How do you initiate...

LegacyUser

...sex with your partner?

So here is the story - I'm on my thirties, I grew up in a different country and I am seeing an Irish guy. He once complained I did not initiated sex much, which is very true.

To be honest, I guess this is partially because in my home country guys are extremely sleazy, so I never actually had to initiate anything, they would take care of this.

I totally have the hots for this Irish guy, and I do feel like jumping all over him each time I see him. But I don't know how to initiate nor when to do so.

I'm afraid of coming across as clingy and I'm afraid he might not be too interested and might reject my approaches.

What would you suggest?

Our romantic evenings usually consist of watching a DVD at home after work and have a few cans and a take away, as we are completely broken.

Can I start touching him all over during a DVD session, for example? What if he doesn't reciprocate? And after we had sex, if I feel like going again (and usually he did not have a problem with it), can I just say it?

Argh, I feel really awkward about it!

Many thanks!

Pippy1976

When to initiate sexual encounters with an Irish guy? Practically any time of the day or night to be honest... although not in public, that's uncomfortable for third parties.

lalala***la wrote: »

...sex with your partner?

So here is the story - I'm on my thirties, I grew up in a different country and I am seeing an Irish guy. He once complained I did not initiated sex much, which is very true.

To be honest, I guess this is partially because in my home country guys are extremely sleazy, so I never actually had to initiate anything, they would take care of this.

I totally have the hots for this Irish guy, and I do feel like jumping all over him each time I see him. But I don't know how to initiate nor when to do so.

I'm afraid of coming across as clingy and I'm afraid he might not be too interested and might reject my approaches.

What would you suggest?

Our romantic evenings usually consist of watching a DVD at home after work and have a few cans and a take away, as we are completely broken.

Can I start touching him all over during a DVD session, for example? What if he doesn't reciprocate? And after we had sex, if I feel like going again (and usually he did not have a problem with it), can I just say it?

Argh, I feel really awkward about it!

Many thanks!

The Corinthian

lalala***la wrote: »

To be honest, I guess this is partially because in my home country guys are extremely sleazy, so I never actually had to initiate anything, they would take care of this.

Irish, and British, women tend to be a lot more sexually aggressive than in most other countries and you'll often hear Irish or British men complain that they get nowhere when abroad (ultimately because they're too passive).

I totally have the hots for this Irish guy, and I do feel like jumping all over him each time I see him. But I don't know how to initiate nor when to do so.

TBH, you've answered your own question.

I'm afraid of coming across as clingy and I'm afraid he might not be too interested and might reject my approaches.

Being sexually aggressive is not the same as being clingy - he will not confuse the two.

He may get freaked out if you're too aggressive, but if so, just let him know you're just trying to find the right balance that you'll both be comfortable with.

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate your input.

I'm not sure whether our differences are due to different cultural backgrounds or different personalities or both.

Just forgot to mention (probably just makes it all more confusing lol) that me & my partner have been in a relationship for over a year now and I love him to bits. I never realised this was a problem until he brought it up a few months into the relationship, and until he mentioned that his ex would usually initiate sex every single night, being very er... "aggressive" in her approaches...as I would normally just "play cool" and wait till he would make the first move.

I guess the comparison with the ex felt really intimidating... and embarrassing in a way, so I just wanted to know where I'm standing.

Thanks a million! All the best!

Overheal

Our romantic evenings usually consist of watching a DVD at home after work and have a few cans and a take away, as we are completely broken.

Can I start touching him all over during a DVD session, for example?

Yes.

What if he doesn't reciprocate?

Hit the buttons. Mines the jaw, or behind the ears. Hair is also a safe bet.

And after we had sex, if I feel like going again (and usually he did not have a problem with it), can I just say it?

Yes!

DeltaWhite

OP I have the exact same problem, I'm with my OH 2 years now and I find that I just never initiate sex?? I have no idea why I love him to bits, very attracted to him but for some reason I dont start off, it's always him! But in fairness I have found the times when I do initiate - he is too tired, or this or that and I always feel shot down/rejected Still trying to find a balance and I will keep my eye on this thread for some ideas but just know you are not alone

x Purple Pawprints x

Be confident OP, he obviously wants to to initiate things if he mentioned it to you so I don't think he's not going to reciprocate. As Overheal says, push his buttons. You've been together for a year so I assume you know what he likes. Good luck.

BBDBB

The good news is, you wont have to say much to initiate sex, you may want to say more during and after your lovemaking to keep it improving for you both and to gain confidence.

The clearest signals you can give are physical, ie touching, stroking, kissing and eye contact. Move from over the clothes to under the clothes touching, skin on skin contact is a fairly clear indication depending upon location, the more intimate the touch the clearer the sign that sex is on the cards.

You go girl

curlzy

I was about to be all "what do you mean Irish women are aggressive:mad:!" and then I stopped and thought about how I initiate stuff with my fiancee and considering I just reach around and cup him I really can't be horrified at the term aggressive. LOL:o

OP, have fun with it! You can tease him, if you're spooning and you're the little spoon, you can just start grinding backwards with your hips. Or if you're the big spoon, do what I do and just trail your fingers down south and have a play : )

If you're not in bed you could just hold his stare and start taking your clothes off really slowly. Or just simply just lean across and start nimbling his ear.

Honestly OP, you're missing out here. Seducing a guy is great fun, they're really easy by the way : ) Unless they're really tired/hungry/stressed you won't have a problem if your guy has a good libido and if your bf's last gf was initiating it every night then you can bet he has a good libido.

ENJOY IT!!!

LegacyUser

Girls & Guys,
Thank you so much for your replies! You have no idea how much they helped, and indeed I am missing out a lot! Thank you also for letting me know I'm not the one!

That's great that we can be so free to do all this things! Curlyz, I loved your post, will def try those myself!

It's funny, cos I come from a latin background, which is supposed to be very liberating, but in the end it is just very sexists, and girls never have much freedom and control of when to start things! I have a lot to learn from you girls regarding having a say in how things develop, and I think it will be a really fun learning curve! thank you!!

Wishing you all the best! And any suggestions... [blushing] please keep them coming!

xx

BBDBB

just a thought as I was stood at the stove stirring the beef stew - glamourous huh!

you could always exchange a few flirty texts to let him know you are thinking of him, see how the conversation goes but if you can get him thinking of you and you leave him with something tantalising he should be warmed up when you both are home

Id offer you my recipe for Beef stew but if you are waiting for him when he gets in I think you'll only have time for a sandwich this evening

x Purple Pawprints x

BBDBB wrote: »

just a thought as I was stood at the stove stirring the beef stew - glamourous huh!

you could always exchange a few flirty texts to let him know you are thinking of him, see how the conversation goes but if you can get him thinking of you and you leave him with something tantalising he should be warmed up when you both are home

Id offer you my recipe for Beef stew but if you are waiting for him when he gets in I think you'll only have time for a sandwich this evening

That's actually a great idea. Myself and my bf are sort of long distance and this helps a lot, trust me.