Nastypersonnot - Mod Warning Post #1

LegacyUser

As the title said, our nieces and nephews are brats. We thought it might be a once off thing but we've just spent a weekend with them and their parents are not in control of them. They range in age from six to one year and without exception they rule the roost. Their parents spent the entire time pandering to them, cleaning up after them and making excuses for their appalling carry on. We're left with a house in chaos, some broken items and a sense that we don't want our child around them! But family being family, we're stuck with them. We're quite strict parents and the grandparents tend to be quite indulgent and permissive, but we don't want our child turning out like those we had over this weekend. How can you maintain a respectful distance without explaining that we don't want our house overrun with bold behaviour and parents who can't seem to impose discipline?


Mod Note:
All - the OP came here looking for advice, not judgement.
If you feel obliged to just offer judgement please note you will be posting in breach of our charter and will force us to take action appropriately.

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Taltos

Ellsbells

It's very harsh calling a one year old child a brat!!! obviously the parents are at fault for not making the kids house friendly so the best thing you can do is not invite them again.

Btw, I always think pride comes before a fall when it comes to parenting do I wouldn't get too smug if I were you.

Merkin

What age is your own little saintly incarnate? Kids, and especially busy toddlers, can be destructive little whirlwinds and discipline and instilling manners is ever so important but I'm stunned at your post. Are you essentially asking how you can extricate yourself from your entire family because their offspring are a bit bold? Lest they influence your own perfectly behaved offspring? I am all for raising kids strictly and fostering respect but kids are kids and regardless of the control you impose kids will often choose their own path. Depriving your child of their cousins company because you think they are bold is madness. If you're that opposed to them then don't invite them to your house so that they can break stuff but don't deprive your child of spending time with their cousins, just meet elsewhere....am with Ellsbells here and will agree that pride definitely comes before a fall.

Gooner111

Am only guessing here but sounds like it was a family event. Someones bithday maybe? Kids get excited at family things especially with a group of other kids and all them hyped up on treats etc. They go all out!! Managing them can be difficult when they are like that. Judging from what you've posted it seems like you had the family event in your house. The way to stop your own place getting destroyed is to not hold events in your own home. Meet up with them in a park or public venue. You won't have to clean up afterwards and can ignore the other kids behaviour. As for times when your expected to go to their houses, well you can just make excuses and skip it or suck it up! I don't know how close your family is but usually only a couple of party meet ups per year so should be managable if you don't want to skip.

rainbowtrout

My god, what is wrong with the rest of you, you're being very harsh on the OP. I see this kind of behaviour in school all the time, parents who will not discipline their children or take any sort of responsibility for their behaviour, and backing them to the hilt no matter what their child does.

It's one thing for a child to knock something over by accident while running around but it's another if they are breaking things on purpose. I don't buy the 'ah but they're only children'. Most children are perfectly capable of good behaviour if it is backed up by the parents and if there are consequences when they behave badly. The OP is well within her rights to expect her belongings not to be broken or damaged by visiting cousins.

OP, if I was in your place I would reprimand the nieces and nephews if they do something out of line in your house on their next visit. Your house, your rules. It doesn't have to be confrontational. It can be quite simple. If you're having dinner a simple 'No one gets dessert until they've put their plate in the sink/dishwasher' and wait for them to do it. If their parents don't like it they know where the door is.

estar

hi there

if it is your sister or brothers children why not approach them over time, asking them how they are etc and they might confide that they are stressed or worried about this situation

then you can offer some helpful tips if you have any

parents are very busy these days, and have so much on and so much pressure it can be easy to get over whelmed and just let the children run wild leaving the school or creche to pick up the slack

you will be far more useful having empathy and trying to understand them rather than coming at it from a place of judgement

if you row in with an implied - your children were naughty control them attitude you will alienate them

Taltos

All - the OP came here looking for advice, not judgement.
If you feel obliged to just offer judgement please note you will be posting in breach of our charter and will force us to take action appropriately.

If anyone has not read the charter recently please do so immediately to ensure your posts do not result in the loss of your access to this forum.

Thanks
Taltos

NeonCookies

Hi OP,

First of all, I don't have kids so I don't know how feasible this suggestion is but it's just my idea! I know kids get over excited sometimes, especially when visiting cousins and things, but it should be made clear to the kids "Your house, your rules". When I visited people's houses as a child, I respected their rules. At home, I was allowed to have food / drink in my bedroom, in some of my friend's and cousin's houses they were only allowed in the kitchen, for example. So, I followed the rule. Kids have to get used to this, as adults we also have to modify our behaviour depending on where we are!

To help with this, you could make a "Rules of the House" chart - maybe get your child to help you make it as a fun activity with glitter, stickers etc. When the cousins (and other children!) come to visit, first they read the rules. e.g. No running in the sitting room because it has a lot of ornaments. This sets the boundaries. If you wanted you could add in consequences for breaking a rule e.g. time out or no dessert etc. Now, I don't think this would really work for a 1 year old, but hopefully they would follow their older siblings example.

Obviously, no need to be overly strict with this. Kids will be kids and accidents do happen, we all get over excited but hopefully this could help to stave off actual "bad behaviour"