devastated

LegacyUser

Hi all,


Everyone has probably heard this before but i feel like i need to say it.

I have been seeing someone for the last few months and we have recently called it quits/ put it on hold because he is under a lot of pressure in work and university and has never been free to meet up over the last few weeks. He wants to be friends for now and it sounds like he does but i dont think i can be friends with him right now... He said that when he finishes his course in the new year we could maybe try again but i dont think i could trust him again.

I'm trying to cut off all contact with him, but we have mutual friends so i'm afraid of bumping into him, i've also tried to stay active, it just feels strange because up until the last week or two it seemed like it was going to be serious and he was making plans to do stuff in a few months time..

I don't know what to do, should I try to drop him completely and move on because I don't want to hold out hoping for something better in the new year?

handlemaster

goinginsane wrote: »

Hi all,


Everyone has probably heard this before but i feel like i need to say it.

I have been seeing someone for the last few months and we have recently called it quits/ put it on hold because he is under a lot of pressure in work and university and has never been free to meet up over the last few weeks. He wants to be friends for now and it sounds like he does but i dont think i can be friends with him right now... He said that when he finishes his course in the new year we could maybe try again but i dont think i could trust him again.

I'm trying to cut off all contact with him, but we have mutual friends so i'm afraid of bumping into him, i've also tried to stay active, it just feels strange because up until the last week or two it seemed like it was going to be serious and he was making plans to do stuff in a few months time..

I don't know what to do, should I try to drop him completely and move on because I don't want to hold out hoping for something better in the new year?

All very normal stuff. You sound like you are in your late teens to early twenties. This is part of relationships. We have all done that. It can be to much and not enough all at once. Give him space. You will meet someone and so will he if its not going to happen. I think you should drop him completely if you can't move on, it will get easier. If he is interested he will be back. Nothing like a seeing your ex with another guy to get you thinking...

SunnyDub1

if someone cares enough for you and wants you in their life they will make the time and effort no matter what the situation is.
I have friends who work and attend college but will manage to make time for their partners, even if it is only a few hours a week.

In my honest opinion, he just gave you the easiest excuse to get out of the relationship.

He told you to wait till the new year to keep his options open. Do you really want to be in relationship where the ball is always in his court.

Move well away and on. Forget about him. Don't wait around. Try avoid him and keep busy.

Getyourjacket

HI goinginsane, i could of written your exact post approx one month ago! Things were going great with the OH (together 6 months) and out of the blue decides he doesnt have time for a relationship as he had many other committments within work and outside work and just didnt have time to fit 'me' in. I was shocked to say the least as i didnt see this coming. But once the shock of it all wore off and i did a lot of thinking about the situation i realised that he actually just didnt want to be with me because if he did he would of made time for me. The realisation of that hurt deeply and he too gave me the line 'oh maybe some time in the future'!! But as the previous poster said he's just keeping his options open. I've realised that i will never go there with him again as i cannot trust him again tnot hurt me. So i've done my best to move on. I've completely cut all contact which is obviously very difficult to begin with but i need to move on and i've come to the conclusion that this guy just wasnt the one for me.
Best of luck but you can get through it

Buncha Fives

Getyourjacket wrote: »

But once the shock of it all wore off and i did a lot of thinking about the situation i realised that he actually just didnt want to be with me because if he did he would of made time for me. The realisation of that hurt deeply and he too gave me the line 'oh maybe some time in the future'!! But as the previous poster said he's just keeping his options open. I've realised that i will never go there with him again as i cannot trust him again tnot hurt me.

This sums it up he cannot be trusted and so you need to do your best to move on...its a hard blow to take when someone means a lot to you and you think you mean a lot to them and then they just drop you out of the blue for no apparent reason, most of us have been through it at some stage or another but the best thing you can do is mark this persons cards and realise they are not the right person for you.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice guys, ome of my friends have said the same thing to me and its finally starting to sink in that he wasn't the right guy!! I'm doing my best to distance myself from him like deleting numbers and hiding his news feed on FB.... my only issue is that we have a similar group of friends so there will be times in the future when we bump into each other. I'm not sure how to react if i see him again as im kind of going through different emotions at the moment about the situation, i'm currently on anger.. but anyway is it best to distance myself from going out on nights out when i know there is a possibility he will be around?

HeyThereDeliah

goinginsane wrote: »

Hi all,


Everyone has probably heard this before but i feel like i need to say it.

I have been seeing someone for the last few months and we have recently called it quits/ put it on hold because he is under a lot of pressure in work and university and has never been free to meet up over the last few weeks. He wants to be friends for now and it sounds like he does but i dont think i can be friends with him right now... He said that when he finishes his course in the new year we could maybe try again but i dont think i could trust him again.

I'm trying to cut off all contact with him, but we have mutual friends so i'm afraid of bumping into him, i've also tried to stay active, it just feels strange because up until the last week or two it seemed like it was going to be serious and he was making plans to do stuff in a few months time..

I don't know what to do, should I try to drop him completely and move on because I don't want to hold out hoping for something better in the new year?

I know you are hurt and disappointed but to give him some credit he ended the relationship, he could have strung you along seeing you when ever but he didn't, you said he is busy with work and uni so maybe he is under pressure and needs to get his act together.
Don't cut him off friends are important and if ye get back together you will feel bad for ignoring him.

Getyourjacket

I wouldnt avoid going on nights out if I were you, because of what your going through you need your nights out with your friends to let you hair down, so my advice would be put your best dress on and look absolutely fabulous,,,that'll get him thinking . ...