IN LAWS AND FAMILY DRIVING ME MAD !

fruslady

Hey guys, Im new to this so bare with me !
Basically my partner got a site from his mam before i met him, so we built a house on the site 4 years ago, everything was fine while we were building the house UNTIL we moved into the house its like the whole family has turned against us.
His mam and 2 brothers live 1000 metres away and are very close. this would have been fine if we were all still getting along, basically how it started was my partners brothers fiance started rumours about me to the neighbours around and then when we confronted her about it she denied it and even brought the neighbour down to my partners mam and said i was a big liar, (HOWEVER SHE APOLOGISED IN FRONT OF MY PARTNERS BROTHER )this happened literally the day we moved into our new home .. she doesnt live with my partners mam or her fiance which is very strange to say the least because my partners brothers best friend even told us she was spotted with another man , my partner told his mam and even said where we heard it frm but my partners brother doesnt believe it ... she is poison and is spreading rumours left right and centre , she doesnt live down near us but when she does decide to go dwn to her fiance with their child she causes havoc, its like she is never happy and always involved in our business.. it even came to the stage last week when i was out walking with another neighbour over the road , she passed on the way to wherever she was going back to, but that night my partners mam said for us not to be going to the neighbours that it was upsetting her, even though she is rarely down here.. im at my wits end at this rate, i dont have children but im starting to think it would be a very dull future around with the begrudgers... any advice people and apologies for the essay .. i need to VENT !!!!!!!! :-).. I also think she is afraid that im telling people around that she is cheating because i think she knows myself and my partner know what she is at ...

Big Bag of Chips

Sorry to be harsh, but it all sounds very childish. And very 'he said, she said'.

If your partner's brother's best friend thinks your partner's brother's girlfriend is cheating on him, why didn't he tell his best friend? Instead of his best friend's brother? It's not even clear from your post who saw her with someone else.. just that the friend said 'she was spotted'? By who? Someone else, who told him? And why did your partner tell his mother? Too much talking behind people's backs going on...

She sounds a bit childish, and if you can see it, plenty others can too. So maybe not everyone believes her stories and rumours.

Just ignore her. You don't have to have anything to do with her. You don't have to get involved.. if your partner's mother asks you not to visit your neighbours because it upsets the other one ask her why does it upset her? And ignore it. Call to the neighbour if you want... What's she going to fo about it?

The problem here is everyone seems to be telling everyone else things, and nobody actually talking directly to each other. That can only allow for misinterpretations, misunderstandings and misquoting.

I have a general rule and it is, unless I witness something, with my own eyes and ears I believe very little of a 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th hand story.

In your situation everybody is getting 2nd and 3rd & 4th hand stories. The best way to handle these types if situations is just not get involved in it, at all. If people gossip to you, don't offer opinion. Don't agree or disagree. Don't pass on stories that you hear. Change topic to something else.

And if you have a genuine grievance with someone either try sort it out, or just stay out of their way!

Beruthiel

fruslady wrote: »

its like she is never happy and always involved in our business.. it even came to the stage last week when i was out walking with another neighbour over the road , she passed on the way to wherever she was going back to, but that night my partners mam said for us not to be going to the neighbours that it was upsetting her, even though she is rarely down here.. im at my wits end at this rate, i dont have children but im starting to think it would be a very dull future around with the begrudgers...

Why are you getting involved in this?
That's a serious question.
It all sounds so utterly petty. Childish. Playground antics.
Why are you lowering yourself to it?
Why are you not getting on with your life and doing your own thing?
Why are you not just leaving her be to do whatever she does and just rise above it.

decmanning

Karma is a bitch, it will come back around and bite her in the back side eventually, women like her are always outed in the end!!

Meauldsegosha

So she is spreading rumours about you and you and your partner are spreading rumours about her. You all sound as bad as each other. Grow up, stop talking about each other and get on with your own lives.

hoodwinked

Beruthiel wrote: »

Why are you not getting on with your life and doing your own thing?
Why are you not just leaving her be to do whatever she does and just rise above it.

