Advice for physio to ask ex-patient out???

Giggles1

hey all,
just looking for some advice re my asking an ex-patient out on a date? i works as a physio. have a huge crush on an old patient, and never acted upon it while he was my patient, but now that that his treatment is over i would love to ask him out on a date? problem is that i dont know for sure that he is single but my gut feeling is that he is, just based on a few things he said. anyone been in this position before? either as a physio or patient? what would you as a patient feel if your physio asked you out once the treatment was over, i know i'd regret this forever if i didnt at least ask. i've never ever thought about ever asking a patient out, and always thought that i never would but really want to ask him, any advice is appreciated, thanks

Tyrant^

Do it !

Dont know how I'd feel... If I was single and there was good vibes between us then I'd definitely go on a date with my ex doctor

If he reacts badly and makes an excuse... no big deal just be prepared for that response just in case.

DeltaWhite

You have nothing to lose worst case scenario maybe he isn't single and hey sure at least you gave it a shot go for it! No regrets!

Giggles1

Tyrant^ wrote: »

Do it !

Dont know how I'd feel... If I was single and there was good vibes between us then I'd definitely go on a date with my ex doctor

If he reacts badly and makes an excuse... no big deal just be prepared for that response just in case.

Thanks Tyrant, thats my only worry, that he would react badly to it, i would hate to think that he thought i was being unprofessional about asking out a patient but effectively he is now my ex-patient so i technically dont have any professional responsibility towards him from now on, just wish i had the liathroidai to do it!!!!!!:rolleyes:

Giggles1

DeltaWhite wrote: »

You have nothing to lose worst case scenario maybe he isn't single and hey sure at least you gave it a shot go for it! No regrets!

thanks DeltaWhite, thats what i'm thinking, if i dont ask i dont get!! thanks

DeltaWhite

Good luck rooting for you!!

m'lady

He's an ex patient so no issues there.. I'd say life is too short and just go for it- all he can say is no, in which case you move on and forget it....good luck!

njs030

Ask him!!! You'll always be wondering otherwise and he might be thinking the same but not sure if there's some code of conduct that wouldn't allow you to date.
The worst he can say is no and then you can move on!

Best of luck.

Ickle Magoo

Are you still in contact OP and if you aren't, how would you get in touch?

I don't see any ethical reasons for not asking out an ex-patient - but I would advise caution in using information you were only privy to in a professional capacity to contact patients out-with that capacity...and that's more to cover yourself than anything about dating him.

All the best

Big Bag of Chips

I work in a similar profession and was just about to post what Ickle Magoo said. I don't know would it be right to use his phone number to ring him if the phone number was only given to you on his form during a consultation.

If you meet him out socially then I don't see any reason not to ask him.

But I don't know is it ethical to use patient's records for personal use.

Penny Dreadful

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I work in a similar profession and was just about to post what Ickle Magoo said. I don't know would it be right to use his phone number to ring him if the phone number was only given to you on his form during a consultation.

If you meet him out socially then I don't see any reason not to ask him.

But I don't know is it ethical to use patient's records for personal use.[/QUOTE]

It is entirely unethical to use patient's records for personal use. If you call the (ex) patient up and ask him out even if he is single and was interested he could be really (and rightfully) annoyed at how you went about accessing his phone number. He could also make a complaint against you for accessing his records in this way.
OP if you want to ask him out find a way to accidently on purpose bump into him and take it from there. I would strongly advise against accessing the records to get his phone number / email address.

Re: him being an ex patient. I've often had physio treatment for injury X, finished treatment and so could be considered an ex patient. What happens when he gets another injury and needs physio again? Isn't he once again your patient or does he find another clinic to attend?

ZzubZzub

I'd tread very careful.

A close friend of mine was a community nurse. She cared for a lady, and got on very well with her son, she felt a similar vibe to that in your OP. Anyway, the lady was discharged from her care. She used her nursing records to get this mans number (N.O.K). Unbeknownst to her, he had just started seeing another girl. Who was also a nurse. And outraged that a professional would cross such a boundary. I refer you to the first sentence of this first paragraph, she WAS a community nurse.

