Drowning...

LegacyUser

Hello,

I'm not really sure what to write here. I'm just sick of burdening my partner and family with my negativity. I'm a girl in my early 20's and I feel like my life is over before it's begun.

I've about two friends that I can call true friends and not drinking buddies. One is abroad at the moment and I miss her a lot cause she was a great listener and we shared a lot of past experiences/history which is hard to find in new friends (obviously!). The other is a girl I met in college who I rarely see because we're both working full-time now. I just feel like I wasted my time in college, and didn't really bother to make a lot of friends annd now that time is over and I won't have that oppurtunity again... I could spend the weekend at a club with a group of people, but still feel really lonely.

I hate my job. I know a lot of people would love a job now and I understand that ( I was unemployed for ages until about 9 monthes ago.). I don't really get on with the people I work with, the job itself is tedious and not what I thought I'd be doing at this stage of my life and it's reallt getting my down. The MA I want to go back and do costs about 6 grand and I've no way of ahcieveing that as my contract will be over by Xmas and I don't know if I'll be kept on. So even though I hate going in there everyday, I dread being back to square one and doing nothing all day... I laugh when I think back on teenage me, slogging away studying, with my dreams/plans... what a load of crap. I feel like the whole thing is pointless. Why should I even try to achieve anything?

Lastly, my relationship, which ironically enough is the best thing in my life. But because of that I probably invest too much in it. I love my boyfriend so much, but when I'm really down, I think ''this is probably pointless too'' I mean, people fall out of love all the time or they cheat. Or you could be together for years and your partner could die. What's the point? The worry of the whole thing overwhelms me sometimes.

I'm not even sure what I want out of posting this. Maybe if somebody else has been here and is now better they could tell me how they did it. I'm sick of feeling like I'm drowning, of thinking how much easier it would be not to wake up.

BraziliaNZ

You are fundamentally damaged somewhere. I'm sure you're a normal lovely person but there's something amiss. If I were you I would get therapy. They are so good at figuring out where your issues arise from. Give it a go, you've nothing to lose.

Starokan

Your only in your early twenties, your life is just beginning. Take stock of where your at, you are in what sounds like a really good relationship, thats a great start, there is no reason to think it will end. Stop beating yourself up about wasting your time in college, you cannot change it, i think your goal of doing the MA is an excellent one, i appreciate the financial difficulties in doing this, it may not happen now but keep it as your main goal and when it happens it will be a great feeling.

Don't put yourself under time constraints, you don't know yet what will happen at the end of your current contract, you could get an extension, a different job may arise etc etc. All you can do is keep applying for the positions you would love and eventually the door will open, when it does and your able to save money again then the MA will become an option. Age is not as big a factor as you think it is.

As for your friendships, focus a little bit more on your two best friends, for example the person abroad, you can skype them for free for example, all it takes is a little bit of organisation and you both can arrange a time to speak each week, it will keep the friendship alive and current and your friend will probably be just as eager as you to do this. Likewise your other friend who is working, make sure to call her each week or text every now and then, sometimes a little contact like this can stave away the feelings of loneliness that can envelop us.

Keep yourself open to new friendships in work etc , when you are feeling the way you are right now you can miss opportunities.

Taltos

Hi Starokan - please note as per our charter and site rules giving any form of medical diagnosis is a bannable offense. Please take some time now to re-read the site rules and charter to ensure you don't repeat this again.

Thanks
Taltos

shalalala

OP I could have written this myself.

Life is frustrating. I can suggest a couple of things.

Try to find a new hobbie. Take evening classes and just develop a new release.

Join meetup.com to meet new people. Hopefully you might meet like-minded people to make friends with.

Talk to your boyfriend. He obviously loves you so just let him know how you feel.

Maybe do a cheaper evening course similar to the MA you want to do, if you have time off maybe try and volunteer in the field you are interested in.

Go and speak to a counsellor. It is their job to listen and it really really does help.

Good luck OP

Pippy1976

I agree with shalalala - hobby, try a class, do some yoga - it'll clear your mind, balance your thoughts and calm you down. Also, I would suggest a counsellor if you're feeling like you need help to get out of this.

Also, I read this SO many times on here it's not funny anymore: not many people I know have any more than 2 or 3 really close friends. I don't know why people think you're unfulfilled if you only have 2 friends. I've gotten through my whole life (36 now) with a handful of friends... the amount of friends doesn't matter - it's the quality of that friendship you should be concerned with.

RossFixxxed

Without suggesting any diagnosis I would recommend you go see your GP on this. Many people can relate to what you are saying and it cannot do any harm to see a professional. The sheer act of doing something about it in the first place is a massive step in the right direction.

What you are feeling is not good for you, and may damage the good things you do have. Get up now and get going to the doctor. Let us know how you get on, and the best of luck!
R

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

Taltos

sashafierce - per our charter offering to get into a PM discussion with the OP in PI is against our charter.
If you have not done so recently please have a read again of the rules here.

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Taltos

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