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Person in my course

  • 30-09-2012 9:20pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I started a course last year and got on very well with most of the people in my class. Except for one person, she is older than the rest of us, has 20 years on me but we had a good few other mature students and we all just mucked in together except for her. She was very quiet so I tried to make an effort to talk to her as I didnt like the idea of anyone being left out. All was well at the beginning but then she started following me around, everywhere I went she would be there, when I wasn't in I would get a text, the final straw was when she went up to one of my friends in the library, who was in a different course, she had never spoken to my friend but wanted to know why I wasnt in etc. it all started to be a bit much so I backed aŵay and put some boundaries in place, this person still makes me feel very uncomfortable.

    We started back earlier in September and we have a smaller class size now, during a conversation with some others I found out that she had behaved in a very similar manner to other members of the class last year, no one had really mentioned it as they didn't want to be mean. She went to out class co-ordintor and said that she felt that she felt that she was being left out and that she was too old when age really has nothing to do with it. The co-ordintor has started to put me with her for projects and such and I feel very uncomfortable as I feel like I have to watch everything I say and do because if I give her an inch she will take a mile.

    The worst part is that I feel terrible about feeling the way that I do because I assume she is this way for a reason but I honestly just can't handle anyone being that full on, it's so exhausting and truthfully, a bit scary.

    Has anyone dealt with anyone like this before and does anyone have any tips about putting up boundaries while not being mean, I understand this woman has issues but I am just not equipped to deal with them.


Comments

  • #2
    up for anything
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,779 ✭✭✭up for anything


    As much as she felt she had a right to approach the class coordinator with a problem so do you. You should speak to them and explain what has happened and say that they are putting you in a very uncomfortable situation when you are teamed up with this person.


  • #3
    Gannicus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,736 ✭✭✭Gannicus


    up for anything wrote: »
    As much as she felt she had a right to approach the class coordinator with a problem so do you. You should speak to them and explain what has happened and say that they are putting you in a very uncomfortable situation when you are teamed up with this person.

    I agree. She clearly has attachment/abandonment issues so as soon as anyone talks to her she seems to become infatuated with them. Tell the co-ordinator what's going on and see what they can do to help you.


  • #4
    gugleguy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,959 ✭✭✭gugleguy


    I am in a different career now. I was in a position like you OP - I was put with an individual just like the 1 you describe. This is going back to May 1995. The others on the course realised this too. Right - the rest of the class realise this. Talk to course head in 1 - 1 , ask for 1 - 1 and talk about YOU.


  • #5
    IrishEyes19
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,861 ✭✭✭IrishEyes19


    I agree that the situation must be uncomfortable, but from an outside perspective I would guess this woman feels age does have a lot to do with it. Id say unlike other people in the class, she hasn't gelled properly into the class and made friends like everyone else and feels she needs to over compensate.

    Im not by any means saying you were wrong, if she is latching onto you, it can be very uncomfortable, but I have a feeling this woman feels she entered into the course an outsider and still is!! Its all good and well talking to someone but I doubt this woman is stupid, she knows people feel sorry for her and thats a terrible feeling in itself!! Id imagine she would just like to be part of the group, going out for a few drinks ect, socialising.

    Is it possible to make her a friend of the whole group, rather than just individuals, if you all "mucked together" as you said, then Im guessing you socialise together, is it possible to include her in these events ect. Become a group and you can then make her feel part of it, rather than encouraging her to latch on, which I would assume is because she'd like a friend in there and is really trying hard.


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