If you meet him in a social setting, go for it! I would strongly advise not using his number from your files.

A very good point was made above, physio can quite often become ongoing thing! He may not need physio at the moment but 5/6/7 months down the line that could change!


If I was a patient, I would be horrified that a person in charge of my care used my information for such a thing, and I would report them without question.


Now. In saying that. It could potentially all end in a magical fairy tale. I suppose it's up to you if you think it's worth the risk?

shampooman

To side with caution is logical but jaysus I couldn't imagine the guy being offended over such a thing. Now if I were in his position I might be a little creeped out. Most guys (myself included) like to work for it and do a bit of chasing to get the girl. If I were you I'd check if he is on facebook, then check if you guys have friends in common. If you do great add him. Then send him a message something along the lines of "facebook suggested we be friends so I thought I'd make your day " Facebook does genuinely suggest friends so it wouldn't really come across as creepy especially if you included a light,breezy tiny bit cheeky message with it. The comment will give him a hint that you are interested but he wont be totally positive. This will allow you to drop hints and make him chase you if you want to go down that route. Also facebook will more than likely give you an insight into his relationship status.

The above is one way you could do it without using details from the screening form. As mentioned above you could always "bump" into him out and take it from there Best of luck and you should totally go for it!

Reesy

Maybe I'm being naive, but could you call him up to check on his injury, show some interest in him and see how the conversation goes? If he's at least pleased to hear from you, then the risk of causing trouble by asking him out would be less. And if he's all business, then go no further...

LegacyUser

OP, absolutely do not ring this guy up about his injury& then become flirtatious! Or indeed ring him up at all, being flirtatious.
It's not what you're doing, it's how you're doing it- namely, you retrieved his number through work, not personally.
If he'd given you his number, or been in any way come-hither, fair enough. But effectively, ringing him out of the blue, you're "cold-calling"& there's a massive risk it could backfire. He may not have much of an issue, and may not report you, but at the very least, he could tell friends/family about it, and they may deem it very unprofessional& you could lose business over it. (Put this way, is a male friend/brother of his then going to come to you for treatment if they feel you may phone to proposition them afterwards?)
If you can manoevre a situation where you meet him socially, & he makes a play for you/there's chemistry, whole diffferent ball game.

LegacyUser

Knowing a thing or two about your profession, I feel your pain having these feelings and being in the position you are in as the risks are apparent. On the other hand, sometimes life just gives us these challenges to overcome. It's uncommon enough for the girl to ask the guy out, let alone having to worry about the whole ethical issue.

I'm assuming you got to know this guy over a period of many sessions and not just one or two. Trust your instincts. If you think the feelings are reciprocated, he won't mind you doing the chasing. The chances of him feeling affronted are tiny and in fact, he may be racking his brains for ways of asking you out having the ethical question of how to ask out his physio without her pushing a panic button!

The good news is my brother and his fiancé met under similar circumstances. I couldn't think of a happier couple. Do it. Even if you have to contrive circumstances or use Facebook or a spurious follow-up. No regrets.

beks101

I dunno, flipping the situation I would be more than a little freaked out if someone I had contact with only in a medical capacity contacted me out of the blue and asked me out.

I had it happen with a work contact & while I admire the balls of it in hindsight, my initial reaction was one of complete shock/panic and 'how unprofessional'. If you can forge some sort of a social connection to him - EG find out where he hangs out and strategically bump into him etc - I think that would be the better approach than cold calling the guy and putting him on the spot. That way maybe you can remove the link of 'physiotherapist' that he has to you and put yourself more on a 'friend' level - far less chance of freaking him out that way.

a posse ad esse

Hi OP,

As I don't know your whole situation. How old you are, how long have you been working in your field? When was the last time you treated this patient? These things do make a difference on how you look at the picture.

