Just so confused and want advice

silvercloud518

This is my first time to ever post on forums, but I don't know what else to do! I've been seeing this guy for the past 4 years and are mid/late-20s. We get on great, we're very similar, etc. We're both very private people and probably both slightly leaning towards Asperger's-type personalities.

Anyway, the past while, he's been very flirty, open, etc. Sending flirty texts, all that sort of thing, which was very unlike him. Somehow, we got talking about evening classes. I said I'd love to do an art one that I had heard about. I suggested that he should come along with me, so I wouldn't have to be alone. His reply was that he knew people that worked near there and didn't want to be seen with me because it might give the wrong impression. The next day he spoke to me like nothing had happened.

I'm just so hurt and confused that he would say that and it is completely out of the blue. Like why? I have never done anything wrong, he's always seemed more into me than I am him, I'm not a nagging type and always let him do his own thing.

I know people will say get rid of him, but I don't want advice on what I should do. I just want thoughts on why he would say it.

Thanks

Lorna123

All I can see is that he thinks that doing an Arts course makes him look like a sissy and he doesn't want to come under that heading. I don't see it like he doesn't want to be seen with you, not after 4 years together. Maybe you should ask him what he means by saying that, it is the only way you will find out.

P. Breathnach

You say that you have been seeing him for 4 years. Can we take it that you are known as an item, that people recognise that you are in a relationship?

What he said is indeed strange and is difficult to understand. Even if you were not in a relationship, going to an evening class in the company of another person is fairly unremarkable.

I really think you need to ask him what he meant. From what you say, he clearly does not know that he has upset you, so there is no reason why you should think there is any ill-intent in what he said. It could be a random silly thought (most of us manage that from time to time) or he might have a particular reason to be cautious of the people living near where the night classes are held: perhaps they tease him or give him a bad time.

But you won't know unless you ask him, because people here can't explain what was in his mind.

cafecolour

Yeah, I have absolutely no idea. I can take some wild guesses, but they'd be just that - guesses.

So you're going to ask him - "Hey, you said something yesterday that bothered me a little...what did you mean by it?". Be matter of fact, not dramatic/confrontational.

looksee

Has he ever shown any interest in art? It could just be that he really, really isn't interested in art and said the first excuse that came into his head. He may not have wanted to say straight out that he wasn't interested in art as he didn't want to suggest there was something you do not have in common.

(there's an awful lot of negatives in that sentence hope you can sort them out!)

Ask him, but it doesn't sound as though he is breaking off completely with you, just doesn't want to do the art course.