how to get over fear

LegacyUser

hi

i am in my 20s and friendless. i am in a relationship and have been for a while now, i love my partner dearly and while we don't live together we do see each other most days.

i'd like to make friends of my own, due to illness i isolated myself from everyone and as a result i lost my friends. i've done some courses and find it difficult to make friends. i don't drink, i don't like being in pub/nightclubs, they just aren't my scene at all.

i do go out every now and then with my partner, but not often as neither of us have much money, we prefer to sit at home with a nice home cooked meal and a movie or something. when we do go out together we usually come home early as my partner knows i am not into the nightclub scene or spending evenings drinking myself silly. it doesn't bother me if he goes out with his friends and goes to clubs etc, i know he enjoys it and it's good and healthy for him to be out with the lads too.

i'd just like some friends of my own, just someone i can call up and go for a coffee or some lunch with.

i am not a member of any social clubs due to lack of money and in my area there are few clubs around anyway. i don't drive and don't have the money for taxi's to clubs outside my locality.

due to bad experiences in the past i find it difficult to make friends, i am very quiet and reserved and don't have much confidence and i tend to just sit quiet and not interact much, i am terrified those bad experiences will happen all over again and i really don't want that which is why i tend to sit quiet but i'm getting sick of that now.

the people whom i had bad experiences with are friends with everyone and i really don't want anything to do with them which in a way scares me from making friends in my area.

i've had counselling for my issues and my therapist has said the only way to get over that fear of the bad experiences recurring is to make new friends and in a way, learn to trust that those issues won't repeat themselves. she was right, i know that, i just don't know how to get that courage to make friends in my area .

it sounds so very very stupid but its really getting me down.

thanks for reading.

LegacyUser

meant to say can anyone offer advice please

RossFixxxed

First off: there is nothing stupid about it. You feel bad, and there's absolutely nothing remotely stupid about that. Your own wellbeing should be your number one priority and that's a good thing.

Seeing a therapist is a good idea, but maybe look at alternative forms of therapy. You seem to be making progress and maybe something more hands on / interactive might be a good step. I'm not making any specific recommendations but just as an example some CBT combined with a therapist/psychologist who will keep in contact from time to time and offer some light 'life coaching'. (I hate the expression life coaching, so if you are cringing don't worry, I just mean someone who will give you the odd phone call, or pop on to an Instant messanger and see how you are doing and offer pointers and encouragement).

Maybe you could volunteer at a local animal shelter or some such and meet some people and do something satisfying? Or take up a musical instrument and meet some fellow newbies at that? It's hard to know what's in your area, but you'd be surprised the things people do in their spare time, and where you can meet new people!