I am a nurse for quite some time and there were situations where I developed feelings with patients under my care or their family members. When I started working in this profession, it was quite hard to be honest. Talking with other nurses who were much older and more experienced gave me the important insight on how to deal with this and conduct myself. Crushes do come and go and when you learn how to hold back it will make things easier for you in the future because there will be other patients where feelings may develop again. We are human after all. I always kept the mindset of how unethical and unprofessional it is to pursue a (former) patient, or their family member. I am not sure how often it happens in physio but in my line of work, it is not uncommon to see a patient again afterwards. This does not mean that health care professionals never dated or married former patients or family members. It was done very carefully over a specific time frame. Time frames vary between each medical profession. I know for fact that in psychiatry and oncology there is no time frame. It is an absolute no and grounds for immediate dismissal and termination of licence. For physio, it is different (you have to go to your licencing board to really find out).

Most patients know that health care professionals are not going to ask them out and if a patient developed feelings, it was they who would be the ones pursuing, not the health care worker. I know of some in my line of work who dated and some that married former patients or family members.

I do suggest going to your professional order and consult the ethics board regarding this subject matter because it will save you your job and professional reputation along the line. I don't want to sound insensitive either OP, you will get over him. I have gotten over my feelings I had with some in the past. It comes with the job and it is one of the annoyances working in the caring profession. However, having been through it a few times in the past I have learned from it and know when and how to move on and focus on my work.

Giggles1

hey guys, thanks for all the advice, i really really appreciate it all,most people i've been chatting to about it have just said go for it but majority of them dont work in the medical profession, i would absolutely hate it if he thought i overstepped the mark professionally after contacting him once the treatment had finished, i <snip> have seen thousands of patients at this stage, i have never developed a proper crush on a patient as much as i have with him and know that this isnt just a passing phase, i know that i would love to meet up with him in a social sense however i could not/would not use the personal details he gave me as he gave them to me in professional confidence and not on a personal level. it isnt a matter about not wanting to do it cause i'm very much a 'carpe diem' type of person but i just could not overstep any professional line even though he isnt my patient any longer. <snip> i think i am going to have to meet up with him in a social sense, think thats the only proper way to go about this and then get chatting to him properly and hopefully dredge up the courage from somewhere to ask him out, thanks again for all the advice xx

a posse ad esse

Giggles1 wrote: »

hey guys, thanks for all the advice, i really really appreciate it all,most people i've been chatting to about it have just said go for it but majority of them dont work in the medical profession, i would absolutely hate it if he thought i overstepped the mark professionally after contacting him once the treatment had finished, i <snip> have seen thousands of patients at this stage, i have never developed a proper crush on a patient as much as i have with him and know that this isnt just a passing phase, i know that i would love to meet up with him in a social sense however i could not/would not use the personal details he gave me as he gave them to me in professional confidence and not on a personal level. it isnt a matter about not wanting to do it cause i'm very much a 'carpe diem' type of person but i just could not overstep any professional line even though he isnt my patient any longer. <snip>i think i am going to have to meet up with him in a social sense, think thats the only proper way to go about this and then get chatting to him properly and hopefully dredge up the courage from somewhere to ask him out, thanks again for all the advice xx

I don't discourage you to "bump" into him in a social setting outside the clinic but I would be very careful asking him out yourself. It could still backfire. What if he said no and went to complain? It's a big risk and not worth it in my opinion. It would be better and less complicated if he asked you out instead. If he clicked with you as much as you did with him, there is the possibility that he would ask you at some point. Take it slow. Do you know of other physios that you can confide in that went out with prior patients? Maybe ask them what they did or how it happened? I never once asked out a former patient or said yes when they asked me out. I never felt comfortable with it. Thankfully being married now, this is no longer an issue.

Giggles1

a posse ad esse wrote: »

I don't discourage you to "bump" into him in a social setting outside the clinic but I would be very careful asking him out yourself. It could still backfire. What if he said no and went to complain? It's a big risk and not worth it in my opinion. It would be better and less complicated if he asked you out instead. If he clicked with you as much as you did with him, there is the possibility that he would ask you at some point. Take it slow. Do you know of other physios that you can confide in that went out with prior patients? Maybe ask them what they did or how it happened? I never once asked out a former patient or said yes when they asked me out. I never felt comfortable with it. Thankfully being married now, this is no longer an issue.

