35 weeks pregnant and overwhelmed

Kaylami

Hi all

Really just need to have a vent about how I am feeling before I crack up!

I'm currently 35 weeks pregnant with no.2 and just feeling completely overwhelmed & annoyed.I was just diagnosed with suspected spd and have to start physio next week,
I'm still working 40 hours a week at the least, and not finished up for another 2weeks. As I am the main breadwinner taking my maternity leave early was just not a option.

I have a lovely 3 year old who I love to bits but to be honest is a monster at the moment. (terrible threes maybe)

My other half as been offered a weeks work and fair enough we need the money but it's not set hours and he doesn't know what time he'll finish up each evening yesterday he started at 7am and got home at 9.30pm.

Today was my dayy off and with the pain from the spd even getting the little one ready for school was a nightmare so I rang himself and asked when would he be home the response I got was "I don't know" this turned in to a huge row ( I blame the hormones) and he informed me he wouldn't be coming home at all,

All I want is some support he doesn't seem to realise that between being pregnant , working , the spd and full time mammy that I need his help a bit more and his support a lot more.

Ok rant over my apologies for the long rambling post but I am at my wits end!

vicwatson

It'll be all worth, look into your 3 year olds eyes and see it'll be worth it.

PS - tell your partner to shape up or ship out, sorry to be harsh but.....

Rachineire

Aww I'm so sorry. I'm not in the same position but I can sympathize how tough it must be to have that much pressure on your shoulders! And in pain to boot if pregnancy wasn't uncomfortable enough! No real advice besides just be kind to yourself- try and see if a friend or family member might help you with your 3 year old and take a little pressure off. I would also give the husband the what-for. Sometimes they need to be reminded how tough it can be to try and have all those balls in the air! Best of luck and I hope you get a break soon!!

Princessa

Hi Kaylami.
I am 26 weeks pregnant with no.2 and i have a little girl who will be 3 in Nov. I have SPD since 17 weeks and have been on crutches since and I am in and out to physio every week to two weeks since i was diagnosed at 17 weeks.
I know exactly how you feel, i have been signed off work as i am on the crutches and wouldnt be allowed to work etc but that means i am at home with the little one all the time. My OH works 10 hour days 5 days a week.

I totally understand how frustrated you feel, i cant drive. My mobility is extremely limited, i am managing to get around from place to place but i am always sore. Ive gone from being independent to feeling totally dependent on others for their help and it is very tough.

If you are 35 weeks, could you talk to the consultant about being induced at 37 weeks? Babies are pretty much term by that point. I am going to ask to be induced at 37 weeks and see what they say.

Do you have a heat pack? Also i know its tough but try to avoid aggrivating the spd. Try not to open your legs, keep them together as you get out of the bed and car, try not to lift anything heavy, dont stand on one leg, avoid stairs if you cant take them very slowly one leg at the time.

I think you need to sit down with the OH and tell him how you are feeling, how sore and overwhelmed you are with everything.

When i have my really sore days and basically i am just fed up and teary i always tell the OH how i am feeling so he can have some understanding of what i am going through.

Pm me if you want to chat or anything.

Moonbeam

*hugs*

I found it really really hard working,commuting,looking after 1 year old,house and doing everything else too and I only worked a 3 day week after #1.
You are nearly there now and tiredness,stress and hormones and panic have all set in big time and it looks like you are suffering but think of the maternity leave and being at home with your 2 lovely children.
Also think of the benefits of your husband getting the few days work,every little helps.

2xj3hplqgsbkym

Kaylami you poor thing (and princess). I too am in a similar situation so know how it feels.
Luckily for me I know I am having a section so I have a time line for the spd to (hopefully) be finished (and replaced with a different pain!).

Keep your legs together- so ironic huh:-) but it really helps when turning in bed or getting in and out of car or bed.
Sit down in the morning when getting dressed, doing hair make up or when you are preparing food.

Buy some new 'sitting down toys" for your toddler online so you can sit while he/she plays. I've been letting my 2 year old lie beside me in bed while we play toddler games and look at nursery rhymes on you tube ( don't judge me! Anything for a break from the pain at 38 weeks).

as regards to your partner- how annoying that he acts like that just when you need the help and support. Can't tell you what to do there but try not to let him get to you- you have enough to worry about.

Call in favours- ask someone to take toddler for your next day off if only for a few hours.

Or get a babysitter/cleaner, i did this last week even though i can't afford it. It was so worth it for your health and your sanity.

