Stay or go?

LegacyUser

So I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 1 and a half years. We're both 18 and in our last year at school. We're much more mature than anyone else or any other couple our age that we know of ...For most of last year we usually ended up getting annoyed or pissed off at each other at least once or twice every day at school . We have both suffered from depression in the past but mine didn't come back until about a 1 year after us being together , caused by our problems we had. Our sex life hasn't been great either , we rarely have sex anymore , and we took a month break from it before because she wanted to know if I would stay without it. We're just starting to possibly get back into it again after a pregnancy scare , which left her depressed as she felt that it was something to save her from her depression..

She will not try anything new , and says "what If I never want to?" . She has severe issues with her body , even though she is beautiful. She is terribly negative all the time and often takes things out on me. I think the relationship has caused me to have a phobia of answering or calling people on phones , as she has had it since before our relationship. Also , reading in public was never a problem until a few months after we got together , something which she also suffered with prior to our relationship.

I often feel rejected , insecure and depressed myself , over our relationship. I miss how we used to be , when we were happy. Now all we ever seem to be is gloomy and negative. I love her but Im unsure if this is just unhealthy for me , or her?

Bowlerhat

Yes break up.. but you already know you shouldn't be in a relationship that makes you feel this way, you just need a push to get out. Find a way to express to her how you feel without being brutal with her. It appears that the crux is that you are not a good match and so this is the main message you need to communicate to her.. I advise that you avoid airing every last grievance that you have with her, be clear and try not to cloud the message with details that will lead to tangents. Be careful...any criticisms you make of her could remain with her long after the sting of rejection has faded..she sounds fragile and vulnerable and in this regard you have a responsibility to her and her mental health.

ibarelycare

This sounds like a terrible, toxic relationship. You say you're in a mature relationship yet you argue twice a day. She uses sex as a weapon. The relationship causes you depression, anxiety and insecurity.

Of course this relationship is unhealthy for you, and seemingly for her too. You haven't outlined any positives to the relationship, or any happiness you do actually get from being with her.

I presume this is your first serious relationship so coming to a decision to break up is especially difficult. But do you actually see any future in this? Any joy? From what you've written it's clear to me that you need to break up with her. It will be a hard road, but you will both be better for it in the long run.

dannyc31

OP sorry you may feel you two are alot more mature than other peole you know your age in relationships but really thats not saying alot. you two are far too young to be in any sort of full on serious relationship like this. not to mention you are both getting depressed out of it so how is this in anyway healthy? i'm guessing she's your first serious relationship which is why it feels weird to walk away from it, but you are both 18 you both need to live your lives seperately and find out how you are as individuals. you have alot of life experience ahead. for her i think she should go see a counsellor and get to the underlining problems going on. for you, i dont think you have anything to worry about, you already know this is not a healthy realtionship and you shouldnt be exepriencing anxiety in even answering your phone.

i'd sit down with her tell her you feel its not working but you want to help her get through her issues as a friend and suggest she should go speak to someone. if she freaks out at even the suggestion of this then you should suggest it to her friends in private or even her family if you are on good terms with them.

you probably both have college life ahead so your lives is about to change again for the best.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the answers guys. Let me reply to you's by saying that there are positives to our relationship. Before her I didn't feel like I fit in , even though I have a good group of friends. She makes me feel like I fit in , or belong. She has possibly given me some of the best times
I've ever had.

Maybe I was just in a bad place about this yesterday , we talked about our relationship and what we need to do to stop all the crap in it. It appears we've got ourselves back on track again. I'm happy about this , I love her more than anything , quite literally. The pain is worth it to me I think , when we have good times , it's absolutely amazing. We've had our fair shares of low points but thats only normal.

I think school isn't exactly helping either , without the stress of it all we've fine most of the time.I think I'm going to stick with this ...

DangerMouse27

I think you should stick with it too. After all, all you have given us is a paragraph and without context, the only that is clear is how much you do care for her.

If i can garner anything from your posts, is that you do seem very dependent on each other already and that probably is not that healthy. Depression is definitley something you should involve others in and be able to talk to a third party like a good friend or a doctor about.

What ever you do, take the time to ask her feelings on it too. It would certainly be good to get a heads up that she might not see things lasting before she drops it on you one day. Take care.