How do I do this?

LegacyUser

Hiya Folks,

I am a long time poster however I am going to go under the radar here if that's okay as I am personally known on boards.

I would be pleased to verify myself via my registered name to a MOD by PM if they so desire.


Here is my problem.

I go to a popular supermarket either Saturday or Sunday every weekend. I am a single 30 year old male. Every time I go there when I am ready to check out I end up landing in front of the same young girl. I'd say she is about mid twenties and stunning!

Anyway, it's the same old score, she does the scanning thing, I do the paying thing and when waiting on my card to clear it's generally "So are you going out tonight?" "How's the weather outside?" and so on..... and the kicker. She hands me my receipt and basically gives me a look that sets me up for the week knowing that next week I get to go in there again and do it all over again and chat to her.

I am doubting myself here typing this now but I get the impression from her every time that she is single and interested and as such, I want to ask her out.

She told me where she is going this evening and I was kind of half thinking of going too just to have a chat but frankly, I don't think that is a good idea. It's not the place you'd just be passing and I told her I was going elsewhere anyway...

Every time I am talking to her while she is working there is always a Q behind her and for her sake and my own, I don't think asking her at the till is going to go down too well.

So I am looking for advice on how to ask this girl out.

I realise that she could be just a very attractive lady who is highly professional and friendly at her job and I have taken it up wrong but frankly, I'd like to know either way.

I was thinking maybe I should pay by cash next time and attach a note saying "Can I ask you to go for a drink with me sometime" and put my number onto it or should I just hand her an envelope saying "read me" and basically explain that I'd like to take her for a drink sometime and explain why therein.

Maybe they are good ideas and maybe they are rubbish. Maybe I will have to go to a different Supermarket next time, maybe I won't.

I would really, truly and honestly appreciate the feedback from men who think they have the approach to this or females for their valued perspective on the same.

Thanks for reading. I genuinely do appreciate it.

LegacyUser

Do not ask her out or make any move when she's at work. I work in a supermarket also and it's part of our job to be nice to customers, it makes my job so much easier when a nice customer comes along that I can make small talk with, it doesn't mean l'm attracted to them it just means I like to chat to friendly people who chat back. Sometimes I'v had great chats with people who I have no clue who they are, I get used to the regulars who've come in for years and chat to them and I still don't even know their names.

Personally I'd be a bit weirded out by a note or envelope attached to the money. I'd also be put in a really uncomfortable position if someone asked me out while I was working. Best bet is to meet her out some night and try and chat to her, or next time she says where she's heading out say your going there too and see what she says.

cantdecide

Note? V.bad idea. Definitely don't do this...

Just ask her out, man. If she says she's going to a place that night just tell her you were planning on going there that night too and 'would you let me buy you a drink if I see you there?'. Or just take a big swallow and ask her if you could meet her for coffee some time. What's the worst that could happen? People ask other people IRL out all the time.

gara

I understand why you might be cautious about doing something so unconventional but I think the slipping her a brief note with your number is the way to go -worst case scenario, she says no and at least then you'll know -go for it, you have nothing to lose and there might be a lot to be gained!

gara

PS: I think the note works on the basis of being discreet and gives her time to think, which she won't have and might feel quite cornered if you ask her whilst she's working with a queue forming!

cantdecide

SuperMarketAttraction wrote: »

... and when waiting on my card to clear it's generally "So are you going out tonight?" "How's the weather outside?" and so on..... and the kicker. She hands me my receipt and basically gives me a look...

gara wrote: »

PS: I think the note works on the basis of being discreet and gives her time to think, which she won't have and might feel quite cornered if you ask her whilst she's working with a queue forming!

I think the OP has a clear window of opportunity from what he's saying. I've asked a few people IRL out a few times and I can say it's never been anything other than positive even when I've been turned down. I think people admire those who think beyond the usual pub/ club thing.

Also, I think if he hands her a note with his number and she doesn't call or text, I hope the OP has another supermarket nearby.

purplepapillon

Just ask her out. My last relationship started this exact way, at the supermarket checkout. I would say that we had had a few longer conversations at times when the shop was less busy in the evenings. But he asked and I said yes, and although it's finito now, I don't regret it.

