Career vs Personal life

LegacyUser

I guess I'm posting this to organise my thoughts as much as anything, and if anyone has any advice I'd be happy to take it.

Basically I've been working for a company for three years now, I enjoy work and they're a good company to work for, so that's going well, already been promoted once and I'd imagine there'll be other opportunities in the future. Particularly in the current situation the country is in I'm in a good position.

On the other hand my girlfriend, we've been together 5 years now, works a fairly significant distance away meaning we basically only see each other on weekends. We get on great and eventually I would like us to get married but I also don't see the current situation, i.e. only seeing each other so irregularly, as sustainable in the long term.

So I'm left with the option of basically continuing my career and hoping for the best or quitting my job, moving, and then trying to find something else. I'd be willing to go back and do a masters or something like that to improve my skillset (if I could save up a bit of money) but even the thought of giving up a good job at the moment seems absolutely crazy. Though on the other hand surely some things are more important than a job? Just not sure what to do.

Ellsbells

Can she move more easily?

Sleepy

Have you discussed your future with her? What do you both see married life being lie? Will one of you be staying at home to mind children? If so, which one? If both of you intend to continue working, unless you're both earning incredible money and can afford a 24/7 nanny, one of you will still have to throttle back on their career in order to be able to take time off when the kids are sick, attend school meetings etc.

Which of ye will this be? If you, then looking at how to get work near her is your next step. If her, then she should be moving closer to you.

Even if no kids are involved, I'd personally be of the opinion that unless one party is living somewhere that's clearly preferable to both of you, it makes sense to locate where the highest salary is (or where the medium-term highest earning potential is if neither of ye has a great salary yet).

Ultimately, however, this comes down to having the conversation about what ye both want in your future.

LegacyUser

We have discussed it a bit, and it comes down to wanting to get a place where we can live together and both get a job. I'm not really happy where I'm living (despite work being good) which is why I'd move. And I'm earning more at the moment but in general her profession is better paid than mine so it's a safe bet she'll end up earning more.

There are currently no kids and it's not really a factor at the moment tbh. It would be something that had to be dealt with at the time. Thinking long term we both have parents who'd be more than willing to help out and the likes.

But again it comes back to me leaving a fairly decent job with no guarantee I'd get another one. It's such a tough decision to make.

Ellsbells

aaabbbaaa wrote: »

We have discussed it a bit

I think you need to discuss it a lot before you give up a job. Does she definitely want kids? Does she want to continue working after ye have kids? Does she want to stay in her profession? What is her timeline for marriage and kids.

You definitely need to be on the same page before making a big move.

Sleepy

I'd second what Ellsbells is saying. On thing though: what's stopping you from getting in touch with a few recruitment consultants, telling them of your situation and seeing if any of them can come up with an interesting prospect for you nearer to where your o/h lives?

What kind of distance are you talking about here? Would it be feasible for you both to move to a half-way location and commute to your respective jobs? It's obviously not suitable for raising a family but might suit as a stepping stone towards you moving to where she lives?

LegacyUser

You need to have a serious conversation with her and ask her honestly where does she want to be in 5 years time. Does she want to get married or have children - not every woman does but she needs to be honest with you about this.
If your girlfriend is serious about you she needs to be willing to have a conversation about how you will both work near each other and what you need to be doing now for this to happen.
Would she be able to get a job near where you currently work and live or would you have a better chance to get work near her?
At this stage you need to find out what both of your work prospects would be like if either of you were to move? Both of you need to take a few days holidays and go around to a few recruitment agencies to see what is available. I would not leave your present job until you have another job to go to. I would not change job also unless your girlfriend wants to get married and have children as you like your present job and it is going well for you.
In regards to have a family in the future I would not have the attitude that is is something that had to be dealt with at the time. You need to know that you will have a lot of expense when having your 1st baby ie cots, buggys ect. Also your oh may only get the state maternity pay of apox max €220 per week on maternity leave and you will have to pay a lot of money to get the baby minded if your both working. You can't expect your parents or her parents to mind your baby as they have there own lives.