i suppose if i bumped in to him socially i would hope that we could just chat away, i would now consider him a friend that if i met up with i would have no problem chatting to, even without the thoughts of asking him out, i have met several patients while i'm out and we've both kept it to a simple hello and thats it, i would hope that if i bumped in to him that it would just be like 2 friends chatting, and that is just based on how we got on while he was a patient, on the other hand if he blanks me then i have my answer and would not attempt to pursue it any further, it wouldnt be an issue for me as to how we first met because effectively he is in my past but if i did meet him now it would be just be like meeting up with an old friend and catching up, and he wouldnt be able to complain to anyone as i dont have a professional responsbility towards him anymore, <snip>, i discharged him about a month ago but my want to meet up with him has not feined at all, thats why i'm still eager to at least meet up with him on a social sense!!!!:)

castaway_lady

He's going to think you were having 'impure' thoughts while carrying out his treatment. If he has a girlfriend/wife you're taking a big risk here of them taking the hump and making a complaint.

Id have a facebook snoop, see what you can find out and see if you can engineer an accidental social meeting.

LegacyUser

Has he done or said anything to make you think he might be interested? What's his body language like? Has the conversation ever gone beyond the weather and the match etc.? Have your interactions been anything beyond strictly professional? Have you seen or do you have any hope of seeing this guy socially since his treatment ended? How long did the treatment last?

Giggles1

wonderin' wrote: »

Has he done or said anything to make you think he might be interested? What's his body language like? Has the conversation ever gone beyond the weather and the match etc.? Have your interactions been anything beyond strictly professional? Have you seen or do you have any hope of seeing this guy socially since his treatment ended? How long did the treatment last?

hi wondering, personally i've always found it hard to interpret hints/signs based on what guys may or may not say so unless he came straight out and said he was interested in me i wouldnt really know if he was, i just know that this was not a typical patient-physio appointment as it was just so easy and more like 2 friends meeting up and having a chat than anything else, his body language showed that he is quite a shy guy and once you get him chatting he would open up, our conversations varied from <snip> to<snip>, again it was like 2 people having a normal chat and who i just so happened to be providing medical treatment to, my personal and professional actions were exactly that, i never broke any professiona boundry and kept the focus on his treatment at all times, i was treating him for about <snip>, weekly at the start then would phase out the last few sessions to check how is progress was, at the end of the final treatment session he just said how thankful he was for all the physio i provided, extended out his hand to shake my hand and completely unexpectedly gave me a kiss on the cheek!!! <snip> this has never happened nor have i ever ever wanted to meet up with an ex-patient in a social capacity. i have not contacted him outside of a physio capacity since i officially discharged him from my care, i am interested in your response based on the questions you've asked, thanks,

LegacyUser

Giggles1 wrote: »

...this was not a typical patient-physio appointment as it was just so easy and more like 2 friends meeting up and having a chat than anything else, his body language showed that he is quite a shy guy and once you get him chatting he would open up, our conversations varied from <snip> to <snip>, again it was like 2 people having a normal chat ..... i never broke any professiona boundry and kept the focus on his treatment at all times, i was treating him for about 4 months,.....he just said how thankful he was for all the physio i provided, extended out his hand to shake my hand and completely unexpectedly gave me a kiss on the cheek!!

All of the above only cements the 'go for it' sentiments above. Knowing this new info, I really don't know why you're dithering about this. I don't doubt you've been anything but completely professional and it sounds like he was the one taking the big chance by kissing you... at work, of all places! Hardly common for any shy Irish guy I know!

Having kissed you and had such exceptional rapport, ask yourself how shocked you'd be about being asked out if you were him. In fact, now that the dust has settled a bit, I think you could send him a FB message inviting him to some match or other. Tell him a bunch of your friends are going and you have a spare ticket. Something like that could be seen as being completely innocent on the off chance that you've got it all wrong. I know it's easy for me to say but I really think it sounds like you're pushing an open door with this guy.

BoardsMember

I'd play it safe and suggest you get a drink the next time he is in with you. That gets past the issue with using a patients records to contact him.

Penny Dreadful

BoardsMember wrote: »

I'd play it safe and suggest you get a drink the next time he is in with you. That gets past the issue with using a patients records to contact him.

