Breaking up is never easy?

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm a girl in my twenties in a three year relationship that I'm considering leaving. This sounds crazy and I can barely type this.. We have had sex once. It is down to my boyfriend's erectile dysfunction caused by severe body issues from injuries .. he went to the doctor a while ago and got viagra but never used them. All along ive done my best to be supportive..obviously ive had my moments where ive been mean..i didnt know it was ED for about a year i just thought he had issues from sn injury and didnt want to have sex with me and that all would correct itself in time. The past year has been easier as I know not to expect sex.
Now though three years in, I don't feel attracted to him at all. Maybe it's because we have this secret but I feel like we are in it together and i dont want to leave. I'm lonely for intimacy yet i dont want him to touch me. I dont think that he has never been head over heels with me and i dont think he is truly happy with me as he doesn't appear to want to see me mid week, that said we have a strong relationship in most ways and he is my adviser, confidant and best friend..he is kind and I know that he loves me.
Lately he has been annoying me more and more and ive noticed that he is talking incessantly about himself, that he can be quite moany.. I feel trapped and unattractive. I keep trying to weigh up whether or not to leave this relationship, ultimately I think I know that its not healthy and I have to go but I'm afraid. I'm terrified of letting him down and I know that he would never speak to me if I were to break up with him. I need to face up to the fact im not in love with this person anymore but I don't know where to go from here...
Any advice?

Big Bag of Chips

My advice is, you are in your 20s... so you have potentially about 70 years of your life left. Are you happy to stay in this relationship just because you don't want to "let him down"?

That's not reason enough. It's not enough for him, and it's certainly not enough for you.

I think if you sit down with him and have a talk, you may find he has been thinking along the same lines. Or do you think he's blissfully unaware, and is completely happy in your relationship?

You have slipped into just being good mates now, rather than boyfriend/girlfriend. If you handle this properly, you may still be able to have that.

Merkin

I can understand how you feel loyalty to him but you have to put yourself first ultimately. In fact his reaction may surprise you. You sound like there is very little love there. Sure you're both incredibly close and this is doubtless reinforced through this "secret" that you share but surely both of you know that this is not a happy or healthy relationship? Breaking up is never easy and it's a very lonely place to be continuing to conduct a relationship that is no longer working but you have to ultimately envision what YOU want from your life and if this man is not part of it then you need to start taking the steps to move on with your life. Break ups are never easy and you are both going to hurt from it but you will both feel liberated too.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,
By the sounds of things the relationship is already nearly over.You are very close, you confide in eachother and do love eachother but for me a relationship has to have physical intimacy. At the very least kissing and touching. If he has ED and it is a physical reason (injury) at least you know. I dont understand why he doesn't take the viagra or other medications on the market. ED can be in the head sometimes but this is clearly a physical issue for where there is treatment.

You are craving love and affection. If he is not willing to provide that then maybe its time to move on. Perhaps you could talk to him about it, try and see if he'll start taking the viagra prescribed to him and start to build a sex life. All the other pieces seem to be there.

decmanning

Hi OP, im a man in my mid 20's and been with my gf for 3 years, a few months into our relationship i too had an addident which resulted in emotional issues and post traumatic stress which caused me to lose an erection after a few seconds, i understand what your boyfreind is going through and it truely is a horrible thing, you feel like nothing and you just feel less of a man, at 1st i ignored the problem, i suppose it was a sense of embarrassment or something i just wanted to avoid it, we didnt have sex for nearly 2 months and those 2 motnhs were the toughest of our relationshiop, constant fights and niggles and it was just not pleasant, then my gf sat me down one day and explained she had needs and she missed the physical side of the relationship and that she didnt feel wanted anymore, i agreed to go to the doctor and even though he gave me nothing for it, i persued viagra on the black market and then i used them and everything was then fine, we had sex on a regular basis and the relationship just got back to way it should, thankfully i got over my issues and i dont have to use viagra anymore but its very good and im sure will work for your boyfriend, i think your boyfriend should take the viagra, its a bit selfish if he doesnt, you have needs and he is not meeting them, you need to sit him down and explain this to him, i know there is a bit of a stigma attached to using viagra but believe me once he starts using it he will get use to it and it really wont be an issue