Hope you feel better soon.

ariana`

Hi, i am in the same position, 35wks & have a 2.5yr old who isn't quite a monster but is a handful through no fault of his own he's just busy, busy, busy. My husband is a star however his working day is long and i do find the mornings in particular hard, getting myself & my little boy out the door for creche/work by myself when he wants to play and is resisting nappy change/dressing/getting in the car.

Can you take a few sick days or can you pull in help from elsewhere - don't let pride stop you. Parents/siblings/in-laws/friends/neighbours? Anyone that can help you for a little while before or after work? You need to look after yourself now, it's the final stretch thankfully you're nearly there, i know that's no real comfort cos i'm sick of hearing it msyelf but we really are so nearly there now, our babies will be in our arms in no time.

And you need to sit husband down and tell him how you feel, cry your heart out on him, he needs to know, they'll never fully "get it" but you need to let it be as obvious as you can that you're struggling and you need him to be there right now. If he can't physically be there for you because of work then he needs to be more supportive on the phone & keep you informed of his day, i think if you feel he's doing his best to get home to you then you'll feel better.

I hope things improve for you xx

Kaylami

Thanks for all your replies.

I spoke to the other half last night he agreed to try and help more.

I rang him today and asked could he come home for 1 hour to mind little one while I went to the gp ( he only works 5 mins away cutting trees for a friend if his so not a proper job) he got so mad saying hes busy and can't come home everytime I can't be bothered to take her with me.
I just hung up on him and then sent him a text saying I'm fed up of not being supported ( and a few choice swear words)

Am I over reacting here?

The gp told me to take it easy keep up the physio and the crutches and they will see about inducing me at 37 weeks. I'm in so much pain I just want this baby out asap!

Bad day altogether

Princessa

At least there is talks about inducing you at 37 weeks. Are you asking to be sectioned or just induced?

I am going to talk about being induced at my next apt and i will only be 29 week ha they will think i am mad but this soreness would drive you mad.

Do you have any other support besides the OH? Any friends? Family? Its very tough. I def agree with crying your heart and sole out infront of him.

Nice to know that there is a few others in a similiar position. I sit at the table with the little one and we have puzzles, play dough and coloring so we are managing and she likes sitting up watching a cartoon with mammy. I do wish i could do more with her.

I had physio today and my pelvis is alligned now thank heavens so i just have to continue with the excercises, rest, all the precautions of not standing on one foot, opening legs etc for the next few weeks. If i find that the pressure of the baby is too much in a few weeks then i am to ring her straight away. Been in and out to physio for ten weeks now so just have to continue myself with all the bits ive been taught as i am only 26 weeks so theres not much more they can do for me.

Hope you are feeling a bit better after getting it off your chest OP.

Kaylami

I spoke to my dad earlier and had a good cry. I feel much better emotionally knowing other people are struggling to I feel like a really bad mammy not being able to play properly.

I know it's just a bad patch and it will all be worth it in the end.

Thanks everyone! Any tips on dealing with spd will be much appreciated?

Princessa

I feel the same Kaylami, i feel terrible that i cant play and take her off to the park and lift her onto the swings or even go for a walk with her. Shes the best little girl, she has just accepted and adjusted really well to all this, but i feel terrible.

Having a bit of a teary day myself today. Dont want to be upset around her so once shes in bed i am going to wash my hair, get in my pjs and have a good ole cry i think.

Get yourself a heat pack for down there.

Kaylami

I went to work today (6.30 am start) and behaved like a anti-Christ all day my manager then bought me a cake feeling v ashamed of myself but much happier!

OH did all the washing & ironing last night so I might let him out of the doghouse so to speak.....

Were will I get a heatpack what type & how does it work? Doctor knew nothing really have to wait to see physio or midwife to ask all these questions?

Princessa

You could get them in the chemist, i was given one in the hospital, you just pop it in the microwave for a min and put it on the area when you are resting.

Its very important to keep your knees together when you are getting out of the car and when you are getting out or rolling in bed, pretend your knees are superglued together and use your bum and turn your body to do movements like that. It might help if you go up the stairs sideways if you know what i mean, slowly raising one leg at a time. You can take paracetmol too. Your phsyio will show you excecises to strenghten the core muscles around the pelvic area too. I was told by my physio to get a birthing ball, dont know if you have one of those and try to sit on that aswell. It can be quite uncomfortable as you have to have your legs open somewhat to balance yourself but apparently its fantastic for the pelvis. No standing on one leg, sit down to put on pants, socks, undies etc. Hope these helps, they are just little tips to make things more managable. Def go invest in a heat pack or ask your physio can you have one from the hospital i dont think they are re usuable, i was just told to take that one.