New Job Lunchtime Ethic!

Pippy1976

Some advice would be really welcome!

I've started work in a new company. It's all going really well. I like it and the people are all lovely.

The problem is they go out for lunch quite often - I try to say yes as much as I can but then, usually, when the event rocks around I really, honestly, can't afford it or something else has come up in the meantime. Also, after work events don't really appeal to me as I really love just getting home and relaxing or going for a run or doing my own thing. It's contract work so I always try to save as much cash as I can when I'm working so when I'm not working I can live!!

I guess the issue is I feel real awkward for saying no - which I shouldn't, I know. But, I'm afraid that, as it's a new job and I need to get to know people for my own sake (it'll make work more pleasant), they'll stop asking me after a while. As I said, I'm fine with my own company and most of the time would rather keep my money for bills and saving.

It just is feeling really awkward sometimes. There are heaps of other people who've worked here for ages and eat lunch at their desks so guess it's fine to not be a social butterfly! Example: an event planned to head to after work this evening, I was going to go and said yes but now that I've worked out my budget for the week I simply can't afford it. Now I have to say I'm not going. I feel bad - not that my company is so exquisite that they'll never get over it... but that it happens alot.

I have a few close friends that I'm really quite happy with and I'm not sure if I want to start gaining more!! What do you think? Anyone else got the same dilemma?

antodeco

Same in my place! I just tell them I brought it lunch and going to eat it here! If thats not good enough for people I just tell them I cant wait for payday because Im so broke!

tripper1963

i like that Antodeco a simple throw away remark about been broke should be sufficent. unlikely after that you should have any hassle Pippy

Pippy1976

I always say I have my lunch with me... as I always do! I just don't want them to think I don't want to be in their company - it's just I have priorities to not waste my money every day on lunches and social gatherings!

Do you guys find it awkward sometimes or are you happy enough to stay at your desk?

antodeco

Im perfectly happy to stay at my desk. I would eat at my desk 99% of the time. If you want, when you do get paid, go out for lunch with them! Make sure they are aware (subtly) that this a treat for you because you got paid! They will then understand that you are not avoiding them, and simply cant afford to always do it!

Pippy1976

Good tactic. Today, for instance, I got paid but didn't join them as I had something else I needed to do at lunchtime! Anyway, perhaps if they ask on Monday I'll join them but make it clear, in a subtle way, that it's a treat.

I'm perfectly happy to eat my lunch at my desk too.

velleity

If you don't want to say you're broke, because that info may be a bit to private to say to people you just met, could you say that you're cutting back on eating out because you're saving for something, like a holiday or car? Then you can go occasionally as a treat.

Denerick

I can definately relate to your plight OP. I generally do my own thing at lunchtime because I'm trying to save money. Every day I've the same routine - get a sandwich, buy a newspapers, sit somewhere and read it, zone out for the hour. Now my workmates are grand and everything but to be honest I think I've enough friends and don't feel a burning passion to make more! (The only thing we really have in common after all is that we work in the same office) Same for work parties and so on, I find them mildly excrutiating. I can be pleasant to them and whatnot but more likely than not I'll cope up with some excuse and not go. At this stage many of them probably think I'm aloof, maybe even arrogant ('Look at Denerick there, doesn't make any effort') But on the grand scale of things I honestly think I will (And they will!) get over it.

tatli_lokma

Or even on occasion you could politely decline cos of work, or yuo have brought lunch, but perhaps pop in 15 mins before lunch is over and have a coffee with them. That way you are making an 'effort' but not spending a fortune.

for some people, particularly younger folk, work is very central in their social sphere. So sociable lunches are quite normal. Also even when I think back to my 20's I was usually too lazy to make lunch! lol Now I am much more likely to bring my lunch. I often eat in the lunch room, but once finished head back to my desk and boards for a half an hour or so! :P

Does your place have a canteen or lunch room? if not then this is probably why they go out so much. Some people like to zone out at lunch to relax, others like to have a laugh and a bit of banter, particularly if the work they do doesn't give the opportunity for banter at their desk. In my old place lunch often involved a bit of a laugh in the lunch room. I miss that on occasion - not everyday but sometimes the light relief was great. Perhaps that is what the social types are after.

Don't get too hung up on it. People will not think you stand-offish just cos you don't go out to lunch everyday or to the pub every Friday. Once you are polite and friendly and appear to take an interest in people, pass the time in the lift or whatever most decent people will have no reason to think badly of you.

