Dealing with stress and depression

LegacyUser

I'm not sure what to do with myself. I know I'm sick but I seem completely incapable of changing anything.

For most of my life I've gone through long phases of depression that last anywhere from 2/3 weeks to a couple of months. It's cyclical so I don't even know where to start. I'm very ambitious and have tonnes of drive. I set tonnes of unrealistic goals for myself, I work crazy hours and then get annoyed at myself when I don't achieve them. Things build up and I get to a point where there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything I need to and I shut down. I feel if I don't get it all done then there is no point. Or for a while I might prioritise, usually keeping work at the top and pushing exercise, socialising, household chores and hobbies to the bottom. Then I get burned out anyway because all my time is just filled with work.

When I get burned out I just shut down. Sometimes I'll just sit on the couch watching crap tv all day and other times I can't even get out of bed. At those low times getting out of bed in the mornings is always a struggle and sleeping at night is hard too. My self hygiene goes out the window and the house becomes a mess. I become super emotional and cry for little or no reason. I just feel total apathy towards doing anything constructive with my time. I can stay like that for weeks to months at a time. The longer I'm down the harder it is to pull myself out of it. Once I do pull myself out of it the whole thing starts over again.

I know what the problem is, it's been going in this loop for years and years. I just can't seem to stop it. I've looked into CBT thinking that sounds like something that can help me, it's the way I think about things that broken so I thought that would be able to help me fix it. But after a bit of research I've discovered that the CBT process is all about setting goals. I really think that's the opposite of what I need to be doing, I set too many goals for myself. I need to train my brain to stop working in a goal orientated fashion. Everything I do revolves around 'to do' lists and bullet points, planning and organising every little thing. I need to break away from that but I don't know how. I could plan time in the evenings to relax and make that the highest priority of my day but I wouldn't be able to relax in that time knowing there were other useful things that need doing.

I just constantly feel overwhelmed. It's totally my own fault which makes it worse. It's not like I have to work 3 jobs to feed 15 children or anything that's out of my hands. I should be able to control it, but I just can't help myself. It's like I'm addicted to stress or something.

I have no idea what I want from here, I know that the charter dictates people can't give me any medical advice. I don't think medicine would be able to help me anyway, I manage to pull myself out of slumps fine without them. Some times it takes longer than others, but I get there eventually.

I'm just sick of it, and want it to stop. I fear it will eventually get to a point where I can't pull myself out of a slump because I'll just figure whats the point in trying when it's only gonna happen again a few months later.

I'm not in a depressive phase right now, but I can feel one coming on so now is probably the time to take action to avoid it but I just don't know what to do.

stop animal cruelty

stressed123 wrote: »

I'm not sure what to do with myself. I know I'm sick but I seem completely incapable of changing anything.

For most of my life I've gone through long phases of depression that last anywhere from 2/3 weeks to a couple of months. It's cyclical so I don't even know where to start. I'm very ambitious and have tonnes of drive. I set tonnes of unrealistic goals for myself, I work crazy hours and then get annoyed at myself when I don't achieve them. Things build up and I get to a point where there aren't enough hours in the day to do everything I need to and I shut down. I feel if I don't get it all done then there is no point. Or for a while I might prioritise, usually keeping work at the top and pushing exercise, socialising, household chores and hobbies to the bottom. Then I get burned out anyway because all my time is just filled with work.

When I get burned out I just shut down. Sometimes I'll just sit on the couch watching crap tv all day and other times I can't even get out of bed. At those low times getting out of bed in the mornings is always a struggle and sleeping at night is hard too. My self hygiene goes out the window and the house becomes a mess. I become super emotional and cry for little or no reason. I just feel total apathy towards doing anything constructive with my time. I can stay like that for weeks to months at a time. The longer I'm down the harder it is to pull myself out of it. Once I do pull myself out of it the whole thing starts over again.

I know what the problem is, it's been going in this loop for years and years. I just can't seem to stop it. I've looked into CBT thinking that sounds like something that can help me, it's the way I think about things that broken so I thought that would be able to help me fix it. But after a bit of research I've discovered that the CBT process is all about setting goals. I really think that's the opposite of what I need to be doing, I set too many goals for myself. I need to train my brain to stop working in a goal orientated fashion. Everything I do revolves around 'to do' lists and bullet points, planning and organising every little thing. I need to break away from that but I don't know how. I could plan time in the evenings to relax and make that the highest priority of my day but I wouldn't be able to relax in that time knowing there were other useful things that need doing.