Personally I wouldn't like the note idea. I got a cinema ticket with a guy's number on it before. We had never spoken really in depth, and it made me think he wasn't comfortable or confident actually asking me and speaking to me. I always respect people who ask, because it shows a confidence they have in themselves (not that they're going to get a yes, but that they can ask and a yes or a no is ok, obviously with yes being preferable!).

So, advice is possibly try a quieter time, or try to catch her on the shop floor, as sometimes management will ask staff at tills to put back returns from behind the till (usually at a quieter time).

Good luck!

Lorna123

I definitely would not slip her a note because if she says no then she has that note to show to her pals and your number is on it, which leaves you quite vulnerable. I just think it is better for you if she doesn't have all this in writing. What I would do is go to the same place as she says she is going to some night and that will give you a much clearer picture of what is happening in her life. She might be there with her b/f. If she is there with female friends it would be a much easier environment to approach her and have a longer conversation which could lead to whether you want to ask her out or not, and if you do ask her out and she says no then no harm done. You just walk away with your dignity in tact. So far you haven't really had any indepth conversation with this girl, it has all been on the surface and you might see her in a different light in a different environment. Hope it works out.

Katy89

hi OP, not a man here, but think a womans' perspective is equally valid

For me the idea with an envelope is very good, discrete and shows manners. you are not putting her in an awkward situation, she can open it whenever she wants and has time to decide whether she wants to contact you.

it might come across very direct but personally I like that. and whatelse option do you have? going around to the place where she's going out is more sneaky in my opinion and she might not be there at all.

with the letter she can only react or not react and you'll have your answer straightaway.
be brave:)

cantdecide

Katy89 wrote: »

hi OP, not a man here, but think a womans' perspective is equally valid...For me the idea with an envelope is very good, discrete and shows manners. you are not putting her in an awkward situation, with the letter she can only react or not react and you'll have your answer straightaway.

Ask yourself this; you're at work and picture some guy you have absolutely NO interest in whatsoever (I mean he has adult acne, a whiff of BO, a few extra stone and is wearing last year's Penney's finest) slips a note with his phone number on it. He stands over you as you read it and you must answer. What is your reaction?

A lot of the question here is whether the girl is being flirty or not. If she is just being friendly and the OP is misreading it, would he really want documentary evidence?! If she is being friendly/ light/ flirty, as she is with everyone else, there's an exchange of words and without breaking the tempo, he drops some kind of suggestion of coffee or a drink. The flow of conversation is retained and if the answer is negative, he still has room to charm his way out of it and retain his dignity.

CdeC

A few good answers here but in my opinion I think if you are confident and up front she'll like that best.

Here's what you do.

Go up when you are the only person there, chat to her as normal and ask her what she's up to. Then simply say to her. "I'd love to take you for a drink if you're interested" She may be a bit taken aback but so what. Then have your number ready on a piece of paper just to hand to her so there's no awkward typing into phones and then she can contact you if she wants.

At least you'll know. She'll feel great as it's a huge compliment. You'll feel great because you had the balls to ask her right to her face and then maybe a date will come out of it.

Be brave, worse thing is she says no and you're no worse off at all.
Good luck.

dellas1979

CdeC wrote: »

A few good answers here but in my opinion I think if you are confident and up front she'll like that best.

Here's what you do.

Go up when you are the only person there, chat to her as normal and ask her what she's up to. Then simply say to her. "I'd love to take you for a drink if you're interested" She may be a bit taken aback but so what. Then have your number ready on a piece of paper just to hand to her so there's no awkward typing into phones and then she can contact you if she wants.

At least you'll know. She'll feel great as it's a huge compliment. You'll feel great because you had the balls to ask her right to her face and then maybe a date will come out of it.

Be brave, worse thing is she says no and you're no worse off at all.
Good luck.

