How do I get her to know I exist?

LegacyUser

I've never been good with women. 20 year old in my last year of college and never really had a proper girlfriend. Also a virgin, which im a little embarassed about.

Im a very shy person and I can never think of what to say when talking to girls and it usuallty just results in a long awkward silence.

Theres a girl I like in one of my lectures but she doesnt even know i exist. I would like to.ask her out but i dont know how to even introduce myself. Havent asked a girl out in nearly 3 years wheni got shot down by a girl i was crazy about so any advice to avoid a similar situation would be appreciated.

Thanks,
K.

NeonCookies

Hi,

Firstly, don't get yourself down about being a virgin at 20. I'm 23, and recently, my friends and I had a discussion about what age we first had sex and turns out for a lot of us, we'd presumed others had much earlier than they really had. You never really know what's going on with other people. And in my experience, 20 is not so late.

Secondly, if this girl is in your lecture, how about sitting near enough to her one day. Say hello, ask how she's getting on with the coursework etc. Do this a few times, then if either of you are finding something difficult suggest meeting for a coffee to work on it. And take it from there. If she doesn't know you exist, I'm guessing you don't reeeally know too much about this girl. It could turn out you don't really like her all to much (or you could!!) But either way, the first step is to build up some kind of relationship. Then you can gauge how she feels.

Life's too short to worry about "What if's" and regret. Go for it!

P. Breathnach

NeonCookies wrote: »

... how about sitting near enough to her one day. Say hello, ask how she's getting on with the coursework etc. Do this a few times ...

Yes but ... don't just sit beside her for five consecutive lectures using the same script. That might creep her out.

decmanning

id say a student night out might be your best bet to get yourself intriduced and talking however dont do this while totally blotto, maybe one or two drinks may give you that extra bit of confidence to bite the bullet and get talking to her but leave it at that, dont get pissed, this will put her off, keep it simple and finish it off by saying something like see ya in college tomorrow then this gives you the foundations to approach her during lectures without her thinking its creepy, women love talking about all sorts of stuff, try talking about your course, the previous night, plans for the weekend, music, movies, throw in the odd joke and get a giggle out of her, this will break you in with her and make you feel more comfortable then take it from here and develop the chat onto more serious things like about her family, where she lives and stuff like that, then when ya feel comfortable enough to go for it and ask her out

Overheal

Theres a girl I like in one of my lectures but she doesnt even know i exist.

Yeah?

And what exactly is it you like about her?








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I ask because well, it's actually an interesting psychology tool I picked up from sales. "I want the iPad!" Oh good, what did you like most about it? "Uhm........." <- customer who is not ready to buy an iPad.

If your response is "she's gorgeous" etc, then you're more or less barking up the wrong tree. Girls that I've been interested in/got along with I got along with for interests, not because I thought they were hot. Hotness doesn't really fire up a conversation, you know? Unless you're The Fonz. Hrm.

OP I didn't lose my virginity until I was 25. Relax. Nothing to be embarrassed about.

Unfortunately your awkward silence is really mostly down to sex.

Think about it if she were a guy that you had no sexual feelings for would you have the faintest hesitation in initiating a conversation with them, if you thought the person was worth conversing with? probably not.

Rejection is easier than you think. I don't think I've had a "bad" rejection in over 10 years. Rejection is actually pretty soft: you ask someone out for a drink, the movies, social event, etc. either they say yes or they say no, give an excuse or an honest reason and that might be that. Sometimes you get there only to find she's engaged with two children and is just having a rough patch and needs someone to talk to, or she's seeing someone, or she's simply not looking, or she's just not 'feeling it' (after you spent $150 on a new years eve and a follow-up date..lol). It happens. Important thing to note is it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you, a lot of it can be circumstantial.

I don't think you're even quite up to that point yet though, where rejection is even the problem you need to be concerned with. Learning how to hold a conversation with women is kind of your next step. Believe me I know it took longer than I'd like to admit openly (but since US IPs are blocked from anonymous posting..) not to see every cute girl that was ever friendly to me as some potential sexual opportunity. That just comes from social interaction, and desensitizing yourself to it.

Try approaching her as a friend and not a sexual confrontation.