That is not playing it safe. You cannot ask a patient out on a date you just can't.

BoardsMember

I dont mean straight out, I mean very strong hints that you guys should meet up, that you coming in always cheers you up, that you're free this evening or whenever, talk about going to a match, just get the job done If you like each other, regardless of how shy he is, he'll pluck up the courage.

The alternative is to find out where he socialises and stalk him....

m'lady

What about calling him by 'mistake' get a conversation going and not about his health/work related and see where it goes from there?
Maybe casually mentioning a movie you are dying to see or a bar you would like to go to? Or take the bull by the horns and just ask him, I really can't see any guy making a complaint if anything he should be really flattered, even if he says no..

Penny Dreadful

m'lady wrote: »

What about calling him by 'mistake' get a conversation going and not about his health/work related and see where it goes from there?
Maybe casually mentioning a movie you are dying to see or a bar you would like to go to? Or take the bull by the horns and just ask him, I really can't see any guy making a complaint if anything he should be really flattered, even if he says no..

To do that is inappropriate and unethical though.

Giggles1 wrote: »

hi wondering, personally i've always found it hard to interpret hints/signs based on what guys may or may not say so unless he came straight out and said he was interested in me i wouldnt really know if he was, i just know that this was not a typical patient-physio appointment as it was just so easy and more like 2 friends meeting up and having a chat than anything else, his body language showed that he is quite a shy guy and once you get him chatting he would open up, our conversations varied from <snip> to <snip>, again it was like 2 people having a normal chat and who i just so happened to be providing medical treatment to, my personal and professional actions were exactly that, i never broke any professiona boundry and kept the focus on his treatment at all times, i was treating him for about <snip>, weekly at the start then would phase out the last few sessions to check how is progress was, at the end of the final treatment session he just said how thankful he was for all the physio i provided, extended out his hand to shake my hand and completely unexpectedly gave me a kiss on the cheek!!! <snip> this has never happened nor have i ever ever wanted to meet up with an ex-patient in a social capacity. i have not contacted him outside of a physio capacity since i officially discharged him from my care, i am interested in your response based on the questions you've asked, thanks,

OP I've been thinking about your situation and following this thread and have come to the conclusion that I think you should just park this and leave it alone.
If the guy was as keen on you as you think he was/seemed to be then he would have either asked you out by now or found some way to accidently on purpose bump into you again. I think its too big a risk to your career and your reputation to ask him out for what may be nothing at all.
If you do ask him out and he says no you've more than likely lost a client and also the potential clients as who knows who he may tell. He may also lodge a complaint against you and its not worth that.
Sorry to be a killjoy:(

Giggles1

thanks everyone for the advice and the replies, its great to get all different views and to not make a massive mistake by doing something that i shouldnt!!!!! the overwhelming driving force behind this is that he is the only only only patient (and current ex-patient as i have discharged him) i have ever wanted to meet up with, and for me i know that means that this isnt just a whim or a random small crush!!!!! i really dont want to go down the lines of using any of the personal contact details that he gave <snip> to contact him, its totally uncool and unethical to do such a thing and i would never do that, <snip>
again thanks everyone for the advice and any more is welcomed, fingers crossed that i get to bump in to him soon, thanks again

lofty wiseman

I've posted this exact question in reverse (I'm the male patient she's the female doing deep tissue work on me) in the gentlemens lounge forum and how different my replies are to the OP has me in stitches lol.
Lads saying its "wildly inappropriate" "it's way waaay off" and a fella saying basically how terrible it is for people working in the service industry getting hit on/asked out and how it's such a woeful cross to bear (I'm taking the piss but it's words to that effect) . For some reason I automatically assumed grown women (especially attractive ones) can handle the pressures of being causally asked out .
I never saw a problem since at the end of the session it's me who's setting myself up to be shot down ..
And in reply to SOME of the replies on this topic here ; the day a man feels violated by being asked out by a woman pigs will fly

Big Bag of Chips

Thread is 5 years old, lofty wiseman. Also PI is an advice forum rather than a discussion forum. Have a read of The Charter to familiarize yourself with the forum format.