I just constantly feel overwhelmed. It's totally my own fault which makes it worse. It's not like I have to work 3 jobs to feed 15 children or anything that's out of my hands. I should be able to control it, but I just can't help myself. It's like I'm addicted to stress or something.

I have no idea what I want from here, I know that the charter dictates people can't give me any medical advice. I don't think medicine would be able to help me anyway, I manage to pull myself out of slumps fine without them. Some times it takes longer than others, but I get there eventually.

I'm just sick of it, and want it to stop. I fear it will eventually get to a point where I can't pull myself out of a slump because I'll just figure whats the point in trying when it's only gonna happen again a few months later.

I'm not in a depressive phase right now, but I can feel one coming on so now is probably the time to take action to avoid it but I just don't know what to do.

To me it sounds as if your anxious to get so much done at once or maybe anxious about something else. <mod snip>

It sounds also you're hard on yourself, like planning to get so much done that theres not enough hours in the day and beating yourself up about not getting them done.

You need to relax a bit. Set realistic goals & try not to be hard on yourself. This is a cycle & it needs to change or else you'll just burn out.

Have you ever thought about counselling or talking to a professional about this? Counsellors can give you great advice & might hightlight something you're missing.

katvond

Dear stressed. I can relate to feeling very overwhelmed and really sympathise with how you're feeling.
If CBT doesn't suit, just plain talk therapy might? Aware has groups online or in person and loads of resources on their website. Also, as a fairly anxious person, I find running (fit4life sessions at local running club) have helped diffuse some of the tension and gives my head a break from thinking all the time plus you get to meet/chat to nice people. Hope you get the support you need.

Best of luck and take care

Big Bag of Chips

stop animal cruelty, there is a very strict rule here on Personal Issues with regard offering medical advice or opinion. As you are new I will give you the benefit of the doubt, that you were more "thinking out loud" rather than suggesting a medical condition that a poster may have.

Please take time to read The Personal Issues Charter again and familiarise yourself with what is and isn't allowed.

Breaches of the Forum Rules can result in your posting priviliges being removed for a period of time.

Please do not reply to this post on thread, as it is considered off topic posting. If you have any issue with a mod instruction please use the PM facility available to you.

Regards,
Big Bag of Chips

,mnb

CBT isnt just about setting goals in my experience. Its about identifying the thoughts you are having and challenging the accuracy of those thoughts and hopefully coming up with a more reasonable less catastrophic thought. I do recommend CBT.
Otherwise I feel for you. I can identify with you. I worry too much sometimes to a point where I go too far and feel quite disabled and paralysed.

Merkin

I think you are totally jumping the gun re CBT. That's self diagnostic and self prescriptive and such a bad idea when you actually need a formal diagnosis by a trained professional who will then refer you for the best course of treatment for your condition. You say you are depressed but there is a veritable plethora of mental illness and CBT is not a "one size fits all". I think at the most basic level you need to get yourself to a good and well respected GP who will take your history and be in the best position to advise. I hope you find the right steps to help you.

saltyporridge

OP I read your thread through a few times. I can only offer three pieces of advice.

1. You are not alone in feeling this way. Most people do from time to time. Some are just better at releasing pressure than others.

2. Stop making lists. That was my favourite hobby for years - my whole life revolved around them and I used to panic if I didn't have an A4 pad (it even had to be a specific brand) and pen near (a small notebook was never big enough). Oddly enough, I never actually accomplished what was on the list but was constantly making new, 'perfect', lists. Throw away the paper and pens. I don't know if having a list is your attempt at perfection, but I know it was mine (and nobody is perfect).

3. It appears you've never taken medication for anxiety. I wonder if this means you've never spoken to your GP about your issues. I was mortified about the idea of talking to my regular doctor about mine. Things came to a head one day when I was in about something else and I broke down. Once I got over feeling like a complete failure and idiot, I realised, talking with her, that I was not alone in my feelings and that many other people had similar experiences. I didn't go down the CBT route (my choice) but made some life changes (diet, exercise, using up my holiday entitlement instead of always being available,this list could be endless), without medication and with the support of my GP, that improved matters considerably.

I hope this helps. Good luck