Pippy1976

@LittleTed our office doesn't have a lunch room or canteen. If you don't head out for lunch then the only place to eat is at your desk. Which is fine with me... I usually go for a stroll for 10 mins of fresh air.

Also, I have said that I'd pop in to lunch for a coffee a bit later on but then that feels awkward for me - arriving in on top of everyone mid-stream!

"Don't get too hung up on it. People will not think you stand-offish just cos you don't go out to lunch everyday or to the pub every Friday. Once you are polite and friendly and appear to take an interest in people, pass the time in the lift or whatever most decent people will have no reason to think badly of you."

Thanks for saying that... as that is exactly how I was beginning to feel. At 36 I should be comfortable saying "No" if that's what I feel like saying... and you're right about the 20-somethings and work being more central in their social sphere.

Wanderer2010

I have a smiliar issue where I work, most of the people are highly sociable and would be the first to ask you to play soccer, come out for drinks etc nothing wrong with that but the problem is if you dont do any of that stuff they kinda freeze you out and dont consider you "one of them", which was a bit painful at first as Im a social person when I want to be but prefer my own routine of work and evening activities and its not personal towards them but a good few of them probably see me as anti social etc. But as long as you be professional and do your job and be nice to people around you then you should be happy enough to just say "Im good having lunch here ta". Yes, they may consider you a bit aloof but over time if you are happy with your own routine then they will be as well. Good luck OP.

tatli_lokma

Pippy1976 wrote: »

@LittleTed our office doesn't have a lunch room or canteen. If you don't head out for lunch then the only place to eat is at your desk. Which is fine with me... I usually go for a stroll for 10 mins of fresh air.

that explains a lot. I also eat at my desk, but I work in a very easy going environment so there is a lot of give and take here. But in past places I would really need to get up and away from my desk at lunch if I wanted to feel like I had a real break. A lot of people don't feel like they had a proper break if they don't get out. And some people like to have a chit chat during that break to let off steam, etc. Same as some people will nip out quietly for a smoke whilst others feel the need to have a full entourage! It really is just preferences. But for the sake of office politics, try to at least go for lunch once in a blue moon - whilst it is good to keep some distance as you don't want to get drawn into a clique, equally you don't want to encourage others from excluding you and also meeting in social situation is sometimes how you hear about things, build relationships etc. You are a contractor, so it wouldn't do any harm to form some relationships whilst there as you never know when they will be useful to you when your contract is being renewed. I know its all a pain in the arse, but unfortunately thats the politics of a working life!

Pippy1976

Thanks a million! Sound advice... I'll make a concerted effort to join the crew now & again. You're right: in my line of work contacts and positive relationships with colleagues speak volumes.

It does seem to be alot of the younger employees (20-somethings) head out for lunch in gangs. The older set of us seem to be content to potter about and do our own thing.

Thanks all for the advice... I thought I was being stand-offish but judging by your responses this is common to want to be accepted but not get too involved. Soup at my desk today it is!

Little Ted wrote: »

that explains a lot. I also eat at my desk, but I work in a very easy going environment so there is a lot of give and take here. But in past places I would really need to get up and away from my desk at lunch if I wanted to feel like I had a real break. A lot of people don't feel like they had a proper break if they don't get out. And some people like to have a chit chat during that break to let off steam, etc. Same as some people will nip out quietly for a smoke whilst others feel the need to have a full entourage! It really is just preferences. But for the sake of office politics, try to at least go for lunch once in a blue moon - whilst it is good to keep some distance as you don't want to get drawn into a clique, equally you don't want to encourage others from excluding you and also meeting in social situation is sometimes how you hear about things, build relationships etc. You are a contractor, so it wouldn't do any harm to form some relationships whilst there as you never know when they will be useful to you when your contract is being renewed. I know its all a pain in the arse, but unfortunately thats the politics of a working life!

Pippy1976

An update for this thread... was asked to go for lunch today. Initially I declined but then said 'feck it, I may as well - one day out of the week'.

So I feel so much better, feel included and it was a breath of fresh air to get out of the office and have the chats. Deed done. For once anyway!

the_syco

Pippy1976 wrote: »

But, I'm afraid that, as it's a new job and I need to get to know people for my own sake (it'll make work more pleasant)

Pippy1976 wrote: »

So I feel so much better, feel included and it was a breath of fresh air to get out of the office and have the chats. Deed done. For once anyway!

Check if you can budget going out with them for lunch on Fridays? Have a goal that you're saving for, and use it as a reason, but at the same time, if you budget a day to go out for lunch, you may have the best of both worlds. If they goto the same place every day, check if said place has any day that it does specials on, and go out with them that day?