Lonely and Depressed

LegacyUser

Hi everyone, Im hoping that somebody will be able to give me advice or help with this situation that I am in. I am really at the end of my tether and at my wits end and finding it increasingly hard to cope.

Im male, 23, have an OK-ish job, but I have no friends and it is making life increasingly tough for me. I am becoming very unhappy in myself and I am finding myself drifting in and out of depression very often. Unfortunately over the past few months I would say I have been down more times than up and I want this to change. I live away from home during the week and at times it can be very miserable. Im house sharing however more often than not the house is empty and Im the only person there at night as the others there go on obout there own lives. At weekends I have joined a club, however I feel so much an outsider when I go to the club meetings and it is difficult to become friends with them especially as i cant go to weekday meetings as Im away from home. Each Weekend goes by and most times I dont go out (with exception to the odd weekend if I go with family) so you can probably understand I find Saturdays very difficult.

I should also mention that growing up I had (and still have) a major problem with shyness that Im only now beginning to break from, and I am now willing to do things I would never have done as a kid, but I feel that I missed the boat and now that life is just passing me by and that there is nothing I can do about it. I just want things to change. Can anybody give advice as to how I can make friends or what can I do to change things.

Please Help

snafuk35

lonely person wrote: »

Hi everyone, Im hoping that somebody will be able to give me advice or help with this situation that I am in. I am really at the end of my tether and at my wits end and finding it increasingly hard to cope.

Im male, 23, have an OK-ish job, but I have no friends and it is making life increasingly tough for me. I am becoming very unhappy in myself and I am finding myself drifting in and out of depression very often. Unfortunately over the past few months I would say I have been down more times than up and I want this to change. I live away from home during the week and at times it can be very miserable. Im house sharing however more often than not the house is empty and Im the only person there at night as the others there go on obout there own lives. At weekends I have joined a club, however I feel so much an outsider when I go to the club meetings and it is difficult to become friends with them especially as i cant go to weekday meetings as Im away from home. Each Weekend goes by and most times I dont go out (with exception to the odd weekend if I go with family) so you can probably understand I find Saturdays very difficult.

I should also mention that growing up I had (and still have) a major problem with shyness that Im only now beginning to break from, and I am now willing to do things I would never have done as a kid, but I feel that I missed the boat and now that life is just passing me by and that there is nothing I can do about it. I just want things to change. Can anybody give advice as to how I can make friends or what can I do to change things.

Please Help

You'll just have to learn the hard way and start talking to people.
Nobody can teach you what to do. You'll just have to do it by trial and error and fight the shyness. Aim to get to know people and ask them how they are getting on and get them to open about themselves. Have interesting things to talk about and use your imagination.
Hiding in a bubble has just go to stop and it's your own fault you let this drag on so long.
Your life is not over yet and you can start making up for lost time today.
Go out to a pub or a club and just be friendly and say hello to a few people, start conversation going and just do it.
Try and chat up girls and if you make a meal of it, learn from your mistakes and keep trying and have fun seeing how far you can take a conversation without it drying up.
Stop being scared and be determined that you want to go out there and explore the social world.

CillianL

Remember that you not the first or last to ever have had that problem,
You have to ask yourself what got you into this position?

For example I was useless at talking to girls when I was in my early teens, as I lacked confidence and didn't take risks but as I got older I caught up as I matured, and learned from previous mistakes.

Its hard to make close friends as you get older, but no one ever said it was impossible, life moves in strange ways, I've made great friends from unexpected places, but having said that it never happens overnight, it takes time to build proper friendships and they need to overcome challenges to succeed, so I'd say good luck to you hopefully you'll work something out

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your replys,

I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself and I am really trying. I am now doing stuff that I would not have done say even a year ago. Im really trying to push myself as I feel I need to as things need to change but I also feel that I can do only so much as at the moment I still find that doing social stuff stressful but im going to stick with it.

But it really irks me that it is Saturday afternnon. I have nobody to get in contact with, nobody to contact me and my head feels like its in a whizz now as it looks like nothing is going to change for me at the moment and Im wishing that the day was over. Ive absolutely nothing to look forward to tonight only go back to work tomorrow night. I really hate this. I cant even concentrate to do properly on things Im thinking about it too much.

Im beginning to think that I will have to decide where I want to build a life for myself; be it at home or at work. Id prefer to socialise at home but im not there weekdays which is a bit awkward. I just dont know

Red About Town

lonely person wrote: »

Hi everyone, Im hoping that somebody will be able to give me advice or help with this situation that I am in. I am really at the end of my tether and at my wits end and finding it increasingly hard to cope.

Im male, 23, have an OK-ish job, but I have no friends and it is making life increasingly tough for me. I am becoming very unhappy in myself and I am finding myself drifting in and out of depression very often. Unfortunately over the past few months I would say I have been down more times than up and I want this to change. I live away from home during the week and at times it can be very miserable. Im house sharing however more often than not the house is empty and Im the only person there at night as the others there go on obout there own lives. At weekends I have joined a club, however I feel so much an outsider when I go to the club meetings and it is difficult to become friends with them especially as i cant go to weekday meetings as Im away from home. Each Weekend goes by and most times I dont go out (with exception to the odd weekend if I go with family) so you can probably understand I find Saturdays very difficult.

I should also mention that growing up I had (and still have) a major problem with shyness that Im only now beginning to break from, and I am now willing to do things I would never have done as a kid, but I feel that I missed the boat and now that life is just passing me by and that there is nothing I can do about it. I just want things to change. Can anybody give advice as to how I can make friends or what can I do to change things.

Please Help

You need to look at ways at increasing your social network. Easier said than done I know but if you want things to change you have to give it a shot.

Look for things to do in the evenings during the week. Ideally something that you have a genuine interest in (a sporting hobby for example). Are there any volunteering opportunities in your area ? Again, it will give you something to do and get you out of the house meeting people. Are you close to any of your workmates? If so, see do any of them want to go for a beer after work to watch a match for example. If you get invited anywhere (21st parties, weddings etc.) ensure you go, even if you are by yourself and talk and socialise with people.

If you do get out there meeting people, add them on Facebook and keep in touch that way. This is another way of finding out what's happening socially and being invited to nights out etc.

The above is easy to write but I understand it's hard to do when you are shy and not feeling the best about yourself. Make the effort though and get out of your comfort zone (which isn't doing you any good at the moment). The more people you meet, the more chance you have of making friends.

PS You are still very young so don't despair you haven't 'missed the boat'.