 months after he was born and since has set out to make my life hell. Sometimes like last week there was a kids party on one of my days an I wasn't allowed have him she uses babysitters when she is her course mon to fri but I'm not allowed use one or she goes mad texting me ringin me to give out I just can't take any more

It's your job to go and fight for your child's right to see you. Everything else is just distracting you from that. Your life would be simpler and you'd have a lot fewer worries if you concentrated on what you need to do rather than worrying about things you can't change.

So bring the fight back to your wife.

If you can't listen to her, then don't. Go to court and fight it out there.

Good luck to you.

R2potat2

We have been to court and I got every weekend changed to 3 weekends a month my job won't allow more than 1 and even at that I'm usually rostered for it I have tried to fight back for 6 years she always comes out on top I just can't fight anymore I'm not the fighting type

I have decided not to give up the access but if I can't take him because she refuses to let a family member take him home I'm just gonna say well I can't take him then and not take him but offer to take him another day I can and if she refuses well at least I tried