Totally agree - preparation is everything! Please, please dont go the note route. It kinda smacks of lack of self confidence/shyness. Face to face, when its quiet is the way to go! Maybe just buy 2 items so that its quick and painless (the last thing you want is to be standing there with a load of shopping/packing shopping if it doesnt go well).

PS: I think its sooo cute that you want to do this, and any woman would be flattered. But stay away from the note.

purplepapillon

dellas1979 wrote: »

Totally agree - preparation is everything! Please, please dont go the note route. It kinda smacks of lack of self confidence/shyness. Face to face, when its quiet is the way to go! Maybe just buy 2 items so that its quick and painless (the last thing you want is to be standing there with a load of shopping/packing shopping if it doesnt go well).

PS: I think its sooo cute that you want to do this, and any woman would be flattered. But stay away from the note.

Totally agree with this! Was thinking what if I received the note and was working in a shop. I would be most likely to say "oh you must have put this in with your cash by mistake" thinking you were handing me a twenty from your wallet and this was your piece of paper. That would be embarrassing if you had to then say, "oh no, that's for you".

The note thing is a definite no-go. The girl wont know what to do with herself when she gets it as she wont be sure its for her. Also, hands putting paper into pockets doesnt look good at a till. I do think it smacks of unconfidence too.
If i were you, next time I was talking to her I would tell her where YOU are going that night. Somewhere local and ticketless. Tell her it's a great place and she should try it sometime. If she's been dropping hints, she's sure to turn up with a little bit of notice at least. Puts the ball in her court and avoids any weird vibes.

nlk

OP I would agree with others that a note might make you more comfortable but could make her uncomfortable or seem quite a juvenile gesture. I also wouldn't be mad about someone asking me out in work.

I don't think you should leave the ball in her court in any way as you are the one asking her out so the onus should be on you to take the initiative.

If I were you I would initiate a similar conversation to the one you had before- ask her if she's heading out, if so where is she going and then when she tells you where she's is going say 'Oh I've been meaning to check that place out/ was planning on heading there myself/I might see you there later'.

This way you can assess her response and if she doesn't act horrified that she might see you later I would head along with a mate, and I'm sure you can work out the rest from there!

Best of luck

decmanning

OP i personally think you are reading this all wrong, she is paid to be friendly and have good customer care skills and unfortunately i think you are just another one of these customers, in reality the only thing she has really ever asked is about the weather or your plans for the evening, this is very general and basic chit chat which her manager probably encourages her to use, i think if she was interested she would have said something a little stronger than just chit chat however if you think i am wrong and want to go for it i wouldnt be handing over any envelopes or passing notes becasue i suppose number 1 the security or other employees might see it as a ransom (you really dont want to go there) and 2 i think its a bit creepy for a young lady to be receiving an advance in such a way and she may be freaked out, just play it cool and ask her out for a drink

LegacyUser

Hi folks.

Firstly thank you one and all for the very kind feedback.

I understand the points being made that she could well be just a very friendly person who has a chat with people as they come and go and to be honest, there is a good chance that this is just the case.

In saying that, I made a vow of no regrets some time back and I don't really intend breaking that. Life is too short for regrets tbh. She could say no. I would go elsewhere and embarrass her no further and let that be that knowing that I picked it up wrong. SHe could say yes, happy days. I get a date out of it and get to learn a bit more about this girl and see how things go. One things for sure, I'd like to ask and as I don't see her or know her from anywhere else in the area I am going to bite the bullet and ask her in work.

The reason for this thread was to sound out how I should go about it. I don't want to make this lass feel uneasy especially in her work place nor do I want to embarrass her in front of her work mates and customers hence the note idea.

I've put a lot of thought into what is being said back to me here and I am inclined to agree that maybe a note being handed to somebody who is working very closely with cash may well not be a good idea. The idea behind that was as she is generally always busy when I am there and to avoid embarrassment.

I am a confident bloke and well able to accept rejection. If I get knocked back I am pretty sure I will be able to survive but I would like to know if this girl is interested in going for a drink with me. In saying that, I don't know of a bloke who still doesn't go a little red when asking a girl out. No matter how big, bold and confident you may well be, it doesn't really get any easier if you ask me.

