Seriously confused about three women

imnotreg

Hard to say how i've found myself in this situation. Firstly I must say that apart from oral sex etc that I'm a virgin (if that actually makes any sense). Always wanted to save that part for one woman. I'm over 40 now and in some ways sorry that I didn't take that step.

Anyway, I really need to choose one of three women. I guess one could be considered a friends with benefits for over 15 years! She gives mind blowing oral and I can really excite her. She has been very patient (too patient!)

Number 2 is a woman i dated for several years. She is in her late 20s and indeed attractive. She wants me to decide what i want (i.e. her?) but for some reason I can't seem to decide. I'm not sure if I can let her go. This has been going on for over 2 years. Even though choosing number 3 seems to be the wise choice, my heart feels attached to number 2.

Number 3 is over 40 like me. Very classy though seems to have little or no interest in oral sex (either receiving or giving). I have told her I want to give but it has never happened. She gave it to me a few times but is no where near as amazing as Number 1.

Help? This is a genuine request to help me decide what to do. Thank you

EoghanIRL

imnotreg wrote: »

Hard to say how i've found myself in this situation. Firstly I must say that apart from oral sex etc that I'm a virgin (if that actually makes any sense). Always wanted to save that part for one woman. I'm over 40 now and in some ways sorry that I didn't take that step.

Anyway, I really need to choose one of three women. I guess one could be considered a friends with benefits for over 15 years! She gives mind blowing oral and I can really excite her. She has been very patient (too patient!)

Number 2 is a woman i dated for several years. She is in her late 20s and indeed attractive. She wants me to decide what i want (i.e. her?) but for some reason I can't seem to decide. I'm not sure if I can let her go. This has been going on for over 2 years. Even though choosing number 3 seems to be the wise choice, my heart feels attached to number 2.

Number 3 is over 40 like me. Very classy though seems to have little or no interest in oral sex (either receiving or giving). I have told her I want to give but it has never happened. She gave it to me a few times but is no where near as amazing as Number 1.

Help? This is a genuine request to help me decide what to do. Thank you

Number 1 oral sex ftw

MeadowLane

If you heart is attached to no2 then you have answered your own question

KKkitty

Number 2. You're emotionally connected to her. Number 1 is just sexual really and number 3 seems like she doesn't really want commitment in d long run.

imnotreg

Number 3 wants to marry me. I'm seriously worried about sexual compatibility though. I haven't made her come, I think she stops it happening.

Reesy

Hi,

Maybe if you write a day in your diary for ten years hence, imagining that you are married to one of them, then a few days later to another, then the third. Describe your day / weekend in detail and how you feel, what you enjoy.

Would that help you think about it in terms a bit more strategic than the sexual stuff? IMHO that'll become secondary to the rest of the relationship - if it's a good relationship - in time.

Good luck.

daisybelle2008

OP, I find the fact that you are 'saving' penetrative sex for one woman an incredibly hard concept to understand. Can you explain your logic here so we can understand it a bit better?. It seems a very strange value to have. I am not sure what woman on earth would somehow 'value' it more with a virgin in his 40's who had actively engaged in emotional and quasi sexual relationships with multiple women at the same time. I am trying to be objective and put myself in that position. To be honest it seems you have engaged in serious enough relationships but withheld penetrative sex for some reason. It must have been frustrating for those women.
You seem to have very skewed logic and if I'm honest it sounds more repressed and weird to me than honourable. But maybe you can explain it better?

Big Bag of Chips

Are you in 3 simultaneous relationships? Do the 3 women all know about each other? If they did, you might find they'd make your decision for you.

I find it strange that you are trying to decide a future relationship based on sexual compatibility, without actually having sex.

Sex is one aspect of a relationship. There are so so many other aspects to think of. If you are basing a decision solely on sex then I think your relationship would have a fairly short lifespan. In the 'honeymoon' phase of relationships couples tend to have sex when ever/where ever possible. As the relationship settles, so too does the sex life. So if you are depending solely on sex to keep your relationship going, you might find yourself getting bored after the initial few months.

Decide on a relationship with a woman because you like her. Because you want to spend time with her. Because you miss her when she's not around...

If you don't feel like that about any of these women, then keep looking!

Idle Passerby

So your having a sexual relationship with three women, just refusing to have penetrative sex with any of them? You may technically be a virgin but your not exactly virginal. Do they know about each other and that your active with more than one woman at a time?

Without knowing exactly what arrangement you have with these women, Its confusing why woman 3 would want to marry a man whose sleeping with other women but not her. Number 1 is a friend with benefits so what makes you think she'd want a relationship with you after 15 years of no strings? If number 2 is waiting for you to make a decision, I presume that means she's given you an ultimatum.

It sounds like these women aren't aware of each other and if that's the case your behavior towards them sounds very controlling. If they don't know the full story your robbing them of the chance to make their own decision while you string them all along.

dellas1979

Wow! This is a real "keeping your options open" stuff! Why are you stringing them all along? Well, I guess you are on here to stop that.

Number 2 seems to have your heart, and thats far more precious than any act of sex. Unless the act of sex is more precious to you than your heart? Thats something for you to decide.

imnotreg

Thank you Reesy. I understand that sex is not the most important. Number 3 has a great mind, is good fun and very easy to get along with.

I guess initially i saved it for religious reasons (though I'm not extremely religious). Some women have been frustrated by that. I would like to think honourable is the description.

Yes these 'relationships' are simultaneous. No the women do not know about each other. I want to try sex with number 3 (i think) but she will not until marriage. I would not however base a decision solely on sex. Maybe I'm not capable of missing a woman?

Number 1 loves me also but has allowed the arrangement. Number 2 really needs to know where she stands. I'm not deliberately trying to be controlling.

Perhaps I am trying to keep options open. I really am trying to decide. I do want to stop that

Heart before sex of course. Number 2 can be very moody and we used to argue quite a bit before the original breakup.

Thank you all for advice so far

shalalala

OP, I think you should step away from all of these women for a while. You are leading them all on and they all think they are having a relationship with you but you are playing them against each other.

It seems that sex has become the most important part of your decision. Sleep with them (as long as they do not think that you are being exclusive) and then I am sure that it will stop being the deciding factor because personality and attraction should be the most important points.

up for anything

I'm finding this a bit difficult to believe. Lady No.1 has been in a sexual relationship with you for 15 years without actually having penetrative sex.

Also have they been performing oral sex on you while you're wearing a condom. If not, it's a bit dicey for the four of you as any one of them could be playing you at your own game.

I find the whole story quite sordid and not a little sad that there are three perfectly nice women (according to you) who are so desperate as to have ended up with you.

My advice to you would to take a good, long, hard look at yourself and your behaviour.

Ellsbells

There is nothing honorable about what you are doing so don't delude yourself about that. It's not nice up treat people like that.

stargazer 68

imnotreg wrote: »

I guess initially i saved it for religious reasons (though I'm not extremely religious). . I would like to think honourable is the description.

Seriously????? :eek:

Ellsbells wrote: »

There is nothing honorable about what you are doing so don't delude yourself about that. It's not nice up treat people like that.

Exactly - there is nothing honourable about what you are doing. Seeing 3 women and none of them know about the others!!

Ickle Magoo

OP - you have three threads in PI, all discussing or asking for advice on the same issue.

Please take the advice you have already been offered on board and do not re-post on it again.

Cheers