Best Friend

LegacyUser

Well Im just on here to rant really. Also I feel I need some second opinions... p.s. this is a bit boring but im baffled at my best friends attitude.

I have been diagnosed with cancer recently, told my best friend she called me we spoke about it on the phone, I asked her not to tell many people, that she could telll her mum and boyfriend, but that I would prefer if she kept it from people i wasnt close to or whatever for a few weeks while i get my head around things. didn't hear from her again for two weeks (she sent a private facebook message) , all fine.

Rewind two years ago I fell out with a mutual friend of ours who I have not had any contact with have not heard from at all since we fell out two years ago. Then out of the blue I get an email from this girl saying how she wanted to be friends again..this long emotional email...anyway my natural reaction (and an unfair one I admit) was to think that my friend may have let it slip to this girl as it was too much of a coincidence that she emailed at this time having not heard from her.... so I texted my friend and asked if she had told her...and well she said no...I said sorry for asking but that i just thought it was a coincidence. She said not to worry..but I could tell a little that she wasn't too pleased that I had thought it so i apologised again.

anyway I felt bad about the whole thing of asking her ..anyway i was starting chemo two days later and was distracted by that (bare in mine my best friend has not asked me when I am starting chemo ...how i am or anything in this time)

Two days after my chemo I decided to send her a facbook message telling her how i had my first chemo session , how it was quite rough and I was still recovering, but like added in normal news and asked how she was etc i also said that she could tell our mutual friends if she wanted to that i was okay with that now. After I sent the message she started liking things on facebook, posting about how she had a great night out the previous night, but never replied to my message...and hasn't...that was over a week ago, instead all i got was yesterday a text from her giving me a heads up about telling the girl i fell out with that i was sick and thats why i had not replied to her plea to redeem our friendship (nothing about how i was doing after my chemo or anything) so I replied "not even going to ask me how I am no?"

anyway she said sorry that she thought i only wanted to hear about the other thing...and only then asked me how i was doing...anyway we texted away with news and things.

despite our friendly exchange yesterday I can't help but still thinking she really does not care..is this normal behaviour? am i expecting too much of my so called best friend to not get annoyed at me too much for a silly misunderstanding when I have just been diagnosed with cancer? I live in London she lives in Ireland..I also kind of feel like if she really cared she might have made an hours trip to come and see me? Am I over reacting?

ABajaninCork

I'm really sorry to learn of your illness and wish you a speedy recovery.

I wouldn't be too hard on your friend, though. It's a huge shock to anyone, and I think she's still coming to terms with it. I don't think she doesn't care. Rather, she's trying to find a way to cope with the news. Instead of Facebooking and texting, why not call her?

I wouldn't worry about it too much for now. I would focus my energies on fighting the illness and my recovery.

The very best of luck to you.

Lorna123

There is no accounting for how people react to other people. I had a friend, not a best friend mind you, an old school friend, who was diagnosed with cancer and I was very interested in how she was doing, and she cut me off. She obviously didn't want me enquiring how she was, so you never know whether to keep on asking or just ignore it, so maybe your friend is trying to just carry on as normal and not make a big thing out of this. I find it a bit strange though that she is not a bit more sympathetic. Maybe she is not as close a friend as you like to think. You are now living in London and she lives in Ireland so maybe she feels that you don't have a lot in common anymore. It doesn't excuse her thoughtlessness though.

Also, when we are going through a traumatic experience, like you are, we can often zone in on ourselves and overthink things. I have every sympathy with what you are going through and I would like to think that I would be there for you at this time. If you need to write in about your experiences that would be fine with me. I wish you a speedy recovery.

LegacyUser

OP here, yes perhaps I am being too harsh, I think perhaps you are right when you say we are not as good friends as I think. This might be a time for me to accept that we aren't as close as we used to be and perhaps she knows this and feels a little uncomfortable that I still chose her to tell and to confide in.

I think I just feel really confused and hurt by the whole thing, I honestly don't think its her having trouble coping with it.

We have always had this relationship where i feel I am apologising for saying something stupid and getting her really mad and feeling like im tippy toeing around her and her getting mad at me asking if she had told that other girl about my illness - and me spending all my energy trying to make it up to her. ...

maybe this is just one friendship I just need to move on from, let it fade away like it probably should have a while ago, me being sick just seems to be highlighting the fact that we really aren't that close anymore.

ABajaninCork

awfulfriends wrote: »

OP here, yes perhaps I am being too harsh, I think perhaps you are right when you say we are not as good friends as I think. This might be a time for me to accept that we aren't as close as we used to be and perhaps she knows this and feels a little uncomfortable that I still chose her to tell and to confide in.

I think I just feel really confused and hurt by the whole thing, I honestly don't think its her having trouble coping with it.

We have always had this relationship where i feel I am apologising for saying something stupid and getting her really mad and feeling like im tippy toeing around her and her getting mad at me asking if she had told that other girl about my illness - and me spending all my energy trying to make it up to her. ...

maybe this is just one friendship I just need to move on from, let it fade away like it probably should have a while ago, me being sick just seems to be highlighting the fact that we really aren't that close anymore.[/QUOTE]

Then maybe this is what you should do. Don't waste energy chasing after lost causes. Focus on fighting your illness instead.

canireally

I would have to disagree op. You are currently going through a rough time, and by ignoring you and pretending its not happening, it makes it easier on your friend but not you. I recently went through cancer also and the sad thing is you do find out who your friends are. U have every right tobe upset over how she is treating you, I see that it must be hard to know your friend has cancer, but you actually have cancer, its much harder for you. You are not over reacting try to spend your time people who care and actually want to help you x