This is all you can do,


having been through it with my own inlaws (horrible rumours being spread about me, then both of us)

we ignored it,

at our wedding she turned up in the top of her wedding dress, we ignored it and enjoyed our day, its all you can do.


afterwards we did momentarily let our anger take over but quickly remembered the saying

"if you lay down with dogs be prepared to catch flea's"

so we continue to ignore it, its all you can do when someone chooses to act like a spoiled child towards you.

take the high road and walk away, its harder when you live next to them but you just have to grow a thicker skin....



oh and you can walk with neighbours if you want to, don't go pandering to their childish demands.

nowyouresix

Jeremy Kyle could help....

Ickle Magoo

nowyouresix warned for unhelpful posting.

This is an advice forum where posts are expected to be mature, civil and constructive - please keep replies on topic and helpful to the OP.
Be aware that off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum.

If you haven’t done so already, please take the time to read the [URL=" http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056181484"]forum rules[/URL] in the charter.

Many thanks.

As per site policy, if you have an issue with any moderator instruction or request please contact a relevant moderator via PM - DO NOT drag the thread further off-topic by responding on-thread

fruslady

Beruthiel wrote: »

Why are you getting involved in this?
That's a serious question.
It all sounds so utterly petty. Childish. Playground antics.
Why are you lowering yourself to it?
Why are you not getting on with your life and doing your own thing?
Why are you not just leaving her be to do whatever she does and just rise above it.

Im not getting involved in anything im being dragged into alot of things, i only went for a walk the other nite and yet it was made a big deal!? ... i dont go in her way but yet it seems that she wants to be in my business the whole time !

fruslady

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

Sorry to be harsh, but it all sounds very childish. And very 'he said, she said'.

If your partner's brother's best friend thinks your partner's brother's girlfriend is cheating on him, why didn't he tell his best friend? Instead of his best friend's brother? It's not even clear from your post who saw her with someone else.. just that the friend said 'she was spotted'? By who? Someone else, who told him? And why did your partner tell his mother? Too much talking behind people's backs going on...

She sounds a bit childish, and if you can see it, plenty others can too. So maybe not everyone believes her stories and rumours.

Just ignore her. You don't have to have anything to do with her. You don't have to get involved.. if your partner's mother asks you not to visit your neighbours because it upsets the other one ask her why does it upset her? And ignore it. Call to the neighbour if you want... What's she going to fo about it?

The problem here is everyone seems to be telling everyone else things, and nobody actually talking directly to each other. That can only allow for misinterpretations, misunderstandings and misquoting.

I have a general rule and it is, unless I witness something, with my own eyes and ears I believe very little of a 2nd, or 3rd, or 4th hand story.

In your situation everybody is getting 2nd and 3rd & 4th hand stories. The best way to handle these types if situations is just not get involved in it, at all. If people gossip to you, don't offer opinion. Don't agree or disagree. Don't pass on stories that you hear. Change topic to something else.

And if you have a genuine grievance with someone either try sort it out, or just stay out of their way!

No you are totally right it is very he said she said ! ... we often questioned why we were told by his best friend and dragged into it , we ddint want to hear any of it at all!... its crazy i didnt go out of my way to near any one but people just seem to want to be in my business the whole time... talking about my work scenario etc etc i could go on but trust me by all means i dont gossip about anyone and i wouldnt be on this if it really was getting to me , ive been trying to ignore it for the last few years but lately (i think because she recently had the child 2 years ago..) she is constantly in our face and starting trouble ... -(

skepticalone

its simple really , ignore her . She will soon tire of having no reaction . By being affected you are actually enabling her with this nonsense . Both you and your man should simply ignore any sniping or tattle telling back to the family .I imagine your mother in law is sick to her eye teeth listening to this petty nonsense . Do yourself a favour . Ignore .