So I thought about how I can go about asking her out face to face without causing her embarrassment and or getting her into trouble.

I go there on peak days for any Supermarket, I'd imagine. The majority of people shop on these days so that would probably explain the Q behind me.

I am going to try and go in there toward the end of the day during the week for a Milk and eggs run. See how I get on and if it is relatively quiet (and she is working) then I am going to bite the bullet and ask the question. I will be discreet and have my number relatively ready (not to look to cocky) If she says no then there's another store from the same chain relatively close by for the cooling off period.

Once again, I have been reading this thread with great enthusiasm and I must say the responses received are well thought out honest opinions and I very much do appreciate them.

I'll check back once I've done this if that's okay and let you all know how it went and if anybody has anything to add before I ask her then please feel free to do so.

Once again folks, thank you very much for your time.

cantdecide

maltesers123 wrote: »

Do not ask her out or make any move when she's at work. I work in a supermarket also and it's part of our job to be nice to customers, it makes my job so much easier when a nice customer comes along that I can make small talk with, it doesn't mean l'm attracted to them...

It would be a sad and cynical world if you would only be nice to people if you were paid to and you have to be unpleasant to people in case they might like you. If you are a nice person, wouldn't it better that people like you and want to ask you out because you're a nice person?

SuperMarketAttraction wrote: »

....In saying that, I made a vow of no regrets some time back...

Frickin' A. It could all be over tomorrow and no one ever died of embarrassment. Life is not about worrying about making a faux pas, it's about these moments. Whatever the outcome, you won't regret doing this. Make sure you let us know how you get on...

DangerMouse27

I say do it!

Life is there for living and all your doing is asking her out. It is a compliment! Maybe it does not go well but at least then you do not wonder, what if?

It actually shows a lot of courage and guts to do it, trust me, I know.

Just bide your time and an oppertunity will present itself to talk to her a little bit more.

dannyc31

ask her out man, lifes too short. few rules thou. do not do it by handing her a note and walking away, this is just creepy, she might be put off completely by this. 2. do not do it with a massive Q behind you, you'll only embarrass her and make yourself more nervous if it develops into a little chat after you've asked her out and everyone behind you starts getting impatient.

i presume you've checked her left hand to make sure there is no ring on it too?

my advice go in there when it is quiet. go up to her ask her how she is this week? ask her does she have any plans for the weekend, then just throw in line "fancy going for a drink sometime?" maybe ask for her facebook since you obviously know her first name from the name tag it will be easy as all you'll have to remember is her surname. that way you can add her later and if she accepts you then ask for her phone number on the chat option in facebook.

best of luck with it mate, do it for all us not so brave men

amtc

I went out for a while with a guy who I saw on the bus for ages, and he lent me his Evening Herald with his number on it. He turned out to be a complete nutcase.

I'd arrange to bump into her somewhere....and ask if she wants a drink, or find out when she finishes work and ask her for a coffee.

sReq | uTeK

You should ask her out there and then, done deal but do it when no-one is around. Try and catch her when she leaves her till to bring something back to the shop floor.

ash23

Don't go with the note. She is handling cash. It might look suss if she takes cash from you and then pockets or bins a note (obviously it wouldn't be cash but from a distance it wouldn't look great).

She told you where she was going to be. Go along and see if she is there and talk to her.

Nothing more uncomfortable than someone trying it on while you're working. Better to try and meet them in a different environment. Also, the fact that she told you where she was going (provided she wasn't lying), it's actually a positive thing. I would never tell someone I was going somewhere specific in work unless I was hoping to see them there.

Just read your post and asking her face to face while it's quiet is good too. Just make sure nobody is within earshot.

Young_gunner

Def don't go with the note, ask at a quiet time if possible. best of luck

cloud_dancer

A guy came up to the counter in work one time and we were chatting from my desk while another colleague was looking after him. He spent a lot longer than necessary asking me different questions about everything then he went off. I had a feeling he would come back and he did, motioning discretely for me to come up to the counter. I was kind of in the view of my other colleagues so it was a bit awkward. He asked if I'd like to go for a drink with him some time. I didn't know what to say as I didn't want to get myself in trouble so he slipped me a note with his name and number on it.

