Boyfriend treats me like a child.

LegacyUser

Me and my bf have been together over a year now, but recently (last few months) I've noticed that he often talks to me like I'm a child, or like we both are. He'll ask me things in a babyish voice and sometimes ask things that you'd ask a child. It's just really starting to get annoying and patronising.
It wasn't always like this, only kind of started when we got more comfortable with being more lovey toward each other. Before that he spoke to me in a normal fashion, like he would his friends. Now he talks to me in a softer voice, and almost even looks at me like I'm a dotey child. I want to be spoken to like I'm a respected young woman, not a little girl!
Now last week I did try slip it into conversation and said "I think we should maybe act a bit more mature sometimes to each other". And he didn't really get what I meant, but agreed after a while. I thought I'd explained, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I kind of shrugged it off. And the rest of that day was good, and I felt we had some proper conversations. But now it's gone back to stupid stuff in a stupid tone of voice.

I don't know what to say. I've tried giving hints by talking in a more serious tone, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. I kept trying to make myself ask him to stop for the last week, but I just don't want to hurt him and make him feel like it's him I have a problem with. I don't know HOW to say it, like how to form the sentence like "will you please stop" or "I don't really like when you talk to me like that...".

I want to solve this now. My last bf started doing the exact same thing to me, and it really put me off and is one of the reasons I broke up with him. But I don't want to break up with my current bf over this. Because I know he can be so much more than that. I just can't bring myself to say anything!

Sinall

You're just going to have to say it. It's easily fixed. Tell him it does nothing for you. A girl I work with had a similar issue where her boyfriend would use a baby voice whenever he spoke about anything to do with emotions or feelings. She eventually said to him bluntly that she isn't attracted to children and that if he couldn't talk about his feelings in his normal voice then perhaps he could find another way to communicate with her! I'm not recommending that you be that blunt and it could be that he doesn't realise what he's doing or the extent of it. I can imagine how off-putting it is for you but your best bet is to be straight with him about it as he's not getting the message.

Maybe you could give him an example and just say, 'Look, when you said that to me just there it sounded very odd and I'm not really comfortable with being addressed like a child. You probably don't mean to do it but it's how it's coming across to me."

Katy89

hey OP, that stuff could be really annoying, totally understand your point, would drive everybody insane.

But my guess ist, people who do this, so prob your bf as well, are often not completely realising to what extend they're doing it and how annoying it could be.

so I understand as well your concern not wanting to hurt his feelings as he's probably not aware how bad it feels for you.

so just start the conversation with your own concerns for him, say you don't want to hurt him or anything but that you cant stand any longer him talking to you in that childish way. You want to be talked to as a respected young woman. you can mainly use the sentences you used in your OP, it sounded very mature and clear.
say it calmly but determined.

If he's in general a mature enough guy he has to think about your words and stop it from there on:)

good luck

R.D. aka MR.D

I'd recommend just saying to him the next time that he does it, 'why do you talk like that?'

Then whatever his response is, i think its cute or whatever, then say 'well I don't so maybe cut it out'.

Simple as.

shalalala

OP I can see it being annoying, you have to just say it to him. I am guessing that is his way of being affectionate with you.

dannyc31

this seems absolutely bizarre to me. why would men do this talking to their girlfriends like children? the only thing i can think is they dont respect you as an equal or just have absolutely no clue in expressing their feelings. this often happens to men were their father was the dominant in their parents relationship and was the over-baring masculine type that would chastise their sons as being big sissys or softies if they ever expressed any type of emotion. this results in them being completely clueless when it comes to expression emotions to their partners as adults. he's probably very uncomfortable trying to express emotions because of this.

its a very strange thing but it needs to be said, just simply tell him to talk normal no matter what the situation including when the topics are on feelings and emotions.

Lorna123

he probably feels you are his baby !!

StillWaters

Eurgh, I would find that totally offputting. Just say it to him straight OP, your hints are not working.

ongarboy

dannyc31 wrote: »

this seems absolutely bizarre to me. why would men do this talking to their girlfriends like children? the only thing i can think is they dont respect you as an equal or just have absolutely no clue in expressing their feelings. this often happens to men were their father was the dominant in their parents relationship and was the over-baring masculine type that would chastise their sons as being big sissys or softies if they ever expressed any type of emotion. this results in them being completely clueless when it comes to expression emotions to their partners as adults. he's probably very uncomfortable trying to express emotions because of this.

its a very strange thing but it needs to be said, just simply tell him to talk normal no matter what the situation including when the topics are on feelings and emotions.

I wouldn't find it strange as in weird per se, unusual maybe, but I would accept it is a genuine problem if one of the two partners has issue with it. OP, I wouldn't be blunt but just say to him in a kind, considerate tone on the next occasion he talks that way that you don't care for him talking to you in that type of voice and would prefer if he talks in his regular voice.

I'm guessing he talks mainly this way when he is being affectionate or maybe lovey dovey with you? If so, tell him you do not want him to stop being affectionate, just to communicate it in a more adult way.

I'll be honest, me and my partner the odd time talk lovey dovey in a way we'd probably never do if there was company around (you're my little teddy bear, you're my bunny rabbit etc ) that some might gag at but so what! It's our little intimate way of communicating with each other sometimes eg we are lying down on the couch together or hugging/holding eachother...certainly not all the time though and never if we are discussing anything serious or normal day to day stuff)

Sugarlumps

Jaysus just tell him out straight. Nothing more repulsive.

a posse ad esse

tallowgurrl wrote: »

Now last week I did try slip it into conversation and said "I think we should maybe act a bit more mature sometimes to each other". And he didn't really get what I meant, but agreed after a while. I thought I'd explained, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings so I kind of shrugged it off. And the rest of that day was good, and I felt we had some proper conversations. But now it's gone back to stupid stuff in a stupid tone of voice.

I don't know what to say. I've tried giving hints by talking in a more serious tone, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere. I kept trying to make myself ask him to stop for the last week, but I just don't want to hurt him and make him feel like it's him I have a problem with. I don't know HOW to say it, like how to form the sentence like "will you please stop" or "I don't really like when you talk to me like that...".

You are with him a year now and you do not feel comfortable expressing yourself? There is nothing wrong with telling him how you feel. As long as you tell him diplomatically, the next time his voice changes just tell him straight out. "Hey dear could you please stop speaking to me that way. It makes me feel like a child and I don't like that, I would like to think we are equals.

skepticalone

this type of behaviour is common in BDSM relationships , let me guess... hes a real mans man full of testosterone and quick to point out he needs to be respected etc etc , possibly what you have here is his roleplay fantasies playing out , hard as it is to believe theres a whole load of people who go in for this kind of stuff and get their kick out of it , id suggest asking him if he has ever been in a BDSM relationship before and what are his thoughts on it , if he reacts like hes well familiar with it then you need to make a choice , stay with him or leave.

LegacyUser

Thank you for the replies.

I still haven't managed to say it to him, as of course, now that I'm ready to say it to him he hasn't been so bad. But I think I will just bring it up today anyway. We had a bit of an argument yesterday, basically because I wasn't in the mood to be cuddly because I was sick. So I know I just have to have a talk with him today, and will bring it up.

skepticalone - He isn't a manly man at all at all really. And I know for certain he hasn't been in any BDSM relationships.