How Hard is it for Single Moms to meet guys?

MeadowLane

Hi, I am a single mom of a 15 month old.
I am just wondering is it a big deal for guys to date girls with babies/kids.
I am not currently looking for a partner as I feel my baby is too young and I am just not ready be with someone as I have a lot going on in my life and I don't have a good relationship with my ex and I don't think it would be fair to drag someone into my mess.
But guys is it a problem to date someone with a child and is it a case of being totally open at first or is it best go on a few dates before disclosing that kind of information.

Holsten

I'm sure it's different for each and every guy you would meet.

For me personally, no I would not date a woman with a child.

MeadowLane

Holsten
Thank you for your honesty - I agree I wouldn't date a guy with a child so I can't see a guy being open to dating me

strobe

MeadowLane wrote: »

Holsten
Thank you for your honesty - I agree I wouldn't date a guy with a child so I can't see a guy being open to dating me

Ah the bolded bit is just untrue. Single mothers have relationships with men all the time, it happens regularly, so don't have the attitude that a guy won't be open to dating you, they will.

That being said most men would prefer to date a single non-mom than a single mom, that's just reality, and lots of men would completely rule out dating a single mom, and like Holsten above I would be one of them, however it doesn't mean no men without children of their own simply won't date mothers. I've known several that have. It does happen and not in a one in a million kind of way.

Although the fact that you rule out men that have children when you have one of your own seems a little unwise maybe in terms of the potential 'pool' you have to choose from. Like I say I know childless men that would and have dated single mothers but it is definitely more common that single fathers would than childless men from what I can discern from my own personal observations.

blatantrereg

It's up to the individual. Guys over 30 or so often become much more open to it. The situation with your ex (and father of your child) would be more offputting to a lot of people tbh.

Dont know about disclosing the information to short-term dates. They might think you're telling them because you are interested in a relationship. If you dont tell them they might feel misled - though that wouldn't be that big a deal unless they actually were relationship candidates.

njs030

Always tell them you have a child! If you don't be upfront it gives the impression you're trying to hide it and it becomes a bigger deal then it needs to be.
I wouldn't mention it as part of a drunken conversation but if numbers are exchanged drop it into conversation fairly early on....make it casual not a big dramatic statement though!
I have a much older child than you and have rarely met a man who had an issue with my little one but there has been some, don't worry too much about it. Remember they are interested in you, not juniors latest exploit or the problems with your ex.
Good luck op.

Partizan

I had a bad experience with a single Mum that I vowed not to date one for a long time. About two years ago after a break up I met a lovely girl with a 6 year old daughter. I fell for her and dated for a few months. To cut a long story short she ended it because she told me that she couldnt give me the time. She had her own friends and her daughter which I understood but it made me feel third rate. After that, its a big firm NO.

njs030

Partizan wrote: »

I had a bad experience with a single Mum that I vowed not to date one for a long time. About two years ago after a break up I met a lovely girl with a 6 year old daughter. I fell for her and dated for a few months. To cut a long story short she ended it because she told me that she couldnt give me the time. She had her own friends and her daughter which I understood but it made me feel third rate. After that, its a big firm NO.

If you met a single woman who also couldn't give you the time because she had family issues/friends would you stop dating altogether? Bit harsh imo.

mtjm

different strokes for different people, I would date someone with chiild (and have done)

An Bhanríon

I hope this story will give you hope...

A man I know well met a beautiful woman when they were both in their mid twenties. She had a five year old child at the time. I don't know what went through his mind regarding the child at the time as I have never discussed this with him. What I do know is that he fell head over heels in love with this woman and she fell head over heels in love with him. He eventually met the son. A few years later when his work brought him abroad the girlfriend and son moved abroad with him where they spent around 3 years. They came back home and settled down together. The pair got married. At around the age of 13 the son asked this man could he call him 'Dad', as he had never known his biological father and felt his mother's husband was really his father. The boy, who is now twenty, refers to his mother's husband as 'my old man'. The pair went on to have a child together. He is now 4 years old. They are one of the nicest couples I know, have been through many tough times together, but I always come away smiling after spending time with them.

This may be an unusual story. But just to let you know that things like that do happen. A single mother need not think herself as being at a disadvantage.

And, yes, I would say it is best to be open from the beginning. After all being a mother is a huge part of your life. You can't just switch that off just because you are on a date.

May you have your own love story in the future.

LegacyUser

I am also a 'seperated parent', I am a mom to a 6 year old...
I posted something like your post about 3 years ago so I just wanted to give you how it played out for me....
When I posted, I asked the same question, and got a lot of disheartening answers... It took me another 2 years to realise why I was even asking such a question...
My confidence was completely shot.
I had come out of a terribly destructive relationship and my life had changed completely, and I was looking for other people to tell me where I was now to fit into the dating world as a parent! My advice would be stop worrying about what other people think!
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being a seperated parent, there are hundreds of thousands of them! Some by accident, some by choice, some by divorce, it happens!

I took a long time to myself, to find my feet not only as an individual, but also as a mom. I joined clubs, rebuilt friendships and got my career and homelife (shared parenting with ex) sorted... And then i opended my eyes to dating again... and met a couple of non-runners (just like ALL my single non-parent girl friends did and some still do!!!) but the... I randomly met a wonderful guy... same age as me (28) and handsome, caring funny and great!
He would be the first to admit that before he met me, he would never in a million years have answered your question with a 'yes'... but it didnt matter because he really liked me! I told him about my daughter straight away although he didnt meet her for months, but improtantly, i didnt have to hide it because i was proud of being a parent, proud of what i had achieved and he found that attractive because i was happy and liked him too!

So, to close... Dont take other peoples opionions on whether you tick a box in one specific area, because boxes dont matter when you meet someone you like! I hope that you can feel proud of being a parent and meet someone who respects you for it too!
Dont be disheartened but do know, you have to be happy in your own new shoes before you can be happy with someone else...!


Look after yourself and good luck,

ongarboy

MeadowLane wrote: »

Holsten
Thank you for your honesty - I agree I wouldn't date a guy with a child so I can't see a guy being open to dating me

I stumbled across a programme on RTE2 last night called The Love Clinic and it focussed on 2 women in Dublin (both in their 30s) trying to find love. One had a young child and she seemed to echo a lot of what you are saying OP. The programme had a psychologist, fashion consultant and some other lifestyle coach help the 2 women change their mindset and re-evaluate they way they have done things in the past that may have acted as deterrents to finding men.

Some of it was a bit "Dr Phil" but I think you should watch it online on RTE Player OP as some of the feedback the single mother got might help you. They even did a random spot interview of guys on Grafton St and the general consensus was that kids from a previous relationship did not act as a deterrent to being with a woman.

Ickle Magoo

Hey there OP,

PI is an advice forum for posters to get advice on a specific issue they are experiencing rather than a forum for general discussion or polling for views on a topic of general interest.

Boards has a Humanities forum for general discussions and a Parenting forum you might find a useful read/place to post.

As you aren't looking for a relationship and thus have no specific relationship issue you require advice on and have received some good responses already, I'm going to lock this thread.

If you need/want to know the remit of any forum, the charters can be found stickied at the top of the front page. The PI charter is HERE.

All the very best. :cool: