Friends

shinesun

Was not going to post but decided I would. Feeling sorry for myself I guess. 
Just wondering what ye guys think of my situation.

I will give a brief synopsis.
I suppose I would have just a couple of friends, no harm in that.  There is two that I would not see for a while at a time but when I do meet up with them, they tend to talk to each other for the night. Try and get in the conversation when I can.Usually meet out in a pub or that.
I understand I'm quiet and do try and make an effort with both but I always think that ppl cannot be bothered talking to the 'quiet' person in every situation!!  I don't mind so much when the partners are out as can talk to them but it still does annoy me.

I met up with the two of them at wknd for meal & cinema.It twas good, I still felt 'out' if you get me. Like it would have made no diff if I was there or not.Tbh I did ask one of them to meet for a coffee a few weeks ago jus in an email or something and she replied ya we must all meet up sometime soon like I was not good enough/ too quiet to meet up on my own I guess!

I know myself I'm quiet. Always have been. It's just hurtful and nothing really I can do about it.

Was trying to arrange a meal for my bday a while back & one of these said friends said they could not make it until 1/2 of an hour later. No explanation. was just dissapointed that for one night of the year. Could not come out on time for my bleedin bday! Oh well . One or two other things too that pissed me off too. Did not go ahead with it after as it was just annoying me and went for a meal with partner instead.

I think I'm going to stick with when a few more come out than just those two friends.

I don't think I'm being paranoid even tho ye might disagree. My partner thinks I am but men are diff souls
Some days I would just love to be popular!

Thanks for reading.

SunnyDub1

have you made any effort of trying to get in on the conversation? Or is it that they are talking about stuff you are not interested in?

I wouldn't take the whole coffee thing to heart.
I have two close friends too (3 best friends) but one of them would only come to anything I arranged or organized if the other friend was coming. I would offer to go for coffee or shopping but she would always have something on or was busy, however, if my other friend was coming she wouldn't have anything on :rolleyes:
I learned to just accept that maybe she feels she has little in common with me or for some reason feels awkward around me, I dunno but we get on great as a threesome and I love them both

Best way to not get upset or hurt by something is to not over analyze it.

As for your birthday meal, I'm gonna be honest with you. I think you over reacted. It's not like she said she couldn't come at all, she said she was gonna be a little late, maybe she had something important on.

LegacyUser

Oh gosh I've been through this.
Have two "best" friends. They wouldn't speak to each other for weeks then when I would arrange a meet up they'd use it as a catch up for each other and go swanning off to the bathroom for a big "talk" while I was sat there minding drinks like a lemon. I told them it was ignorant and there was drama and apologies but nevertheless I stopped "managing" the friendship for them.
There was loads of other crap as well regarding birthdays - one wouldn't come to my 21st despite months of notice then tried to get our other friends to come out the night before! Then another time I tried to arrange a Christmas meet up for us and partners at a restaurant and one of them was all "oh maybe" and didn't respond to any of my messages about venue and times - then the day of it she made up some excuse not to come. The other friend was so late we lost the table. One of them will also cry poor mouth whenever I suggest anything yet goes off for Spa days and "girlie nights" with other friends frequently. There's a tonne of inconsiderate crap like that I could go on!
You need to accept that these folks may never be the friends you want them to be, they may never make the same effort that you do. It's probably not personal. Then you need to decide is it still worth having them in your life in spite of this.
This is what I did. I used to feel hurt that they didn't make the same efforts or I had to do all the running but now I do my own thing, expanded my social circle and don't rely on them. We're still friends but it's a different type of friendship.

whatdoicare

I have/had two "friends" exactly like that - they'd even go so far as to walk ahead of me holding each others hands. Like they were trying to show me that I was the lesser friend or something. Weirdos.

I just stopped contacting them altogether and now they're at me to meet up. Every so often I do but I never meet them alone or for very long.

They're not really worth all the hassle tbh - you're better off getting actual friends.

shinesun

Gosh I'm shocked to hear some of those stories.

I've only noticed it really with my 'friends' and have dec next time will meet them with another good friend of mine.


I really do think it comes down to me being quiet as its no secret. Has been said to me by them, your so quiet. I brushed it off. I know it's not an insult or anything but now you would be thinking is it too much of a chore to meet me.


I won't be making half as much of an effort and will only see them occasionally while widening my social circle!