I ended up texting him and we went out for a drink I'd say go with the note option but say something discreet as you hand it to her so she knows it's for her. She probably won't look at it until she next gets a break but at least you'll know either way and she won't be embarrassed in front of customers. I wouldn't put her on the spot in front of people or risk getting her into trouble.

skinny1980

SuperMarketAttraction wrote: »

Hiya Folks,

I am a long time poster however I am going to go under the radar here if that's okay as I am personally known on boards.

I would be pleased to verify myself via my registered name to a MOD by PM if they so desire.


Here is my problem.

I go to a popular supermarket either Saturday or Sunday every weekend. I am a single 30 year old male. Every time I go there when I am ready to check out I end up landing in front of the same young girl. I'd say she is about mid twenties and stunning!

Anyway, it's the same old score, she does the scanning thing, I do the paying thing and when waiting on my card to clear it's generally "So are you going out tonight?" "How's the weather outside?" and so on..... and the kicker. She hands me my receipt and basically gives me a look that sets me up for the week knowing that next week I get to go in there again and do it all over again and chat to her.

I am doubting myself here typing this now but I get the impression from her every time that she is single and interested and as such, I want to ask her out.

She told me where she is going this evening and I was kind of half thinking of going too just to have a chat but frankly, I don't think that is a good idea. It's not the place you'd just be passing and I told her I was going elsewhere anyway...

Every time I am talking to her while she is working there is always a Q behind her and for her sake and my own, I don't think asking her at the till is going to go down too well.

So I am looking for advice on how to ask this girl out.

I realise that she could be just a very attractive lady who is highly professional and friendly at her job and I have taken it up wrong but frankly, I'd like to know either way.

I was thinking maybe I should pay by cash next time and attach a note saying "Can I ask you to go for a drink with me sometime" and put my number onto it or should I just hand her an envelope saying "read me" and basically explain that I'd like to take her for a drink sometime and explain why therein.

Maybe they are good ideas and maybe they are rubbish. Maybe I will have to go to a different Supermarket next time, maybe I won't.

I would really, truly and honestly appreciate the feedback from men who think they have the approach to this or females for their valued perspective on the same.

Thanks for reading. I genuinely do appreciate it.

Whatever you do - note or just speak to her and ask her out - if you want to have any chance of something romantic you are going to have to do something or else just avoid her completely.
You will get nowhere if you don't take a chance.
This is no time to be thinking about being oily and smooth or worrying if you say the wrong thing or come across as a stuttering wreck.
You are just not willing to go out on a limb.
If you do something and she rejects you it is not the end of the world.
You can shop elsewhere and there will be other women.
Your problem is you have got it into your head your options are limited.

LegacyUser

Right so folks,

It took me over a month to get the nerves up to do this and to actually find the right time and did it I did.

I was in there last week and she was the only person on the cashier and there was no Q (FINALLY)

We chatted, the same old, "how are you etc etc etc" and I said, "I'd really like to take you out on a drink sometime, if you'd like that.....?"

I think she was a little bit taken aback so I asked her if I could give her my number..... She agreed and I handed it over.

We've been texting and had a few chats and frankly, she doesn't seem keen. I asked her out for a drink and got told that she is not long out of a relationship and that she doesn't really do dates and is just out for fun at the moment but that I am a nice guy etc etc and should keep in touch.

I've been around the block enough to know the signs so I think I will respectfully write this one off and bow out quietly.

At least I did it though.... I'm happy that I actually did. She's a lovely girl and I'd still love to get to know her but I've made a tit of myself enough times in the pursuit of girls that I like to know when you need to cut your losses and this is one of those times.

I'd like to say a massive thanks to you one and all for your advice. Be it positive or negative, it was appreciated and helped me build up the eventual courage to do it. So thanks RI regulars

Ickle Magoo

Best of luck then OP.

As you no longer require advice, I'll lock this thread. :cool: